Reply to If you married someone you don't love, why did you do it? How did it end?

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Reply to "If you married someone you don't love, why did you do it? How did it end?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

Similar here. I loved him, and still do, but he was not my soul mate who checked every box. At the time, I did not think I had many options (I had not had any long term relationships at that point, despite the fact I was late 20s), we was a really good guy, and loved me deeply. His confidence that we were perfect for each other and should get married definitely influenced me.

You know what? I don’t regret it. He is a wonderful man, and much better of a partner than the marriages I see around me. We’ve been married 11 years, are good friends, have super compatible outlooks on all the important things (money, religion, parenting, morals, standards of housekeeping, how to spend free time), we have regular sex, and I 100% can count on him to support me (not financially - we split that!). We have a good life. The things that gave me pause when we were dating - namely the fact that he’s not talkative or playful and  not quite as outgoing and fun as I would have chosen, haven’t gone away, but I’ve found other outlets for those needs. I worry sometimes that once the kids are out of the house I’ll be lonely, but objectively I know I have it pretty good, am committed to him and his marriage, and will just need to make sure I have social outlets beyond our marriage.
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Agree that this is a great marriage and the only "problem" is that the poster felt her husband need to be her "soul mate who checked every box."  If that's the standard for who we choose to marry, most of us are staying single.

I loved my husband when we married 20 years ago, and I still love him (he loved/loves me).  But neither of us would say "soul mate" without cringing, and both of us understand that we are different people now than we were 20 years ago.  Marriage is not a static thing, and it is not a perfect thing.[/quote]

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