My son's best friend has a new super cute gf. But my son doesn't

[Anonymous]

All my friends had boyfriends in high school. I did not. I can not imagine the horrific shame and mortification I would have felt if my mother had suggested a) there was something wrong with me or b) that my friends set me up with their bf's friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is it her responsibility to get your son a gf? (and 'attends a more selective private' is a major eyeroll)

I never did this when young or even now - it's a recipe for disaster.

I and all my friends did this all through high school, college, even after college. It's a common social thing. Only the mean girls of DCUM would pretend this is weird.

[Anonymous]

Don’t worry. Your son’s friend will probably get his perfect girlfriend pregnant soon and you can feel superior about your immature DS again.

Kidding, obviously. Seriously though, your son just probably isn’t interested or ready yet. Also, you mentioned they go to different schools. Dating scenes vary wildly by school. Especially in single sex vs co-ed schools.

And finally, it goes without saying, you are way too involved and invested in this and you need to back off. You already remind me of my mother in law who never had daughters and pounced on me in a smothering fashion as soon as she met me. Tread lightly.

[Anonymous]

You gross me out, OP. Agree with the others that you are way too involved. It's gross how you compare your son to his friend and decide your son is better because of the school he goes to. It's gross that you like this girl because she's cute! and outgoing! It's gross that you're thinking about this so much. It's gross that you think your son is immature because he's not trying to hook up with one of the friends of his best friend's girlfriend. Maybe your son is gay and doesn't feel he can tell you. Ever consider that?

And it's lame that you think what was done "back in your day" is what is done currently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please don't rake me over the coals for this. So DS's best friend, I'd say they're equally handsome young men, gregarious, both sporty, my DS is more accomplished in academics (attends more selective private). They hang together all the time. Well, maybe not as much this summer.

Over the weekend his friend brought his new gf to our beach house. Super sweet girl, super cute, very outgoing! Plays soccer and cheers. After, we asked DS if he's met any of her friends (hint, hint). He honestly said no. Isn't it odd that his best friend's gf hasn't tried to introduce him to her friends to get the double date/couple thing going?

Back in my day it was super common to set up friends with each other. Am I reaching? I think my DS is sometimes super immature for his age. I'm wondering if this is another signal of it.

And this is relevant because ... why?

In some circles, a boy at for example, a Big 3 private, would be a status symbol demonstrating some level of family money, connections, athletic prowess and baseline intelligence.

[Anonymous]

This is a very, very, very strange post. WTF!

[Anonymous]

If he meets them "organically" when they all hang out together - sure. But on purpose - no.

OP your son is likely just not ready for a GF and perhaps, to their peers, he is not as cool as his buddy. You seem to think your son is better than or more desirable than his friend. You are clearly wrong. You cannot possibly be objective bu the proof is before you.

Leave him alone. All you can do it muck it up and make it sucky for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you care if your well adjusted teenage son has a girlfriend? Seriously, if he's happy with sports and academics for now, that's a good thing!

Touche. But that doesn't explain why his pal's gf hasn't tried to set him up with her single friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please don't rake me over the coals for this. So DS's best friend, I'd say they're equally handsome young men, gregarious, both sporty, my DS is more accomplished in academics (attends more selective private). They hang together all the time. Well, maybe not as much this summer.

Over the weekend his friend brought his new gf to our beach house. Super sweet girl, super cute, very outgoing! Plays soccer and cheers. After, we asked DS if he's met any of her friends (hint, hint). He honestly said no. Isn't it odd that his best friend's gf hasn't tried to introduce him to her friends to get the double date/couple thing going?

Back in my day it was super common to set up friends with each other. Am I reaching? I think my DS is sometimes super immature for his age. I'm wondering if this is another signal of it.

And this is relevant because ... why?

In some circles, a boy at for example, a Big 3 private, would be a status symbol demonstrating some level of family money, connections, athletic prowess and baseline intelligence.

Are you from around here? When I was growing up, the schools that we associated with guys that were a “good catch” were not at all the schools that parents freak over. Sidwell? We never saw those kids. They had no time to be as social as we wanted. GDS? Too nerdy. The girls all chased after the douchey Landon guys or the fun Gonzaga guys. We didn’t care if they were ivy bound or their families came here on the mayflower. We cared if they scored in the lacrosse game we were watching, if there parents were always out of town and they could throw parties, and how they looked with their shirt off. Duh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he meets them "organically" when they all hang out together - sure. But on purpose - no.

OP your son is likely just not ready for a GF and perhaps, to their peers, he is not as cool as his buddy. You seem to think your son is better than or more desirable than his friend. You are clearly wrong. You cannot possibly be objective bu the proof is before you.

Leave him alone. All you can do it muck it up and make it sucky for him.

I don't think my son is any cooler, they seem pretty equal. I wasn't bragging about his school, more-so to explain they go to different schools, thus he doesn't know this girl or any of her friends. In other words, even more reason for her to put her friends in touch with him. At least that's what me and my friends would have done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you care if your well adjusted teenage son has a girlfriend? Seriously, if he's happy with sports and academics for now, that's a good thing!

Agree. Let him figure this out for himself. I completely understand how you want him to be happy and you'd like to make that happen for him. And despite your denial, your worry suggests otherwise. But you can't do it for him. I know how hard it is to back off and let a teenager figure things out. Take a deep breath and hang in there and don't get involved!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please don't rake me over the coals for this. So DS's best friend, I'd say they're equally handsome young men, gregarious, both sporty, my DS is more accomplished in academics (attends more selective private). They hang together all the time. Well, maybe not as much this summer.

Over the weekend his friend brought his new gf to our beach house. Super sweet girl, super cute, very outgoing! Plays soccer and cheers. After, we asked DS if he's met any of her friends (hint, hint). He honestly said no. Isn't it odd that his best friend's gf hasn't tried to introduce him to her friends to get the double date/couple thing going?

Back in my day it was super common to set up friends with each other. Am I reaching? I think my DS is sometimes super immature for his age. I'm wondering if this is another signal of it.

And this is relevant because ... why?

In some circles, a boy at for example, a Big 3 private, would be a status symbol demonstrating some level of family money, connections, athletic prowess and baseline intelligence.

Are you from around here? When I was growing up, the schools that we associated with guys that were a “good catch” were not at all the schools that parents freak over. Sidwell? We never saw those kids. They had no time to be as social as we wanted. GDS? Too nerdy. The girls all chased after the douchey Landon guys or the fun Gonzaga guys. We didn’t care if they were ivy bound or their families came here on the mayflower. We cared if they scored in the lacrosse game we were watching, if there parents were always out of town and they could throw parties, and how they looked with their shirt off. Duh.

That wasn't me. -OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you care if your well adjusted teenage son has a girlfriend? Seriously, if he's happy with sports and academics for now, that's a good thing!

Agree. Let him figure this out for himself. I completely understand how you want him to be happy and you'd like to make that happen for him. And despite your denial, your worry suggests otherwise. But you can't do it for him. I know how hard it is to back off and let a teenager figure things out. Take a deep breath and hang in there and don't get involved!

Just to add - this is not about figuring out what girls these days normally do or do not do. This is about mom needing to back off - as hard as it feels. That's the hardest part about parenting a teenager - accepting that you don't have control over things that you could easily fix. Been there. Done that. Got the t-shirt. Good luck, mom!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:mom is worried her son is an incel.

Yes!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are way too invested in this. You shouldn't be making your son feel like a girlfriend is a status symbol in the first place, let alone that he is lower in your eyes for not acquiring a cute enough one. This is very, very bizarre behavior on your part.

I didn't project any of this on him. I merely tried to provide as much detail to you all for purpose of insightful responses.

Your entire post is about how your son is just as good as his friend in most ways, and better (in your opinion) in others, but you don't understand why friend has a cute girlfriend and he doesn't, and now you're pressuring the friend's gf to find him someone and calling your son immature to strangers on a message board because he's failed to "beat" his friend in this girlfriend competition that only exists in your head.

You are behaving very badly. Leave that girl alone, and stay out of your son's love life.

Very good summary, PP!