At the end of my rope with low sex drive husband

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear OP, I speak as someone in a sexless marriage and not leaving it either. No, it is b.s. to say you will eventually cheat. What kind of crackpot therapist says that? Since I may be only one on here in a functional sexless marriage, feel free to ask questions. But generally speaking, it does sound like you are not helping your situation with your approach, but hurting it. Start focusing more on how it is all functional and tone down the accusations and uptightness and chronic disapproval and dissappointment (both turnoffs for men by the way). The fact that you look good is NOT a turn on. A turn on for him is not about pulling away or threatening to pull away, or threatening to mess things up with kids in the picture. You need to step back from the appearances and consider who are you coming across as. Enough said for now, good luck, here if you have a q.

Um, no offense but why should we want advice from someone IN a sexless marriage?

Because it was a marriage with sex, medical condition changed that (prostate cancer) and I adapted to low frequency, eventually no frequency. Because it is not a dealbreaker, especially with children in the home, and it does not require AP. It is not what I wanted in a sexlife, but believe it or not people, there are more important things. Like a living husband free from cancer who is a valuable critical member of this family and parent.

I find it difficult to believe that an ordinary person with a normal/healthy sex drive could adapt as you apparently have to life without sex. Or would be so accepting that even a serious medical condition like cancer precludes some meaningful effort to satisfy your partner's sexual desires. Without getting to graphic, there are lots of body parts that can be put to various use and still call it "sex".

You must be extraordinarily strong willed to make such tremendous sacrifice without getting a resentment. I could not do that, and I believe I'm in the majority who would expect some creative solution for one's normal biological sex drive, if nothing else, offering a hall pass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear OP, I speak as someone in a sexless marriage and not leaving it either. No, it is b.s. to say you will eventually cheat. What kind of crackpot therapist says that? Since I may be only one on here in a functional sexless marriage, feel free to ask questions. But generally speaking, it does sound like you are not helping your situation with your approach, but hurting it. Start focusing more on how it is all functional and tone down the accusations and uptightness and chronic disapproval and dissappointment (both turnoffs for men by the way). The fact that you look good is NOT a turn on. A turn on for him is not about pulling away or threatening to pull away, or threatening to mess things up with kids in the picture. You need to step back from the appearances and consider who are you coming across as. Enough said for now, good luck, here if you have a q.

Um, no offense but why should we want advice from someone IN a sexless marriage?

Because it was a marriage with sex, medical condition changed that (prostate cancer) and I adapted to low frequency, eventually no frequency. Because it is not a dealbreaker, especially with children in the home, and it does not require AP. It is not what I wanted in a sexlife, but believe it or not people, there are more important things. Like a living husband free from cancer who is a valuable critical member of this family and parent.

I find it difficult to believe that an ordinary person with a normal/healthy sex drive could adapt as you apparently have to life without sex. Or would be so accepting that even a serious medical condition like cancer precludes some meaningful effort to satisfy your partner's sexual desires. Without getting to graphic, there are lots of body parts that can be put to various use and still call it "sex".

You must be extraordinarily strong willed to make such tremendous sacrifice without getting a resentment. I could not do that, and I believe I'm in the majority who would expect some creative solution for one's normal biological sex drive, if nothing else, offering a hall pass.

Well, I guess it is a sacrifice I made/make. I vowed "for better or worse" without an exception for inconvenience. But like I say, in perspective, a living husband is a blessing compared to the alternative.

[Anonymous]

Who's gonna low drive you home....

[Anonymous]

Well, I guess it is a sacrifice I made/make. I vowed "for better or worse" without an exception for inconvenience. But like I say, in perspective, a living husband is a blessing compared to the alternative.

Okay, but for someone whose husband did not face medical difficulties, the whole scenario is different. OP didnt title the post " cancer treatment has killed my sex life", right? I am also in a similar position, as my husband is only interested once a month and has horrible hygiene habits...so we will start to make love, and I realize he hasnt brushed his teeth in three days, or showered in several days, and it is downright traumatic bc I am so depserately in need at that point.....and then midway, about 5 minutes in, just as I am shedding some of the issies related to hygeine, he will lose his erection and i just curl up in a ball. Ive asked him to be more clean, to try other creative endings but at that point he feels pretty bad and all action stops.
I am more of a 2-3x a week girl, which is lower than when I was younger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Well, I guess it is a sacrifice I made/make. I vowed "for better or worse" without an exception for inconvenience. But like I say, in perspective, a living husband is a blessing compared to the alternative.

Okay, but for someone whose husband did not face medical difficulties, the whole scenario is different. OP didnt title the post " cancer treatment has killed my sex life", right? I am also in a similar position, as my husband is only interested once a month and has horrible hygiene habits...so we will start to make love, and I realize he hasnt brushed his teeth in three days, or showered in several days, and it is downright traumatic bc I am so depserately in need at that point.....and then midway, about 5 minutes in, just as I am shedding some of the issies related to hygeine, he will lose his erection and i just curl up in a ball. Ive asked him to be more clean, to try other creative endings but at that point he feels pretty bad and all action stops.
I am more of a 2-3x a week girl, which is lower than when I was younger.

OMG PP that sounds disgusting and awful! How are you not going up the walls?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Well, I guess it is a sacrifice I made/make. I vowed "for better or worse" without an exception for inconvenience. But like I say, in perspective, a living husband is a blessing compared to the alternative.

Okay, but for someone whose husband did not face medical difficulties, the whole scenario is different. OP didnt title the post " cancer treatment has killed my sex life", right? I am also in a similar position, as my husband is only interested once a month and has horrible hygiene habits...so we will start to make love, and I realize he hasnt brushed his teeth in three days, or showered in several days, and it is downright traumatic bc I am so depserately in need at that point.....and then midway, about 5 minutes in, just as I am shedding some of the issies related to hygeine, he will lose his erection and i just curl up in a ball. Ive asked him to be more clean, to try other creative endings but at that point he feels pretty bad and all action stops.
I am more of a 2-3x a week girl, which is lower than when I was younger.

PP here. Sorry to hear that, I hope you find a resolution.