If you married someone you don't love, why did you do it? How did it end?

[Anonymous]

Baby fever

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I got married bc I wanted kids and he was a nice guy. Not the love of my life, not the best sex ever, but perfect timing as we both wanted to settle down. It has been 17 years and been fine/good. Occasionally I miss the passion of my younger years/lovers but not often. Good is good.


Similar story. Married 6 years, 2 kids mostly good.
I love him but not in the love of my life sort of way (although he feels that way about me). We have shared goals and a life. I'm happy with the kidde we've built together and I don't see it changing. A nice stable life. We enjoy each other's company.

Similar here. I loved him, and still do, but he was not my soul mate who checked every box. At the time, I did not think I had many options (I had not had any long term relationships at that point, despite the fact I was late 20s), we was a really good guy, and loved me deeply. His confidence that we were perfect for each other and should get married definitely influenced me.

You know what? I don’t regret it. He is a wonderful man, and much better of a partner than the marriages I see around me. We’ve been married 11 years, are good friends, have super compatible outlooks on all the important things (money, religion, parenting, morals, standards of housekeeping, how to spend free time), we have regular sex, and I 100% can count on him to support me (not financially - we split that!). We have a good life. The things that gave me pause when we were dating - namely the fact that he’s not talkative or playful and not quite as outgoing and fun as I would have chosen, haven’t gone away, but I’ve found other outlets for those needs. I worry sometimes that once the kids are out of the house I’ll be lonely, but objectively I know I have it pretty good, am committed to him and his marriage, and will just need to make sure I have social outlets beyond our marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Baby fever

If you do this, make sure the person you make a baby with has good genes!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I got married bc I wanted kids and he was a nice guy. Not the love of my life, not the best sex ever, but perfect timing as we both wanted to settle down. It has been 17 years and been fine/good. Occasionally I miss the passion of my younger years/lovers but not often. Good is good.


Similar story. Married 6 years, 2 kids mostly good.
I love him but not in the love of my life sort of way (although he feels that way about me). We have shared goals and a life. I'm happy with the kidde we've built together and I don't see it changing. A nice stable life. We enjoy each other's company.

Similar here. I loved him, and still do, but he was not my soul mate who checked every box. At the time, I did not think I had many options (I had not had any long term relationships at that point, despite the fact I was late 20s), we was a really good guy, and loved me deeply. His confidence that we were perfect for each other and should get married definitely influenced me.

You know what? I don’t regret it. He is a wonderful man, and much better of a partner than the marriages I see around me. We’ve been married 11 years, are good friends, have super compatible outlooks on all the important things (money, religion, parenting, morals, standards of housekeeping, how to spend free time), we have regular sex, and I 100% can count on him to support me (not financially - we split that!). We have a good life. The things that gave me pause when we were dating - namely the fact that he’s not talkative or playful and not quite as outgoing and fun as I would have chosen, haven’t gone away, but I’ve found other outlets for those needs. I worry sometimes that once the kids are out of the house I’ll be lonely, but objectively I know I have it pretty good, am committed to him and his marriage, and will just need to make sure I have social outlets beyond our marriage.

This sounds like a better marriage than many/most I know that married for love. Congrats!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Similar here. I loved him, and still do, but he was not my soul mate who checked every box. At the time, I did not think I had many options (I had not had any long term relationships at that point, despite the fact I was late 20s), we was a really good guy, and loved me deeply. His confidence that we were perfect for each other and should get married definitely influenced me.

You know what? I don’t regret it. He is a wonderful man, and much better of a partner than the marriages I see around me. We’ve been married 11 years, are good friends, have super compatible outlooks on all the important things (money, religion, parenting, morals, standards of housekeeping, how to spend free time), we have regular sex, and I 100% can count on him to support me (not financially - we split that!). We have a good life. The things that gave me pause when we were dating - namely the fact that he’s not talkative or playful and not quite as outgoing and fun as I would have chosen, haven’t gone away, but I’ve found other outlets for those needs. I worry sometimes that once the kids are out of the house I’ll be lonely, but objectively I know I have it pretty good, am committed to him and his marriage, and will just need to make sure I have social outlets beyond our marriage.

Agree that this is a great marriage and the only "problem" is that the poster felt her husband need to be her "soul mate who checked every box." If that's the standard for who we choose to marry, most of us are staying single.

I loved my husband when we married 20 years ago, and I still love him (he loved/loves me). But neither of us would say "soul mate" without cringing, and both of us understand that we are different people now than we were 20 years ago. Marriage is not a static thing, and it is not a perfect thing.

[Anonymous]

My priest says that whenever he sits down with a couple and hears the words “soul mate” he knows that they are doomed.

[Anonymous]

I didn’t want to lose myself in a relationship. Thought that if I was less into the guy I would be better able to maintain my independence & not cave. Also, as you can tell marriage just want a priority for me. So a nice, intelligent, friendly, responsible guy came along... & I figured, why not?
The marriage is boring- but functional. I invest very little into it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I got married bc I wanted kids and he was a nice guy. Not the love of my life, not the best sex ever, but perfect timing as we both wanted to settle down. It has been 17 years and been fine/good. Occasionally I miss the passion of my younger years/lovers but not often. Good is good.


Similar story. Married 6 years, 2 kids mostly good.
I love him but not in the love of my life sort of way (although he feels that way about me). We have shared goals and a life. I'm happy with the kidde we've built together and I don't see it changing. A nice stable life. We enjoy each other's company.

Similar here. I loved him, and still do, but he was not my soul mate who checked every box. At the time, I did not think I had many options (I had not had any long term relationships at that point, despite the fact I was late 20s), we was a really good guy, and loved me deeply. His confidence that we were perfect for each other and should get married definitely influenced me.

You know what? I don’t regret it. He is a wonderful man, and much better of a partner than the marriages I see around me. We’ve been married 11 years, are good friends, have super compatible outlooks on all the important things (money, religion, parenting, morals, standards of housekeeping, how to spend free time), we have regular sex, and I 100% can count on him to support me (not financially - we split that!). We have a good life. The things that gave me pause when we were dating - namely the fact that he’s not talkative or playful and not quite as outgoing and fun as I would have chosen, haven’t gone away, but I’ve found other outlets for those needs. I worry sometimes that once the kids are out of the house I’ll be lonely, but objectively I know I have it pretty good, am committed to him and his marriage, and will just need to make sure I have social outlets beyond our marriage.

Any experienced counselor or professional would tell you that this is 100% normal in a marriage or long term relationship. It doesn’t mean that you don’t love him or that you aren’t compatible as life partners.
People shouldn’t be holding out for a nonexistent unicorn . No one is supposed to expect to have all of their needs met by a spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My priest says that whenever he sits down with a couple and hears the words “soul mate” he knows that they are doomed/ idiots.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I got married bc I wanted kids and he was a nice guy. Not the love of my life, not the best sex ever, but perfect timing as we both wanted to settle down. It has been 17 years and been fine/good. Occasionally I miss the passion of my younger years/lovers but not often. Good is good.


Similar story. Married 6 years, 2 kids mostly good.
I love him but not in the love of my life sort of way (although he feels that way about me). We have shared goals and a life. I'm happy with the kidde we've built together and I don't see it changing. A nice stable life. We enjoy each other's company.

Similar here. I loved him, and still do, but he was not my soul mate who checked every box. At the time, I did not think I had many options (I had not had any long term relationships at that point, despite the fact I was late 20s), we was a really good guy, and loved me deeply. His confidence that we were perfect for each other and should get married definitely influenced me.

You know what? I don’t regret it. He is a wonderful man, and much better of a partner than the marriages I see around me. We’ve been married 11 years, are good friends, have super compatible outlooks on all the important things (money, religion, parenting, morals, standards of housekeeping, how to spend free time), we have regular sex, and I 100% can count on him to support me (not financially - we split that!). We have a good life. The things that gave me pause when we were dating - namely the fact that he’s not talkative or playful and not quite as outgoing and fun as I would have chosen, haven’t gone away, but I’ve found other outlets for those needs. I worry sometimes that once the kids are out of the house I’ll be lonely, but objectively I know I have it pretty good, am committed to him and his marriage, and will just need to make sure I have social outlets beyond our marriage.

Similar story here too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All those 30-year-olds who post on here bemoaning their singlehood should definitely read this thread! Don’t marry someone out of fear you’re getting old.

LOL 30 becomes 40 very quickly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I got married bc I wanted kids and he was a nice guy. Not the love of my life, not the best sex ever, but perfect timing as we both wanted to settle down. It has been 17 years and been fine/good. Occasionally I miss the passion of my younger years/lovers but not often. Good is good.


Similar story. Married 6 years, 2 kids mostly good.
I love him but not in the love of my life sort of way (although he feels that way about me). We have shared goals and a life. I'm happy with the kidde we've built together and I don't see it changing. A nice stable life. We enjoy each other's company.

Similar here. I loved him, and still do, but he was not my soul mate who checked every box. At the time, I did not think I had many options (I had not had any long term relationships at that point, despite the fact I was late 20s), we was a really good guy, and loved me deeply. His confidence that we were perfect for each other and should get married definitely influenced me.

You know what? I don’t regret it. He is a wonderful man, and much better of a partner than the marriages I see around me. We’ve been married 11 years, are good friends, have super compatible outlooks on all the important things (money, religion, parenting, morals, standards of housekeeping, how to spend free time), we have regular sex, and I 100% can count on him to support me (not financially - we split that!). We have a good life. The things that gave me pause when we were dating - namely the fact that he’s not talkative or playful and not quite as outgoing and fun as I would have chosen, haven’t gone away, but I’ve found other outlets for those needs. I worry sometimes that once the kids are out of the house I’ll be lonely, but objectively I know I have it pretty good, am committed to him and his marriage, and will just need to make sure I have social outlets beyond our marriage.

Similar story here too.

So - you have a normal, loving marriage too? Lucky you. Lucky lucky you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All those 30-year-olds who post on here bemoaning their singlehood should definitely read this thread! Don’t marry someone out of fear you’re getting old.

LOL 30 becomes 40 very quickly.

I'd rather be 40 and alone then stuck with 170lbs of baggage.

[Anonymous]

I married someone i didn’t love for similar reasons as PPs. Wanted a family, late 20s, he seemed nice intelligent and responsible. He loved me more, treated me like he would be a friend forever. But it was a bad start to an unhealthy codependent relationship that turned toxic. Marriage made him do a bait and switch - He wanted to stay married while he cheated, ignored sex, barely functioned at work or home and made empty promises he would never fulfill. We lost a child and that was what broke things for me. We ultimately divorced in a long long long drawn out battle that he led with his ego. I walked away from everything to be done snd I have sole custody of our one child’s and he sees her occasionally, as when he pays child support.

Fast forward 3 years, Im dating someone now who wants to marry and I have absolutely no interest in marrying. I don’t see the point anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My priest says that whenever he sits down with a couple and hears the words “soul mate” he knows that they are doomed.

I hope your proest is less cynical and truly a man of God.