Is "I'm not ready for a serious relationship" a year after divorce plausible?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:During my divorce, my now ex began dating a lady who he moved in with and launched a record speed love festival with. I even heard through several mutual friends that they were engaged. I'm not sure if she was just naïve or hopeful, but I couldn't believe how foolish she was and that she apparently had not heard of the word "rebound"

We were together for 20+ years and have 4 kids together. As soon as the divorce was final and the reality of our marriage being over set in, he broke up with her.

I would be very hesitant about dating someone who is newly divorced. It takes a while to get someone fully out of your system, if ever.

i do think it depends on what led to the split etc. My ex DW cheated and 3 years on my only interaction with her is txt and sometimes see each other at drop off kids etc. She barely exits at all in my head and that is great ! Yes it takes time to recover post divorce but also consider that for some the ex is a non-issue and non existent.


As for playing the field post divorce; I have met many women (40s - 50s) who are dating multiple people many years post divorce so maybe its good to have that conversation early on if you want to align expectations,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:During my divorce, my now ex began dating a lady who he moved in with and launched a record speed love festival with. I even heard through several mutual friends that they were engaged. I'm not sure if she was just naïve or hopeful, but I couldn't believe how foolish she was and that she apparently had not heard of the word "rebound"

We were together for 20+ years and have 4 kids together. As soon as the divorce was final and the reality of our marriage being over set in, he broke up with her.

I would be very hesitant about dating someone who is newly divorced. It takes a while to get someone fully out of your system, if ever.

Op here. No way would I ever date someone before the divorce was final. Especially a guy with kids. I would not want to feel any degree of responsibility for a marriage not working out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:During my divorce, my now ex began dating a lady who he moved in with and launched a record speed love festival with. I even heard through several mutual friends that they were engaged. I'm not sure if she was just naïve or hopeful, but I couldn't believe how foolish she was and that she apparently had not heard of the word "rebound"

We were together for 20+ years and have 4 kids together. As soon as the divorce was final and the reality of our marriage being over set in, he broke up with her.

I would be very hesitant about dating someone who is newly divorced. It takes a while to get someone fully out of your system, if ever.

i do think it depends on what led to the split etc. My ex DW cheated and 3 years on my only interaction with her is txt and sometimes see each other at drop off kids etc. She barely exits at all in my head and that is great ! Yes it takes time to recover post divorce but also consider that for some the ex is a non-issue and non existent.


As for playing the field post divorce; I have met many women (40s - 50s) who are dating multiple people many years post divorce so maybe its good to have that conversation early on if you want to align expectations,

That would not be for me because women can find an unlimited # of men to date. No way I will compete for someone like its a TV show.

[Anonymous]

OP, I would respect that he is this honest with you. He obviously is a man who is very careful with who he becomes involved with. Nothing wrong with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I would respect that he is this honest with you. He obviously is a man who is very careful with who he becomes involved with. Nothing wrong with that.

Op here. Yeah it's good he told me, but I'm not sure that shows he's careful who he gets involved with, depending on your definition of involved. It's entirely possible he's casually sleeping with tons of women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m 3 yrs out after 20 yrs. I’m not ready for anything serious. I’m still trying to figure out what makes me happy. I’m female BTW.

+1. But pretty much decided that I like and am happy with casual and never want to be exclusive/serious or marry again... so yeah, perfectly plausible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 3 yrs out after 20 yrs. I’m not ready for anything serious. I’m still trying to figure out what makes me happy. I’m female BTW.

+1. But pretty much decided that I like and am happy with casual and never want to be exclusive/serious or marry again... so yeah, perfectly plausible.

Are you male or female?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Yeah, my comment about looks comparison was irrelevant.

All this is really making me re think dating guys who are divorced, period. Especially the ones who have been married for so long and basically grew up with someone. It feels almost like I am dating someone else's husband. I only started being willing to date divorced guys a year ago and now I'm thinking I should stop. I want a serious relationship and if so many divorced people don't or or possibly hung up on their ex wives, maybe I am wasting my time.

Probably. These people are always going to come with baggage and sounds like you're not up to dealing with the baggage. No harm no foul.

Op here. Well, I'd be up for it if any of them said, and acted like, they were ready to be in a full, healthy relationship ship with me. I think being married and or being a dad can be a growing experience for a man and that has some positives. But I've dated three divorced dads now. Their divorced dates ranged from a year previous to three years previous to meeting me. As it turned out all they wanted was casual dating. Or at least that's all they wanted with me. I know people talk about guys not wanting to commit, but I honestly really have not encountered that issue with guys who haven't been married yet. Plenty of other guys have wanted to be in serious relationships with me.

There is a very good reason for that. The hunting grounds are so rich for a middle-aged divorced man that there isn't a reason to settle down with just one woman. I'm seeing two right now, and hoping to add a third. None are serious, and I make sure they know it.

Op here - well then, no more divorced men for me. That settles it.

Yes, because those never-married men are all virgins, right? I have a mid-50s never-married friend. He is a serial dater who has had sex with at least 300 women in his lifetime. He is unattractive, but in shape, and quite wealthy because he was never married.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Uh, not looking for a virgin. And I don't date men that old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hmm...I know a divorced dad of teens. He dates (a lot), but he won't get serious.

Personally, I think he has zero interest in remarrying. Maybe one day after his kids have launched. I respect him for not bringing strange women around. He dates when the kids are with their mom.

He's very good looking, kind, and financially stable. Women chase him. He gets the action he needs, but doesn't commit. He doesn't have to, and I don't think he wants to.

The bottom line is that if a guy wants to be with you, then he will. There's nothing you can do to force it.

Op here. Hmm. Is this guy in DC?

I'm attracted to him but I wouldn't say he is drop dead gorgeous. And I know this sounds super catty - but I'm definitely better looking and in better shape than his ex.....

His ex isn’t your competition.

+1

That's for damn sure. Other gorgeous, single women are your competition now.

[Anonymous]

It's plausible. I was married fro 19 years and unhappy for 10 of those. I started dating the month after. I've been in a serious relationship. My ex has not been ready. He's finally dating, but after a year, is not ready for anything serious.

My ex is convinced that I was cheating. I actually wasn't, but realized that the guy I met was amazing and wasn't willing to let him go.

On the other hand, I have a colleague (guy) - met a woman and left his wife of 15 years after 2 weeks. He's been happily married to the "other woman" for 6 years. They are blissful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 3 yrs out after 20 yrs. I’m not ready for anything serious. I’m still trying to figure out what makes me happy. I’m female BTW.

+1. But pretty much decided that I like and am happy with casual and never want to be exclusive/serious or marry again... so yeah, perfectly plausible.

Are you male or female?

Female.

[Anonymous]

Guy here. I was married ten years. We got divorced, and I tried dating a year into it. I couldn't feel anything. Two years passed and it was more of the same. I'd say it took at least three or four years before I actually felt something romantic or emotional for someone else. He may be telling the truth. It doesn't sound like you want the same thing whether he's lying or not. Do you really want to wait around for him to start feeling stuff or become serious with you out of a sense of obligation? Move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Guy here. I was married ten years. We got divorced, and I tried dating a year into it. I couldn't feel anything. Two years passed and it was more of the same. I'd say it took at least three or four years before I actually felt something romantic or emotional for someone else. He may be telling the truth. It doesn't sound like you want the same thing whether he's lying or not. Do you really want to wait around for him to start feeling stuff or become serious with you out of a sense of obligation? Move on.

Op here. So, curious. Did you date and sleep with women even though you didn't feel anything emotionally? Or were you celibate or what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's plausible. I was married fro 19 years and unhappy for 10 of those. I started dating the month after. I've been in a serious relationship. My ex has not been ready. He's finally dating, but after a year, is not ready for anything serious.

My ex is convinced that I was cheating. I actually wasn't, but realized that the guy I met was amazing and wasn't willing to let him go.

On the other hand, I have a colleague (guy) - met a woman and left his wife of 15 years after 2 weeks. He's been happily married to the "other woman" for 6 years. They are blissful.

Did you have kids with your ex husband?