Middle of divorce and job loss

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: no, I was not going to cash out.
It's just dragging on and on: first, stbx does not have his grant agreement and doesn't want to ask HR, so I would need to pay for the employment record subpoena (stbx is strangely ok with being subpoenaed).
then, there would be some valuation process for the shares (which I can theoretically do myself as per formula) - but it takes time.
then there is the preparation of agreement and judgement documents (about 4 hrs of lawyer time)
then negotiations start, stbx does not have a lawyer yet and I think we can avoid it, but that will be a drawn out process I think (at least 2 hrs)
I mean, we are looking at about 7 hrs x 350 here... If I were employed, I would go for it. As it is, I am not sure if I should proceed.

Does your state not recognize the concept of a request for production of documents from the other party? We have such a thing in VA and it's different than a subpoena in that the receiving party cannot charge a fee for production of those documents. It is pretty wide-ranging and can cover things not in their possession but that they have access too (i.e. bank statements, pay stubs, etc.). Does your state not recognize interrogatories? You could get that information this way as well.

I know this sounds weird but it is easier and quicker for me to get the docs from his employer than from him (he is going to drag it on, and if I press him by legal means... it's just not how it works among us so far. We are amicable on the surface yet I need him to do something he doesn't want to do). It is more expensive, I realize that.

Why do you feel you are entitled to his earnings post separation? Why should he give anything post spermatozoon?

This is beyond the scope of this discussion.
My question is what I should do now.
1) put divorce on hold
2) convert the petition from divorce to legal separation (only makes sense if his insurance will take me on as a legally separated spouse - to be researched)
3) go through divorce as planned (will need an extra 3+K I think - subpoena, agreement prep, agreement review, negotiations, judgement documents prep). I am not going to go to court so hopefully not much more.
4) go through divorce quickly and cheaply but lose out on support and such

[Anonymous]

What does your attorney suggest?

Do you have to file for legal separation rather than just being separated?

If his earnings are that much more than yours he will be responsible for a higher percentage of the childcare costs per the child support formula in most states so HoH may benefit you less than you think or, alternatively, the camp will take in to account his responsibility for camp costs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: no, I was not going to cash out.
It's just dragging on and on: first, stbx does not have his grant agreement and doesn't want to ask HR, so I would need to pay for the employment record subpoena (stbx is strangely ok with being subpoenaed).
then, there would be some valuation process for the shares (which I can theoretically do myself as per formula) - but it takes time.
then there is the preparation of agreement and judgement documents (about 4 hrs of lawyer time)
then negotiations start, stbx does not have a lawyer yet and I think we can avoid it, but that will be a drawn out process I think (at least 2 hrs)
I mean, we are looking at about 7 hrs x 350 here... If I were employed, I would go for it. As it is, I am not sure if I should proceed.

Does your state not recognize the concept of a request for production of documents from the other party? We have such a thing in VA and it's different than a subpoena in that the receiving party cannot charge a fee for production of those documents. It is pretty wide-ranging and can cover things not in their possession but that they have access too (i.e. bank statements, pay stubs, etc.). Does your state not recognize interrogatories? You could get that information this way as well.

I know this sounds weird but it is easier and quicker for me to get the docs from his employer than from him (he is going to drag it on, and if I press him by legal means... it's just not how it works among us so far. We are amicable on the surface yet I need him to do something he doesn't want to do). It is more expensive, I realize that.

Why do you feel you are entitled to his earnings post separation? Why should he give anything post spermatozoon?

This is beyond the scope of this discussion.
My question is what I should do now.
1) put divorce on hold
2) convert the petition from divorce to legal separation (only makes sense if his insurance will take me on as a legally separated spouse - to be researched)
3) go through divorce as planned (will need an extra 3+K I think - subpoena, agreement prep, agreement review, negotiations, judgement documents prep). I am not going to go to court so hopefully not much more.
4) go through divorce quickly and cheaply but lose out on support and such

This makes no sense and it doesn't change the legal separation date. This will get very expensive quickly and OP has no income and sounds like not much savings so who is going to pay for this all. How much are the RSU's. If he's only been there a few months, post taxes its probably only a few thousand. OP you will be going to court to do all that. He will have to hire an attorney and its going to get very messy quickly.

You should take to him and work out 50/50 (this also includes YOUR retirement and savings during marriage) for money and child and move on. You are not entitled to anything post separation date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does your attorney suggest?

Do you have to file for legal separation rather than just being separated?

If his earnings are that much more than yours he will be responsible for a higher percentage of the childcare costs per the child support formula in most states so HoH may benefit you less than you think or, alternatively, the camp will take in to account his responsibility for camp costs.

It depends on the state. Some have child care included in child support and others have it separate. If she gives him summers he'll be responsible for summer camp. Simple camp cost solution.

[Anonymous]

To qualify for the Head of Household filing status while married, you must: File your taxes separately from your spouse. Pay more than half of the household expenses. Not have lived with your spouse for the last 6 months of the year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: no, I was not going to cash out.
It's just dragging on and on: first, stbx does not have his grant agreement and doesn't want to ask HR, so I would need to pay for the employment record subpoena (stbx is strangely ok with being subpoenaed).
then, there would be some valuation process for the shares (which I can theoretically do myself as per formula) - but it takes time.
then there is the preparation of agreement and judgement documents (about 4 hrs of lawyer time)
then negotiations start, stbx does not have a lawyer yet and I think we can avoid it, but that will be a drawn out process I think (at least 2 hrs)
I mean, we are looking at about 7 hrs x 350 here... If I were employed, I would go for it. As it is, I am not sure if I should proceed.

Does your state not recognize the concept of a request for production of documents from the other party? We have such a thing in VA and it's different than a subpoena in that the receiving party cannot charge a fee for production of those documents. It is pretty wide-ranging and can cover things not in their possession but that they have access too (i.e. bank statements, pay stubs, etc.). Does your state not recognize interrogatories? You could get that information this way as well.

I know this sounds weird but it is easier and quicker for me to get the docs from his employer than from him (he is going to drag it on, and if I press him by legal means... it's just not how it works among us so far. We are amicable on the surface yet I need him to do something he doesn't want to do). It is more expensive, I realize that.

Why do you feel you are entitled to his earnings post separation? Why should he give anything post spermatozoon?

This is beyond the scope of this discussion.
My question is what I should do now.
1) put divorce on hold
2) convert the petition from divorce to legal separation (only makes sense if his insurance will take me on as a legally separated spouse - to be researched)
3) go through divorce as planned (will need an extra 3+K I think - subpoena, agreement prep, agreement review, negotiations, judgement documents prep). I am not going to go to court so hopefully not much more.
4) go through divorce quickly and cheaply but lose out on support and such

Your question has been answered multiple times. You just keep ignoring it.

[Anonymous]

OP, where are you getting the money from for the attorney?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, where are you getting the money from for the attorney?

Um, my salary?
It hasn't been too expensive yet, tbh. I am still not through the retainer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does your attorney suggest?

Do you have to file for legal separation rather than just being separated?

If his earnings are that much more than yours he will be responsible for a higher percentage of the childcare costs per the child support formula in most states so HoH may benefit you less than you think or, alternatively, the camp will take in to account his responsibility for camp costs.

My attorney suggests to go through divorce as we normally would, maybe at a slower pace.
But I am not sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does your attorney suggest?

Do you have to file for legal separation rather than just being separated?

If his earnings are that much more than yours he will be responsible for a higher percentage of the childcare costs per the child support formula in most states so HoH may benefit you less than you think or, alternatively, the camp will take in to account his responsibility for camp costs.

My attorney suggests to go through divorce as we normally would, maybe at a slower pace.
But I am not sure.

Of course. He wants to continue to be paid now. Not a year from now.

[Anonymous]

This is why I want to hear some non-partial advice. I think the prevailing opinion was to hit pause.
I don’t need predictions on whether I can get some RSUs or advice on how to split custody or opinion whether I am entitled to this or that- I know the details and what the chances are so this will be figured out as we go.
Thank you to everyone who gave their opinion.

[Anonymous]

Moving an hour away is nothing. Tons of people commute new than an hour. If you are refusing him any custody in order to get more money and your reasoning is that he is an hour away, that won't fly in court. An hour drive for a weekend with dad is nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why I want to hear some non-partial advice. I think the prevailing opinion was to hit pause.
I don’t need predictions on whether I can get some RSUs or advice on how to split custody or opinion whether I am entitled to this or that- I know the details and what the chances are so this will be figured out as we go.
Thank you to everyone who gave their opinion.

Why are you posting? You sound really entitled. I hope he fights you down to the last penny and for as much time as the judge will give him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, where are you getting the money from for the attorney?

Um, my salary?
It hasn't been too expensive yet, tbh. I am still not through the retainer.

How much do you think a custody/money battle will cost? If you don't have a job, how much savings do you have to pay daily expenses and the attorney? Slowing down the process doesn't help. Its not going to make you more entitled to his RSU's which he got after your separation date.

Did you have an affair?

[Anonymous]

Op, you sound like a user. You are only concerned about getting handouts from your ex husbamd or state run summer camps. Why are you entitled to all of this? His employer wont just add you to his insurance either. He has to make an effort and want that to happen. Employers dont like covering spouses and would prefer a spouse get insurance from their own employer. EVen if you delayed your divorce until a judge mandates that he has to add you to his insurance you really have no option. Courts aren't taking low priority cases now. It sounds like you need to focus on getting another job and/or navigating your options during this crises.