Is "I'm not ready for a serious relationship" a year after divorce plausible?
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Anonymous
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Totally plausible. I am 3 years out from mine and I could take or leave being in a serious relationship right now. I was with my ex for 20 years and since I was a teenager. Female btw
You should respect him for his honesty and definitely not try to change his mind |
Anonymous
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Of course it's plausible! i have a friend who is about 5 years out from separation (not sure how many from official divorce). No kids. He says he's finally ready for a serious relationship...and I totally believe it's taken him this long to process everything and feel disengaged from his marriage.
Everyone is different. |
Anonymous
If you are in the same place where independent of what he feels/said, you weren’t ready for a serious relationship then you can continue to date him. If you want something different, move on. Absolutely don’t date him hoping he changes his feelings. That’s too much pressure on him. You don’t want him to decide to be in a relationship with you because you are there or the last person standing, you want it to be because he wants to be in a relationship with you. Oh and most guys have no problems contacting you out of the blue. if I had a penny for every time I heard a story about an ex-boyfriend/ex-relationship that turns up months and even years later trying to chat it up, I would be a rich person by DCUM standards. Usually, they aren’t about anything or the other person had moved on but trust me when I say you don’t need to explicitly tell him to call you. It’s understood if you want different things and things end somewhat amicably the opportunity could be there in the future but no guarantees you will be available to date him then or feel the same or that it works out the 2nd time around. |
Anonymous
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Female here. Divorced for 2 years, separated for another 2. Between dating and marriage we were together for 24 years. 3 kids. I am not remotely ready for a relationship or even casual dating.
He is being honest. You can be honest with him too. Tell him you DOwant something serious so you are moving on. Good luck |
Anonymous
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2.5 years post separation and still not divorced. I'm lonely sometimes after the kids go to bed but I like my life now and don't really want something serious. If you want serious and more future planning move on. If you're happy to just have the company for now stay in. But know that he may never want serious, or it could be years and years away.
That is really great that he was upfront about it. Accept his words and see how he fits into your 6 month, two year & 5 year plans. Just know he may never change his mind, may never remarry etc. What does not serious mean to him? There's a big difference between no future planning vs. Pursuing other options and sleeping with other people. I would take some space and evaluate what I want. He sounds decent and that's a good sign you could attract other decent guys. |
Anonymous
| Absolutely plausible. I’m a year out from separating and nowhere near ready to be in a serious relationship. Do yourself a favor and gracefully cut ties. |
Anonymous
Totally realistic. I was divorced almost two years before I wanted to even date and about seven years before “anything serious” was appealing. Even then, I was only open to a commitment because my now DH told me that he would not date me casually. |
Anonymous
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I think it’s great. He’s probably still working through why things failed, what he may have contributed to that failure, and hopefully putting himself in a position not to repeat the past.
All of that requires some distance from the relationship. But yes, timing sucks. |
Anonymous
| It took me 4 years from separation to serious relationship. I dated 2 in between there: one very casually, one exclusively before realizing I just couldn’t get there. |
Anonymous
| It is a classic mistake to get remarried too soon. He is mature enough to avoid that. |
Anonymous
| What is he saying he wants? Does he want to continue dating? Is he suggesting you break up? |
Anonymous
Why not casual dating ? |
Anonymous
Different PP, but even casual dating can sometimes ask more of you than you are ready to give. I went through a long period of really wanting to be selfish other than to my kids. I wanted to eat where I pleased, see the movies I preferred, and listen to the music I loved. Even on a casual date, you have to compromise a little or you’ll be an ass. I wasn’t there yet after ten years of always being the one to give up what I wanted. |
Anonymous
| I was married over 20 years, have been divorced for over 4 years, and I am not even close to being ready for a long-term or live-in relationship. |
Anonymous
| If he were ready I’d wonder what his problem was. |