Shocked at how little the parents are donating to the holiday bonus for the teachers

[Anonymous]

Yes, you are way off base in assuming that every family, based on their job title and what you think their combined income is, will contribute $150.
There are a lot of reasons why they may be contributing $40 total: Mortgages, student loans, healthcare expenses, helping other family members financially, assisting aging parents, etc.
We are at a private school now, but there is no minimum and people who would like to contribute (no obligation to) give what they can. I really hope they aren't as judgmental as you seem to be.

[Anonymous]

It is disgusting of you to count other people's money. You do not know that I am paying for my friend's daughter's orthadontia because my friend can't afford it. You do not know that my parents had a problem which caused them to need to stay in a hotel in an expensive city for two weeks, and I gave them a few thousand dollars. You do not know that my beloved Grandpa, who walked me down the aisle and came to visit when each of my kids was born, will die early next year and we are saving money to all go visit him one last time because he can't travel anymore.

You also don't know that every time DH shows up to pick up DD from preschool, he sees the main teacher either ignoring DD or glaring at her, but NEVER smiling. She isn't mistreated, but it's ... simply not someone we're going to feel good giving $100 to.

[Anonymous]

I live in Bethesda and contributed to the school gift. I gave ten teachers $10 each, and some years when my husband was out of job, $5.

I don't spend $100 on gifts for my own family and friends, OP.
A teacher's gift should be a small token of appreciation, not a huge bonus.
I do not plan on giving the elementary and middle school teachers any gifts this year, because at that level my children and I only do this when they go above and beyond.

I can't relate to you at all.

[Anonymous]

You're expecting each family to contribute $100? So assuming 15 kids in the class you'd distribute $15,000 in holiday gifts? That is crazy. $20 per family per teacher sounds completely reasonable to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I live in Bethesda and contributed to the school gift. I gave ten teachers $10 each, and some years when my husband was out of job, $5.

I don't spend $100 on gifts for my own family and friends, OP.
A teacher's gift should be a small token of appreciation, not a huge bonus.
I do not plan on giving the elementary and middle school teachers any gifts this year, because at that level my children and I only do this when they go above and beyond.

I can't relate to you at all.

And I would willingly pay more in tuition to go to teachers' salaries. I'm on the PTA board and have volunteered extensively for years. I think the gift culture is out of control and that it creates inequalities in such situations.

[Anonymous]

I just got the note from daycare suggesting a $70 TOTAL min donation from each family, more if you have multiple children. I think expecting $100 per teacher is way out of line.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just got the note from daycare suggesting a $70 TOTAL min donation from each family, more if you have multiple children. I think expecting $100 per teacher is way out of line.

I would laugh and throw that in the bin. No donation from me.

[Anonymous]

Op here. ok well that's why I asked! I do appreciate all of the responses, even the snarky ones

I guess I just feel so guilty that the teachers make so little (like 30K a year) and know that they must rely on the extra money from babysitting, etc. just to stay afloat. I give all of the people that help us (our after school babysitter, house cleaner, lawn guy, etc.) $100 during this time of year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will start this off by saying that we go to a daycare associated with a university and that most of the parents in the class are either two professor families or are one prof and one working professional families so people are making at least 100K a year.

I am the room parent for my daughter's daycare classroom. All the kids are 2. There are two teachers - one is technically assistant and one is lead but they share the duties pretty equally. I sent an email last night asking for donations for the teacher's holiday gift and a note about the classroom holiday party. The donations I am getting are a joke! Mostly $40 TOTAL. That's $20 per teacher. What??

Last year, in the infant room, we gave each teacher (of which there were 3) $150 each! I had been planning on giving $100 per teacher this year. $20 per teacher just seems insultingly low to me. I am hoping some parents that haven't donated yet are more generous.

Am I way off base in expecting people to be generous to the two people that watch their kid every single day?!

Then suggest their salaries be raised, you idiot. Or supplement from your own inexhaustible supply of money.
Just don't come back and complain you're broke and scraping by on $250K.

[Anonymous]

I always give a low amount to the group gift and give my own gift separately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just got the note from daycare suggesting a $70 TOTAL min donation from each family, more if you have multiple children. I think expecting $100 per teacher is way out of line.

I would laugh and throw that in the bin. No donation from me.

Yeah, it's a little off-putting, but I appreciate the transparency. I will give and then not have to worry about individual gift cards, etc. Seems to be the culture at the daycare.

[Anonymous]

She's also assuming everyone only has one child. You do realize that when you ask each family to contribute one hundred dollars per child there are people who have three children or four, don't you?
If your entire budget for christmas is a thousand dollars and someone asks for almost half, you're gonna say no.

[Anonymous]

For a frame of reference, MCPS caps teacher gift amounts at $20/student. So no, that isn't a ridiculously low amount for people to contribute.

Do you just have one child? In this room with two teachers? Consider yourself lucky! Other people have two or three kids and those kids have MULTIPLE teachers for core subjects. That doesn't even include specials teachers. We appreciate our children's teachers and definitely give them gifts at the holidays and end of the year, but we cannot spring for $150 a head!

DS is in a private middle school. The parents' association suggested that each family contribute $40 to the holiday fund, which would be divided among all of the teachers. Those who can do more certainly do (private gifts are discouraged), but I'm sure there are those who struggle with even $40.

Be happy that you are getting contributions at all and buy the teachers something thoughtful with the amount that parents contribute.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. ok well that's why I asked! I do appreciate all of the responses, even the snarky ones

I guess I just feel so guilty that the teachers make so little (like 30K a year) and know that they must rely on the extra money from babysitting, etc. just to stay afloat. I give all of the people that help us (our after school babysitter, house cleaner, lawn guy, etc.) $100 during this time of year.

I agree about the low salary. It breaks my heart. But my husband and I make over 100K combined, and we're barely skating by. The cost of rent/daycare is so high in this area, we're barely saving money. That being said, I gave $50 to the teacher gift pool. It was the absolute most I could give. And I'll probably still give a separate small gift to the two lead teachers to show my appreciation.

I want to honor them, and I know that the work they do is so important. At the same time, the fact that they should be paid more is an issue that goes beyond Christmas gifts. The DC metro area needs to reevaluate its cost of living for everyone, especially low income workers. I've gone on a tangent now, but I think what we're touching on is the fact that so many of us, even with good jobs, are struggling to pay the bills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. ok well that's why I asked! I do appreciate all of the responses, even the snarky ones

I guess I just feel so guilty that the teachers make so little (like 30K a year) and know that they must rely on the extra money from babysitting, etc. just to stay afloat. I give all of the people that help us (our after school babysitter, house cleaner, lawn guy, etc.) $100 during this time of year.

NP here. You have a kind heart, but you are unfortunately very naive. It's very nice that you have a nice healthy family with no outstanding costs that you can afford to be generous. Many people with young children have many side expenses. In my circle of friends, I know many who are sandwich generation and are helping to support their parents or have parents or themselves who have medical issues. My wife has a medical issue that costs us a lot in visits to specialists, expensive medications. This year, my parents, my MIL, my sister and my BIL have all had expenses and health issues that have required a lot of money. I know many who have large student loans. You don't know their situation and what external expenses that they have, so it's not appropriate to be so arrogant and judgmental. You don't know who had a foundation crack in their house that cost them a lot to repair. You don't know who had to replace their HVAC last month. Or who had their 14 year old car die and had to buy a new car.

Be generous. You kindly asked for donations and people gave what the could afford. The point of doing collections as a group from the room is so that families who have less or who cannot afford more will not be singled out to look poor against those who can afford to give more. It means each family is appreciated equally for whatever they could afford to contribute. That's what the holiday spirit is about.