I don't want Grandparents taking baby for the night every week

[Anonymous]

I think you also need to pay attention to something else. I suspect your husband also wants attention, and sees this as a way to get his pre-baby relationship back. Now, is once a week too often? Probably. But pay attention to the relationship between the two of you and don’t let the baby become the only thing the two of you have together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you also need to pay attention to something else. I suspect your husband also wants attention, and sees this as a way to get his pre-baby relationship back. Now, is once a week too often? Probably. But pay attention to the relationship between the two of you and don’t let the baby become the only thing the two of you have together.

This this this!!!!!!!!

[Anonymous]

When you press your husband to explain why he wants to do this, what does he say? I’m assuming he doesn’t say he wants the inheritance. Tell him it would make you really unhappy, and it’s a question of who’s going to be unhappy: you or his mother. She can spend time with the baby while you’re at work, but you get dibs on the baby when you’re home.

I agree with the advice about putting energy into your marriage as well as into parenting.

[Anonymous]

I would be ok with once a month.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you also need to pay attention to something else. I suspect your husband also wants attention, and sees this as a way to get his pre-baby relationship back. Now, is once a week too often? Probably. But pay attention to the relationship between the two of you and don’t let the baby become the only thing the two of you have together.

Unfortunately, the baby is the only thing the two of us have together. Our relationship was awful before the baby came. After the baby my husband has been so happy/focused on the baby/loves being a dad/having a family that he is no longer the awful, controlling, borderline emotional abuser he was before. And we have been to counseling, as someone suggested. Not a lot of help. So the baby actually "saved" our relationship (knowing full well that a baby saving a relationship does not exist). But I digress. Now that it is the morning of the night he is taking him, I keep wondering more and more if this was all my husband's idea and his parents didn't ask for the baby overnight at all. Having the baby overnight is hard work! As he is still not 100% sleeping through the night. I keep wondering if he framed this as a favor to us to take the baby. And no, as someone suggested, my husband has no interest in our relationship so it was not "needing a night out" or whatever - he said he had errands he wanted to take care of. But it makes no sense that the baby would prevent him from doing errands because I am the one who takes care of him all day and all night.

[Anonymous]

Given your post at 07:54 - Ask yourself a hard, sad question. Is your husband planning on leaving you and working on his backup babysitting options via his parents for when he has split custody?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Given your post at 07:54 - Ask yourself a hard, sad question. Is your husband planning on leaving you and working on his backup babysitting options via his parents for when he has split custody?

Maybe? I don't know. I don't think so though because I don't think he wants to take care of him that much - but maybe he would just give him to his mom is your point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Given your post at 07:54 - Ask yourself a hard, sad question. Is your husband planning on leaving you and working on his backup babysitting options via his parents for when he has split custody?

Maybe? I don't know. I don't think so though because I don't think he wants to take care of him that much - but maybe he would just give him to his mom is your point.

Exactly my point.

[Anonymous]

THEN SAY NO.

Work out a schedule that works for you, like: "When DS is 18 months, and sleeping well and comfortable with doing so, I will be fine with him staying over there once a month."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Given your post at 07:54 - Ask yourself a hard, sad question. Is your husband planning on leaving you and working on his backup babysitting options via his parents for when he has split custody?

Maybe? I don't know. I don't think so though because I don't think he wants to take care of him that much - but maybe he would just give him to his mom is your point.

Exactly my point.

The only reason I would think that is not true is 1) he really, really wants a family and 2) I think he would think it would mess up the baby and he loves the baby more than anything.

[Anonymous]

Can the grandparents come to your house instead once a week to babysit so you guys can go out? (Separately or together -- since it sounds like you don't necessarily want to go out together, but maybe grandparents don't need to know that.)

Once a week overnight would be too much at that age, for me. Once a month would be doable, however. Also, maybe if it weren't overnight, it would be easier -- how about two mornings a month? Or even one morning every week and you can be free to take a class or something? A friend of mine has an arrangement like this. Her mother in law drives 30 mins to her house early Saturday morning, watches baby for 3 hours while friend goes to yoga and does a couple errands, then they all do lunch and mother in law heads home. Everyone seems happy with this arrangement.

[Anonymous]

My parents did this sort of when DS was 1 and 2, but I SAH so it was welcomed. If you don't want to that's completely valid!

[Anonymous]

DH doesn't sound like the greatest guy. I would not want my DC around his parents that much, that's for sure.

[Anonymous]

Get back into therapy. Get a new one of the old one didn’t help. Go by yourself if your husband won’t go with you. This whole thing sounds really messed up. A baby is not a foundation upon which a marriage is built.

[Anonymous]

I would only have my kid sleepover at grandparents rarely. Maybe once a month, if that. And especially so young? No!