Middle of divorce and job loss
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Anonymous
He moved out then got the stock. You were separated. Ask him for more help or alimony for 6 months to get you back on your feet. You don’t need camps if you are not working or do a cheap county camp. Or, have him custody in the summer with you having visits so he pays camps. |
Anonymous
+1 the only “dispute” over the separation date is that you now want to revise it so you get half of his stock. The date he moved out and you agreed to be separated is the separation date. What is he not providing you that you feel you need right now? By all accounts a new job is your #1 priority. |
Anonymous
| He moved out...that is the separation date. Don’t waste time fighting over the RSU’s he got after he moved out and after he got a new job. If you want to agree to that and there are no other issues (sounds like custody might be one) then proceed with the divorce but in all honesty, the Courts aren’t going to be focused on divorce proceedings and your camp excuse is flimsy...it doesn’t matter who HOH is, camps look at the income of both parents for financial aid. |
Anonymous
It's murky waters, moving out does not automatically mean separation, as I was told by a lawyer, but I don't want to get into a situation where I have to dispute it in court. I was hoping to use these stocks as leverage in dividing other assets, but it looks like it's going to be costly and time-consuming (calculating the value, etc). I am thinking of leaving my attorney, getting back the remainder of the retainer, and doing stuff on my own with some input from a lawyer (but not retaining one). Or maybe even pausing it until the crisis is over. |
Anonymous
the problem is that 401k (which is surely divisible) has nosedived, as well as the stocks. Plus my medical insurance in in jeopardy. Not sure if I should still proceed or wait. |
Anonymous
Don't play games by leveraging. You are entitled to 1/2 or what ever your state states in their laws that you get during your marriage. You ask for 1/2 all assets earned during marriage but that also includes your retirement and other things as well. You offer him summers, holidays and 2-3 weekends a month and one night a week for dinner. He can pay for camp during his time which will save you money. You start trying to play games and leverage you will escalate it and you easily could be $100K each in attorney bills. When he moved out, you separated. He moved out and got a new job. You are not entitled to that or future earnings once you divorce. You are entitled to child support based off formula or what you agree to. |
Anonymous
You’re lawyer is just running up a tab. You’ll never get the RSUs. His moving out will definitely count as the date of separation. You will waste so much money fighting a losing battle. Get the rest of your retainer back and save it. You’re going to need it to help tide you over until you find a new job. Focus 100% on finding a new job. When that is done, then look into the best way forward with your divorce. |
Anonymous
Right now those stocks don’t exist. RSUs mean nothing until you’ve met the eligibility period. Are you currently covered by his insurance? |
Anonymous
+1, RSU usually have a vesting period over several years. He has to pay taxes on them immediately when they vest and he can then sell them or hold on to them. Being given them does not mean he has them now. Often he doesn't get them till the 6-12 month mark and usually its not all and over several years. Insurance will be a huge issue for you if you are not working and when the divorce is finalized. He can carry your child but not you. |
Anonymous
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OP here, to clarify: the first portion of his RSUs has just vested. Even if they aren't part of marital property (see separation date debate), they are taken into account when calculating support. That's what the lawyer tells me. But to calculate value I need to spend a lot of money and I am not sure it is worth it. For the life of me I can't understand how this is going to be. I don't know if I am stupid or if my lawyer is shady. He is also quoting 3-4 hrs to draft a separation agreement and judgement forms- does that sound realistic? Then also there is negotiations and all - pretty expensive for me right now.
I am not on stbx's health insurance, and my company will pay cobra premiums for 6 months (reimburse them, to be exact). But it might be easier for me to just jump on his insurance, pay him like $100/mo and call it a day. For that I need to change my petition to "legal separation" though, I guess, as after divorce I won't be eligible. |
Anonymous
You are separated heading to divorce. You don't go on his insurance and even if you did come divorce he cannot keep you on. If they just vested and you've been separated, living separated you are not entitled to them personally. You may get them in the child support calculation but that is separate from what you are asking. You sound like a hot mess. Your date of separation should be the day he moved out. I don't see your claim on RSU's as marital property when you are legally separated. Are you offering 1/2 of everything you have during the marriage as well. Have you even talked to your ex and tried to be reasonable? Lawyers are out to make money. How much are the RSU's? You could spend thousands on each side to fight over something that isn't reasonable to fight over. Most states require a length of time for divorce so if you demand that the separation date start now, you are prolonging your divorce as well. |
Anonymous
| Even if you take the October filing date vs. the date he moved out and he just got those RSU's vested, how are you entitled at all to them as marital property? Calculated in child support yes, but you are separated. |
Anonymous
You know he's entitled to you 401K too. Your medical insurance is not his problem. |
Anonymous
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If we agree that separation date was after he received the RSUs - they are marital property. It doesn’t matter when they vest/have vested.
No my stbx can’t be reasonable except for short periods of time and I still need to tread lightly. He thinks I have no “moral right” to his stock or pension. This is just not true by law. But that’s not what matters now. If I don’t go to war with him, I might be able to negotiate being on his insurance for a while, plus maybe get some money for the child once he sells stock (maybe!) If I put my foot down and demand everything divided as per the law, I risk setting him off. When I was employed I could afford getting legal advice and all. Now it might be cheaper and easier to just let him have “his” 401k and RSUs and ask for a little extra monthly... but remain amicable and maybe he could help me out in the future. That’s what I am trying to decide. |
Anonymous
You are not going to agree on the date of separation to be after he was granted the RSUs. Think logically. At this point let go of the discussion on his retirement. You are entitled to half that he earned when married, NOT half of what he has. Remember right now his retirement account is circling the drain. You need to wait for the market to bounce back. This buys you time since you don’t have the money to spend on a lawyer right now. For insurance, get the child on your exes plan. You do not go on the plan. Continue your COBRA. If he’s vindictive you don’t want to be at his mercy to him dropping your coverage on a whim. For now your #1 priority is getting a job. Focus on that. Bide you’re time on the financial settlement. |