At the end of my rope with low sex drive husband

[Anonymous]

Ugh. Same, girl. It's depressing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do not know what to do. My husband would be very content with sex every 2, 3, maybe even 4 weeks. I would prefer to have sex maybe 4-5 times per week. I ENJOY sex. Not only do I struggle with the fact that our sex drives are so different, I struggle even more with the idea that he just doesn't want to have sex with me. How absolutely demeaning is it to fight with your spouse about having sex with you. It has destroyed any emotional component of it for me.

We should not have gotten married, it was so stupid. Now we are tied up financially and parentally with two small kids and the logistics of a divorce are so overwhelming to me.

The latest, he is telling me that I am the one with an abnormal sex drive and that I should see a doctor (in response to me kindly suggesting that he should see a doctor to have his testosterone tested).

I am attractive. I am not overweight. There is nothing wrong with my physical appearance at all whatsoever. Men hit on me constantly. I am a normal social person with friends, I am not a weirdo or anything. I also have a good job and a high income. I don't know why I am having to deal with this but it just sucks so much. Tonight I suggested an open marriage and that was unacceptable. What else can I do?

i call troll. this cannot be a true story.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, OP.

Is he just kind of lethargic, in general? Is it a lack of energy?

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry. Sorry for you and me. I don't have any advice, I just want to vent along with you.

We have SO much in common sexually with our SO's. My wife also had extremly low libido from the very start. It was work just to get her revved up for once per 2 wks. I also just got out of a relationship, one where sex was daily. She promised to work on it. It took me leaving the house after 27 years before she began giving me mercy sex 1x week.

No one can understand the pain that hasn't walked in our shoes. Dumb mistake. Sex seemed like the smaller issue at the beginning since she had every other quality for a good partner.

I waited til my last kid graduated HS. That very same week I began an Affair. It still doesn't seem worthwhile to divorce over 'only' sex with old age approaching. All I can say, I'm getting in all the sex with others while I can. The mental anguish of her rejecting me sexually has never gone away and I feel it never will ............ I honestly feel lost. Sex outside the marriage allows me sexual release, but doesn't lessen my emotional pain.

To all you people that haven't walked in our shoes, take your shit faced advice and shove it where the sun don't shine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do not know what to do. My husband would be very content with sex every 2, 3, maybe even 4 weeks. I would prefer to have sex maybe 4-5 times per week. I ENJOY sex. Not only do I struggle with the fact that our sex drives are so different, I struggle even more with the idea that he just doesn't want to have sex with me. How absolutely demeaning is it to fight with your spouse about having sex with you. It has destroyed any emotional component of it for me.

We should not have gotten married, it was so stupid. Now we are tied up financially and parentally with two small kids and the logistics of a divorce are so overwhelming to me.

The latest, he is telling me that I am the one with an abnormal sex drive and that I should see a doctor (in response to me kindly suggesting that he should see a doctor to have his testosterone tested).

I am attractive. I am not overweight. There is nothing wrong with my physical appearance at all whatsoever. Men hit on me constantly. I am a normal social person with friends, I am not a weirdo or anything. I also have a good job and a high income. I don't know why I am having to deal with this but it just sucks so much. Tonight I suggested an open marriage and that was unacceptable. What else can I do?

What you are describing is a "hot" period for us. My husband hasn't touched me in four months. I don't see him planning to anytime soon either. I refuse to initiate anything after having initiated so many times. I'm just done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do not know what to do. My husband would be very content with sex every 2, 3, maybe even 4 weeks. I would prefer to have sex maybe 4-5 times per week. I ENJOY sex. Not only do I struggle with the fact that our sex drives are so different, I struggle even more with the idea that he just doesn't want to have sex with me. How absolutely demeaning is it to fight with your spouse about having sex with you. It has destroyed any emotional component of it for me.

We should not have gotten married, it was so stupid. Now we are tied up financially and parentally with two small kids and the logistics of a divorce are so overwhelming to me.

The latest, he is telling me that I am the one with an abnormal sex drive and that I should see a doctor (in response to me kindly suggesting that he should see a doctor to have his testosterone tested).

I am attractive. I am not overweight. There is nothing wrong with my physical appearance at all whatsoever. Men hit on me constantly. I am a normal social person with friends, I am not a weirdo or anything. I also have a good job and a high income. I don't know why I am having to deal with this but it just sucks so much. Tonight I suggested an open marriage and that was unacceptable. What else can I do?

Why do you think this is a troll? This is totally my situation - except worse. We have not had sex in four months.

i call troll. this cannot be a true story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do not know what to do. My husband would be very content with sex every 2, 3, maybe even 4 weeks. I would prefer to have sex maybe 4-5 times per week. I ENJOY sex. Not only do I struggle with the fact that our sex drives are so different, I struggle even more with the idea that he just doesn't want to have sex with me. How absolutely demeaning is it to fight with your spouse about having sex with you. It has destroyed any emotional component of it for me.

We should not have gotten married, it was so stupid. Now we are tied up financially and parentally with two small kids and the logistics of a divorce are so overwhelming to me.

The latest, he is telling me that I am the one with an abnormal sex drive and that I should see a doctor (in response to me kindly suggesting that he should see a doctor to have his testosterone tested).

I am attractive. I am not overweight. There is nothing wrong with my physical appearance at all whatsoever. Men hit on me constantly. I am a normal social person with friends, I am not a weirdo or anything. I also have a good job and a high income. I don't know why I am having to deal with this but it just sucks so much. Tonight I suggested an open marriage and that was unacceptable. What else can I do?

Why do you think this is a troll? This is totally my situation - except worse. We have not had sex in four months.

i call troll. this cannot be a true story.

Why do you think this is a troll? We haven't had sex in four months. Same exact story. Is once in four weeks that bad? That's when we're "having a lot of sex". He's just not interested at all.

[Anonymous]

OP, tell him you'll talk to your doctor if he talks to his and gets his testosterone checked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You knew what you were getting into when you made vows. He didn't change who he was or pretend to be something that he wasn't. Focus on what you have instead of what you don't.

Last sentence is correct but first two are gross presumptions .

She said her husband was always low drive. She married him anyway.

[Anonymous]

OP, I feel for you. I am a man who was in your situation for years when the kids were young.

I cheated, of course. Most men who end up in this libido disparity cheat. It helped my marriage, I stayed married and sane. DW never found out. She regained some libido when kids hit school. We are getting better.

So the standard advice is just find a FWB. You will have no problem, there are 10 men looking to cheat for every woman willing. Only real issue for you, and most women, is sex and love are hard to separate. Women have exit affairs, men rarely leave their wives.

What do you have to lose in an affair? End up divorced? You are almost there already. Your husband is a selfish ass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do not know what to do. My husband would be very content with sex every 2, 3, maybe even 4 weeks. I would prefer to have sex maybe 4-5 times per week. I ENJOY sex. Not only do I struggle with the fact that our sex drives are so different, I struggle even more with the idea that he just doesn't want to have sex with me. How absolutely demeaning is it to fight with your spouse about having sex with you. It has destroyed any emotional component of it for me.

We should not have gotten married, it was so stupid. Now we are tied up financially and parentally with two small kids and the logistics of a divorce are so overwhelming to me.

The latest, he is telling me that I am the one with an abnormal sex drive and that I should see a doctor (in response to me kindly suggesting that he should see a doctor to have his testosterone tested).

I am attractive. I am not overweight. There is nothing wrong with my physical appearance at all whatsoever. Men hit on me constantly. I am a normal social person with friends, I am not a weirdo or anything. I also have a good job and a high income. I don't know why I am having to deal with this but it just sucks so much. Tonight I suggested an open marriage and that was unacceptable. What else can I do?

The only remarkable angle to your story is that you are the female. 80% of married men find themselves in this exact situation, actually our fate is much worse because:

1. you got married knowing his issues, versus all of our wives who had very frequent sex before marriage then pulled the "bait and switch"
2. a married woman has it 100 times easier finding an AP than a married man

My did you "suggest" an open marriage? He should not get to vote! You just "declare" open marriage, problem solved.
Now look around you: see all those married men? Most of them are undersexed and would be happy to connect with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You knew what you were getting into when you made vows. He didn't change who he was or pretend to be something that he wasn't. Focus on what you have instead of what you don't.

Last sentence is correct but first two are gross presumptions .

Not really. OP stated that he was always low drive. So, she knew he was low drive, he didn't change - and OP admits that knowing this, it was stupid that they got married, but that she was rebounding from a long term relationship, and her priority wasn't sex at the time, but stability. Now, her priorities have shifted again, and sex is more important. So - actually, it's OP's issue that she is in this mess. She changed, not him.

Nothing wrong with that. Priorities shift, people change. It is what it is. Divorce, or stay together for the convenience and the kids.

[Anonymous]

Perhaps you should do more chores and do the dishes more...that might help.

[Anonymous]

What is it with the men hit on me constantly crap? I am out and about and never see this supposed action. In fact many guys ignore? eomen just to not give them attention.

[Anonymous]

I wonder if OP really understood how low drive DH was when they married. This is why I think people who say it's best to be celibate until marriage are stupid. It's dumb to marry someone without having had a fairly long sexual relationship first. Many people are not sexually compatible. I broke up with two people over that issue.