Want a fourth but - money

[Anonymous]

Your husband doesn't want another kid. Period.

But don't be fooled by the money argument. You make $500k. Another kid won't be a financial burden. I mean, you aren't falling for that argument, are you?

My SIL often laments the fact that they "couldn't afford" a third kid. They live in a $2 million professionally decorated home in a desirable area. Kids in top private prep schools. Country club. Multiple vacations each year (think: Tuscany, Greece, Japan, 4 Seasons Nevis, etc). She's a SAHM who plays tennis at the club and hasn't worked since she got pregnant. I'm sure her husband earns far more than $500k, yet he somehow managed to convince her they couldn't afford a third. Weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you are a little hooked on the pregnancy/baby stage. Can you see yourself not in this role anymore? Do you feel like you might end up wanting 5 if you do have 4? I don’t think your husband’s reluctance is money-based. That’s a ton of kids close in age.

No I don't want 5.

Families with 4 kids is really common in the suburbs.

So is this to fit in in your suburb/keep up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really want a fourth but my husband is less convinced. He is more focused on the financial aspect of another kid, which I realize is not insignificant. We make around 500k so we could afford another kid but in his eyes, it would detract from the lifestyle we could provide for the three we have right now. With our three, we can afford to fully pay for their educations, do some pretty cool travel, let them go to whatever camps or extracurricular activities they want, etc. etc.

The point is, we don't really have to worry about money right now but we might after having a fourth.

Is that a good reason not to have a child you want?

These seem like fantastic reasons to stick with three. Don’t hear any great reasons for a fourth. Also, if you work or plan to return to work at some point, it will be more difficult with four, in terms of juggling and paying for activities like sports, sleepaway camps, vacations, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really want a fourth but my husband is less convinced. He is more focused on the financial aspect of another kid, which I realize is not insignificant. We make around 500k so we could afford another kid but in his eyes, it would detract from the lifestyle we could provide for the three we have right now. With our three, we can afford to fully pay for their educations, do some pretty cool travel, let them go to whatever camps or extracurricular activities they want, etc. etc.

The point is, we don't really have to worry about money right now but we might after having a fourth.

Is that a good reason not to have a child you want?

These seem like fantastic reasons to stick with three. Don’t hear any great reasons for a fourth. Also, if you work or plan to return to work at some point, it will be more difficult with four, in terms of juggling and paying for activities like sports, sleepaway camps, vacations, etc.

Their HHI is $500k. There's no risk of struggling to pay for sports, camp, vacations, etc. None.

[Anonymous]

I’ll play devil’s advocate to other posters. We had a 4th- similar ages to yours. My husband wasn’t on board at first but then changed his mind when our daughter was 1.5. This baby is the light of our lives (yes along with our other kids before DCUM bashes me). Our kids adore him. I’m so glad we had him. We have similar HHI to you and even if we can’t provide as much as we could to 3, they will be provided for.

To those saying it will harbor resentment if you have a fourth, it could also harbor resentment if you didn’t. Why are her DH’s feelings more valid than hers? We always said 4 but our 3rd was tough so we debated. I would have been upset and resented my husband if we didn’t go for the fourth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ll play devil’s advocate to other posters. We had a 4th- similar ages to yours. My husband wasn’t on board at first but then changed his mind when our daughter was 1.5. This baby is the light of our lives (yes along with our other kids before DCUM bashes me). Our kids adore him. I’m so glad we had him. We have similar HHI to you and even if we can’t provide as much as we could to 3, they will be provided for.

To those saying it will harbor resentment if you have a fourth, it could also harbor resentment if you didn’t. Why are her DH’s feelings more valid than hers? We always said 4 but our 3rd was tough so we debated. I would have been upset and resented my husband if we didn’t go for the fourth.

It's not that his feelings are more valid, it's that resenting an existing kid is a much worse "worst case scenario" than resenting being denied a hypothetical child. Risk reward is different. In both cases the worst case scenario could lead to divorce, but only in the first is there a living child who could end up knowing one parent didn't want them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:With a 500K HHI you're seriously asking for input on this question?

Welcome to DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really want a fourth but my husband is less convinced. He is more focused on the financial aspect of another kid, which I realize is not insignificant. We make around 500k so we could afford another kid but in his eyes, it would detract from the lifestyle we could provide for the three we have right now. With our three, we can afford to fully pay for their educations, do some pretty cool travel, let them go to whatever camps or extracurricular activities they want, etc. etc.

The point is, we don't really have to worry about money right now but we might after having a fourth.

Is that a good reason not to have a child you want?

These seem like fantastic reasons to stick with three. Don’t hear any great reasons for a fourth. Also, if you work or plan to return to work at some point, it will be more difficult with four, in terms of juggling and paying for activities like sports, sleepaway camps, vacations, etc.

Their HHI is $500k. There's no risk of struggling to pay for sports, camp, vacations, etc. None.

All of those costs are highly dependent on their current budget, including mortgage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With a 500K HHI you're seriously asking for input on this question?

Welcome to DCUM.

Aw, come on. I think it's kind of sad that little Mackford might not be able to have that long weekend research trip to Rome when he's assigned Italy for his second grade geography report. Also he might have to share a bathroom with another family member.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With a 500K HHI you're seriously asking for input on this question?

Welcome to DCUM.

Aw, come on. I think it's kind of sad that little Mackford might not be able to have that long weekend research trip to Rome when he's assigned Italy for his second grade geography report. Also he might have to share a bathroom with another family member.

You don't think 500k affords this do you?

first of all, half goes to taxes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do a little googling on the environment. Stop being selfish

+1

Don’t worry too much about the environment. One kid, one vote.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really want a fourth but my husband is less convinced. He is more focused on the financial aspect of another kid, which I realize is not insignificant. We make around 500k so we could afford another kid but in his eyes, it would detract from the lifestyle we could provide for the three we have right now. With our three, we can afford to fully pay for their educations, do some pretty cool travel, let them go to whatever camps or extracurricular activities they want, etc. etc.

The point is, we don't really have to worry about money right now but we might after having a fourth.

Is that a good reason not to have a child you want?

These seem like fantastic reasons to stick with three. Don’t hear any great reasons for a fourth. Also, if you work or plan to return to work at some point, it will be more difficult with four, in terms of juggling and paying for activities like sports, sleepaway camps, vacations, etc.

Their HHI is $500k. There's no risk of struggling to pay for sports, camp, vacations, etc. None.

dp But there is only so much time in a day. Will you be able to give your child the emotional and physical presence? To me, that is just as important as financial. Plus, as someone else put it if one person says no than you shouldn't go for it. Sorry! Your kids are still little and you basically have a baby right now. Just enjoy your family. Don't have a fourth just because your friends have four.

[Anonymous]

Honest question why do you want 4 kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really want a fourth but my husband is less convinced. He is more focused on the financial aspect of another kid, which I realize is not insignificant. We make around 500k so we could afford another kid but in his eyes, it would detract from the lifestyle we could provide for the three we have right now. With our three, we can afford to fully pay for their educations, do some pretty cool travel, let them go to whatever camps or extracurricular activities they want, etc. etc.

The point is, we don't really have to worry about money right now but we might after having a fourth.

Is that a good reason not to have a child you want?

These seem like fantastic reasons to stick with three. Don’t hear any great reasons for a fourth. Also, if you work or plan to return to work at some point, it will be more difficult with four, in terms of juggling and paying for activities like sports, sleepaway camps, vacations, etc.

Their HHI is $500k. There's no risk of struggling to pay for sports, camp, vacations, etc. None.

dp But there is only so much time in a day. Will you be able to give your child the emotional and physical presence? To me, that is just as important as financial. Plus, as someone else put it if one person says no than you shouldn't go for it. Sorry! Your kids are still little and you basically have a baby right now. Just enjoy your family. Don't have a fourth just because your friends have four.

Nobody has 4 bc their friends do.

And contrary to popular belief in dcumlandia, good parents most certainly can provide their kids with emotional and physical presence...even when they have 4. As a parent of 4, I've observed many parents who clearly stopped at 2 because they weren't interested in parenting. These are the parents who prioritize their hobbies (golf, biking, whatever) and social lives. Their FB feed supports the theory.

[Anonymous]

Love is infinite. However time and money are finite. Whatever you have to give to the fourth will take away from the other three.