If you married someone you don't love, why did you do it? How did it end?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My priest says that whenever he sits down with a couple and hears the words “soul mate” he knows that they are doomed/ idiots.

One of the marriage mentors at our church told all us young moms to stop reading romance novels. Said it just set up unhealthy expectations. Life is not like a Hallmark movie -- and can you imagine what it would be like if it actually was? You'd never get around to getting groceries because your eyes would meet across the kitchen as you were checking the cabinets . . and before you knew it, you'd have twelve kids. (much too swept away with passion to use bc).

[Anonymous]

Marriage is not hard work if you marry the right person.

If you settle, then you have to work to make that puzzle piece fit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Soulmates is a silly concept that requires you to believe some fairytale that you were “made” for someone. It absolves you of the responsibility of actively loving your partner. It’s far less romantic than you think.

Soulmate has nothing to do with the belief that "you were made for someone." But it is so rare that you usually only experience it only once in your life (if you are lucky). It is a connection that goes well beyond the five senses, the languages of love and all of that stuff. But I understand that if you never experience it you might brush it off as fairy tales believes.

X2

Barf again.
Believing this stuff means that you’ll just abandon your steady relationship and run off with your ‘once in a lifetime soul mate’ is that right?
And the regular every day life of paying the bills, working long hours, changing diapers , your MIL berating you, cleaning and waiting for the appliance repairman does nothing to dampen any of your moony eyed feelings ever, is that right?
I’ve loved my DH for 30+ years now both during marriage and friendship but you guys’ gushing descriptions of your relationships makes you seem like insufferable assholes.

You are name calling and berating people. Who is the asshole?

My DH and I are soul mates- extremely compatible as friends, coparents and in the bedroom. We both worked from home today and had an afternoon delight. Been together 15 years and it still feels exciting and fun.

My DH and I are soulmates. I was/am pretty socially awkward and could barely have a conversation with a guy. I have trouble making friends and can't seem to let anyone close except for my mother and sisters. When I met my DH it was such a random chance meeting, but for some reason I wasn't shy with him and could talk to him. It's like I already knew him and was meant to meet him. Being around him was just so easy and felt natural. We've been together for 10 years now and things are still wonderful. We are best friends and have a great sex life. We love seeing each other happy, and he is still the first person I want to experience things with.

[Anonymous]

I was 19 and desperately needed to escape. My brother sodomized me when I was 11, my parents knew, did nothing. I realize now that both my father and brother were mentally ill and I see that I have developed problems because of that.

I didn’t love the woman I married. I hardly knew her. I met her during my diasterous first attempt at college. We had both been raised in restrictive religious environments, and were both virgins on our wedding night. As I learned later, she too suffered from mental illness, but it wasn’t apparent, or more likely my head was too far up my ass to notice.

She would not work outside the home. I busted my ass. Four children in 7 years, and I decided to be snipped to prevent any more.

When my youngest was 18, I left. I paid her $2000/mo alimony for 5 years until she remarried.

We were married for 27 years. We had a stretch of 9 years with no sexual activity. I never strayed. Did I want to do so? Absolutely! Did I have opportunities?Absolutely! It would have hurt my kids, however, and working and raising them was just too difficult to add that issue.

I wonder often how I could live with someone for 27 years and not know her.