Want a fourth but - money

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Love is infinite. However time and money are finite. Whatever you have to give to the fourth will take away from the other three.

Not quite. And not really a money issue when your HHI is $500.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you are a little hooked on the pregnancy/baby stage. Can you see yourself not in this role anymore? Do you feel like you might end up wanting 5 if you do have 4? I don’t think your husband’s reluctance is money-based. That’s a ton of kids close in age.

No I don't want 5.

Families with 4 kids is really common in the suburbs.

Suburbs of Salt Lake City, maybe.

[Anonymous]

You make $500K and are worried about money......you've got plenty to live comfortably, hire a nanny for the day so you don't have to take care of them, etc.

[Anonymous]

It’s a PITA to deal with travel and emergencies with 4. I have 3, my sister has 5. We have considered a 4th many times, but as our youngest gets older (she’s 2.5), we’re more and more at peace with “only” 3. It’s already difficult with vacation planning, getting a suite instead of a regular hotel room (or getting two separate rooms). Getting an Uber or regular taxi in a pinch is more difficult. It’s still doable, but it’s just more, and not in a fun way. These reasons alone may not be enough to nix having a 4th, but there examples of many inconveniences that I certainly didn’t think about when we were making #3.

Reading your post, though, OP, the only reason you need is that DH isn’t on board. It’s not that his feelings are more important than yours, it’s that you both can deal with your resentment as adults, but if he’s the one that gets the resentment, in this scenario, there’s another child that has to deal with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband doesn't want another kid. Period.

But don't be fooled by the money argument. You make $500k. Another kid won't be a financial burden. I mean, you aren't falling for that argument, are you?

My SIL often laments the fact that they "couldn't afford" a third kid. They live in a $2 million professionally decorated home in a desirable area. Kids in top private prep schools. Country club. Multiple vacations each year (think: Tuscany, Greece, Japan, 4 Seasons Nevis, etc). She's a SAHM who plays tennis at the club and hasn't worked since she got pregnant. I'm sure her husband earns far more than $500k, yet he somehow managed to convince her they couldn't afford a third. Weird.

Probably because they also have a full time nanny and aren't parenting them and he doesn't want the hassle of a 3rd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do a little googling on the environment. Stop being selfish

x1000

Yes!

If you have excess energy for children you can foster or adopt?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do a little googling on the environment. Stop being selfish

x1000

Yes!

If you have excess energy for children you can foster or adopt?

I would but my husband has less then 0 interest in this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s a PITA to deal with travel and emergencies with 4. I have 3, my sister has 5. We have considered a 4th many times, but as our youngest gets older (she’s 2.5), we’re more and more at peace with “only” 3. It’s already difficult with vacation planning, getting a suite instead of a regular hotel room (or getting two separate rooms). Getting an Uber or regular taxi in a pinch is more difficult. It’s still doable, but it’s just more, and not in a fun way. These reasons alone may not be enough to nix having a 4th, but there examples of many inconveniences that I certainly didn’t think about when we were making #3.

Reading your post, though, OP, the only reason you need is that DH isn’t on board. It’s not that his feelings are more important than yours, it’s that you both can deal with your resentment as adults, but if he’s the one that gets the resentment, in this scenario, there’s another child that has to deal with it.

Once you have 3 and are dealing with those inconveniences anyway, you might as well have 4.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do a little googling on the environment. Stop being selfish

x1000

Yes!

If you have excess energy for children you can foster or adopt?

I would but my husband has less then 0 interest in this.

Than maybe you two don’t have infinite love to give. Re-examine your reasons for having kids.

[Anonymous]

Families with 3 kids are also really common in the suburbs, probably more-so than 4.

Also - if you make 500k and live in the suburbs you should be able to do everything that you mentioned easily, even with 4 kids (unless financial management skills are not present). Sounds like DH doesn’t want another kid for other reasons...and I don’t blame him since 3 is plenty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s a PITA to deal with travel and emergencies with 4. I have 3, my sister has 5. We have considered a 4th many times, but as our youngest gets older (she’s 2.5), we’re more and more at peace with “only” 3. It’s already difficult with vacation planning, getting a suite instead of a regular hotel room (or getting two separate rooms). Getting an Uber or regular taxi in a pinch is more difficult. It’s still doable, but it’s just more, and not in a fun way. These reasons alone may not be enough to nix having a 4th, but there examples of many inconveniences that I certainly didn’t think about when we were making #3.

Reading your post, though, OP, the only reason you need is that DH isn’t on board. It’s not that his feelings are more important than yours, it’s that you both can deal with your resentment as adults, but if he’s the one that gets the resentment, in this scenario, there’s another child that has to deal with it.

I'm not sure it's wise to base the decision on inconveniences like uber or hotel rooms...particularly with a HHI of $500k.

We have 4 kids. We travel a lot, and we either rent a suite, villa or two hotel rooms. And we've never used uber (rent a car, hire a driver, get a minivan/SUV taxi, etc.). And our HHI is *only* $250ish.

[Anonymous]

Money is not the reason for you not to have a fourth. Your husband not wanting a fourth is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really want a fourth but my husband is less convinced. He is more focused on the financial aspect of another kid, which I realize is not insignificant. We make around 500k so we could afford another kid but in his eyes, it would detract from the lifestyle we could provide for the three we have right now. With our three, we can afford to fully pay for their educations, do some pretty cool travel, let them go to whatever camps or extracurricular activities they want, etc. etc.

The point is, we don't really have to worry about money right now but we might after having a fourth.

Is that a good reason not to have a child you want?

There are zillion reasons of not having a child less alone the 4th one. You're asking the wrong crowd, OP. You're asking for opinions of 1, 2, or 3 kids families. Of course, they're going to tell you not going for it.

Pay attention to the ones with 4+ kids, their family dynamics, and if it works out for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Love is infinite. However time and money are finite. Whatever you have to give to the fourth will take away from the other three.

Not quite. And not really a money issue when your HHI is $500.

$500 doesn’t cut it with tuition. My niece was diagnosed with severe dyslexia. Her elementary school alone is $52K a year. 500k a year, minus mortgage, retirement savings, taxes, healthcare, tuition and extracurricular times 3, leaves very little left over

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s a PITA to deal with travel and emergencies with 4. I have 3, my sister has 5. We have considered a 4th many times, but as our youngest gets older (she’s 2.5), we’re more and more at peace with “only” 3. It’s already difficult with vacation planning, getting a suite instead of a regular hotel room (or getting two separate rooms). Getting an Uber or regular taxi in a pinch is more difficult. It’s still doable, but it’s just more, and not in a fun way. These reasons alone may not be enough to nix having a 4th, but there examples of many inconveniences that I certainly didn’t think about when we were making #3.

Reading your post, though, OP, the only reason you need is that DH isn’t on board. It’s not that his feelings are more important than yours, it’s that you both can deal with your resentment as adults, but if he’s the one that gets the resentment, in this scenario, there’s another child that has to deal with it.

I'm not sure it's wise to base the decision on inconveniences like uber or hotel rooms...particularly with a HHI of $500k.

We have 4 kids. We travel a lot, and we either rent a suite, villa or two hotel rooms. And we've never used uber (rent a car, hire a driver, get a minivan/SUV taxi, etc.). And our HHI is *only* $250ish.

I cannot imagine 4 kids in this area on that income. We have that income and I don't get how you pay for college and to me to have kids today and not pay on that kind of income is very selfish.