I don't want Grandparents taking baby for the night every week

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does he want to do that?

I hate to say this, but they have money and[b] I think he wants to butter them (his mom who controls everything) up. Honestly, even once a month seems too much to me. I think it's fine if he goes over there during the day - which he has been doing once a week forever - which is also a lot - but this new idea of the baby sleeping over there is too much.

Say more about this bolded statement, OP.

Well I think the money is a motivating factor for him. It seems like he is constantly trying to butter his mother up even though she is not very nice to him. I thought she genuinely loved our son but through various instances and factors I have come to suspect she enjoys him more for the newfound stardom of a baby grandson with her friends. Even though his father makes all the money his mother controls all the finances and reigns with a tight fist and grip. Essentially I think his mother wants to see the baby and he wants to do everything he can to (in his mind) appease and please her.

So do his parents give you money? Pay for housing, vacations, etc?

[Anonymous]

Wait, do they mean every week to mean they keep the baby all week and you have him on weekends?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does he want to do that?

I hate to say this, but they have money and[b] I think he wants to butter them (his mom who controls everything) up. Honestly, even once a month seems too much to me. I think it's fine if he goes over there during the day - which he has been doing once a week forever - which is also a lot - but this new idea of the baby sleeping over there is too much.

Say more about this bolded statement, OP.

Well I think the money is a motivating factor for him. It seems like he is constantly trying to butter his mother up even though she is not very nice to him. I thought she genuinely loved our son but through various instances and factors I have come to suspect she enjoys him more for the newfound stardom of a baby grandson with her friends. Even though his father makes all the money his mother controls all the finances and reigns with a tight fist and grip. Essentially I think his mother wants to see the baby and he wants to do everything he can to (in his mind) appease and please her.

So do his parents give you money? Pay for housing, vacations, etc?

Not a cent. I think this about inheritance in his mind. Vs sibling

[Anonymous]

Say no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait, do they mean every week to mean they keep the baby all week and you have him on weekends?

No. One night a week on the weekend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Say no.

I feel like I can't just say no. He's both of our son so I feel like I need to get his agreement. I can't just dictate. Am I wrong here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Say no.

I feel like I can't just say no. He's both of our son so I feel like I need to get his agreement. I can't just dictate. Am I wrong here?

Yes, you are wrong. You CAN dictate. It is not unreasonable or controlling to expect your six month old baby to spend every night with you. If you’d like to offer a compromise, offer one night every 6 weeks. Not every month.

[Anonymous]

Once a week is absurd. How about you and DH plan a staycation or close by night away and they can babysit overnight for that. But it's a special occasion, not weekly. The fact that your husband would use your baby as a tool to solidify inheritance is a very poor reflection on him.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are the baby's mother. You gave birth to him. It's just different, it's not equal, and I say this as a feminist.

If you do not feel comfortable with this arrangement for any reason - and I don't blame you - do NOT do it. You do not have to meet your DH on equal ground here.

Also, and I will spare you the backstory, I once saw a similar arrangement have a tragic ending. You have a mother's instinct for a reason. If you want your baby home, keep your baby home. DH can take a chill pill.

[Anonymous]

Your baby is neither a toy to be shown off nor an offering for money. You get to use the “no” card here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Say no.

I feel like I can't just say no. He's both of our son so I feel like I need to get his agreement. I can't just dictate. Am I wrong here?

The vetoing parent wins. This applies to a lot of things - having another kid, moving house, choosing private school, agreeing to travel arrangements. It's good that you want consensus but consensus is not required for certain decisions affecting the whole family.

Frequent overnights would be a hard no from me. My MIL has been pressing us to let DC sleep over for years now. I'm not saying never, but I think that young kids need a steady sleep routine, plus I want to see my kid. If you guys need a night out, consider having your MIL stay over while you go to a hotel. The cost snd inconvenience should help limit the frequency.

[Anonymous]

No overnights. But MIL or someone should come once a week so you and DH can go out and have a date night without a baby.

Ignore the people who are telling you have absolute control over everything because you are the mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your baby is neither a toy to be shown off nor an offering for money. You get to use the “no” card here.

+1

If my husband seriously suggested/decided that I should part with one of my babies for even one night a month just to keep the grandparents happy so they might give us an inheritance one day, I'd be considering a divorce. Really. I'd wonder who the heck I married. What's next, that you should do some prostitution on the side? You know, to make some extra cash? Some things just aren't for sale. Or at least, they shouldn't be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Say no.

I feel like I can't just say no. He's both of our son so I feel like I need to get his agreement. I can't just dictate. Am I wrong here?

The vetoing parent wins. This applies to a lot of things - having another kid, moving house, choosing private school, agreeing to travel arrangements. It's good that you want consensus but consensus is not required for certain decisions affecting the whole family.

Frequent overnights would be a hard no from me. My MIL has been pressing us to let DC sleep over for years now. I'm not saying never, but I think that young kids need a steady sleep routine, plus I want to see my kid. If you guys need a night out, consider having your MIL stay over while you go to a hotel. The cost snd inconvenience should help limit the frequency.

This is also bad advice. No wonder so mny of you have effed up kids and effed up marriages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Say no.

I feel like I can't just say no. He's both of our son so I feel like I need to get his agreement. I can't just dictate. Am I wrong here?

You can tell him no, but he can also tell you no and take the child anyway.

So it's better if you have a discussion about why you aren't comfortable with this plan right now, maybe you would be open to night at grandma's once a week when the kid is At least 3 years old. Maybe you would be okay with grandma coming to babysit for a few hours one night a week while you and DH go out for dinner.

But you have to talk and communicate. I know DCUM hates this advise, but I think a few sessions of marriage counseling might be in order it seems you guys need help learning to communicate with each other and finding the balance between being a couple, being parents yourselves and managing your own parents.