Is DH trying to keep me down, or is he being reasonable?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is his career?

medicine

Research side or patient side?

patient

Ok, I think he'll feel better after 3-5 years of paying off all that debt. Plus if you have another child your general level of busy-ness could really spike.

Meanwhile, lots of cheap options to learn basic finance, accounting, operations via online education (even Stanford gsb or Wharton) or county colleges. And enjoy being a mom and holding down the fort during med school and residency! Check out the SBDC or local MBA programs (Gtown, GW) for students who might consult for free for a class or club. Plus you might meet some moms who used to do high finance who could help you.

Fwiw most of us felt law school should have been two years not three. And who knows my PhDs in America take over five years!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Entrepreneur here. You can probably skip the school and partner or outsource the bits you don't know... or get a mentor. You don't need an MBA to start a business.

What type of business anyway? I may be able to advise what you'd need to know.

I'm not looking to get an mba at this point. But I'd like to take some business courses - economics, finance, management, accounting. I don't even know specifically what type of business yet - this is more of a 5 year plan. It will most likely be in the creative sector, since that's where my background and skills lie.

That's education for education's sake in some ways. If you're 30 or older, that may not be the be a wise investment.

There are courses you can take specfically for creative businesses. You probably don't need to study finance nor economics -- those are more for big businesses and not small ventures. Same goes for management to some extent.

Most stuff in the creative sector is hourly or project work, and the business setup for those is fairly simple. It's just a markup on labor costs. Not really any financing of equipment; factoring of receivables, etc. You can also do cash-basis accounting it's so simple.

[Anonymous]

What's up with this misogynistic stuff? It's one thing to push your daughter to play sports or like science over dressing in pink all the time, but does it go beyond that with you or your daughter(s)? And is he aware of that tone from his family of origin?

Separately, if you find you miss working in some capacity, go back to work and get a nanny or au pair! Everyone will be fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Entrepreneur here. You can probably skip the school and partner or outsource the bits you don't know... or get a mentor. You don't need an MBA to start a business.

What type of business anyway? I may be able to advise what you'd need to know.

I'm not looking to get an mba at this point. But I'd like to take some business courses - economics, finance, management, accounting. I don't even know specifically what type of business yet - this is more of a 5 year plan. It will most likely be in the creative sector, since that's where my background and skills lie.

That's education for education's sake in some ways. If you're 30 or older, that may not be the be a wise investment.

There are courses you can take specfically for creative businesses. You probably don't need to study finance nor economics -- those are more for big businesses and not small ventures. Same goes for management to some extent.

Most stuff in the creative sector is hourly or project work, and the business setup for those is fairly simple. It's just a markup on labor costs. Not really any financing of equipment; factoring of receivables, etc. You can also do cash-basis accounting it's so simple.

I want to own a larger business that is potentially scalable, and I did say most likely in creative, but not necessarily - could be a product or scalable service. I've already run a creative business with project work for over a decade (no employees, just contractors) - and I really don't want to do that anymore, I want to do something different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's up with this misogynistic stuff? It's one thing to push your daughter to play sports or like science over dressing in pink all the time, but does it go beyond that with you or your daughter(s)? And is he aware of that tone from his family of origin?

Separately, if you find you miss working in some capacity, go back to work and get a nanny or au pair! Everyone will be fine.

Yes, we've discussed/argued about this very topic. He thinks I'm exposing our girl to harmful female stereotypes. I think he's sending the message that girlish things are stupid and lesser. And yes he's aware of the misogyny from his parents.

I actually don't miss working at all, not the type of work I used to do. I want to enjoy this time together with my kids while they are little. I do want to go back to work in some capacity when the youngest starts school. And at that point I will be ready for the social interaction, intellectual challenge, variety of experience, and most of all - being able to make some money again - I think that would help my confidence and help the balance of our marriage. I really don't like feeling so financially dependent on DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's up with this misogynistic stuff? It's one thing to push your daughter to play sports or like science over dressing in pink all the time, but does it go beyond that with you or your daughter(s)? And is he aware of that tone from his family of origin?

Separately, if you find you miss working in some capacity, go back to work and get a nanny or au pair! Everyone will be fine.

Yes, we've discussed/argued about this very topic. He thinks I'm exposing our girl to harmful female stereotypes. I think he's sending the message that girlish things are stupid and lesser. And yes he's aware of the misogyny from his parents.

I actually don't miss working at all, not the type of work I used to do. I want to enjoy this time together with my kids while they are little. I do want to go back to work in some capacity when the youngest starts school. And at that point I will be ready for the social interaction, intellectual challenge, variety of experience, and most of all - being able to make some money again - I think that would help my confidence and help the balance of our marriage. I really don't like feeling so financially dependent on DH.

You sound all over the place. I also wouldn't support my spouse spending money to go and get a degree if he didn't even like working. Education is too expensive these days, especially a higher degree, if it isn't truly necessary. Sounds like he's simply trying to learn from his own mistakes.

[Anonymous]

Ever heard of an educated fool? He sounds like one.

[Anonymous]

It doesn't sound like he's trying to keep you down.

It sounds like he has lots of specific ideas about how things should be. My main concern is that, on paper, he sounds somewhat controlling.

or he could just be one of these pompous types who overintellectualizes everything.

Hard to tell without knowing him

[Anonymous]

You've framed this as your husband being against more education for you, but it sounds like that's not really the whole story. You say you want to start a business, but what business? Do you have children? Who runs the home?

Your husband is a doctor? Are you a homemaker? What, exactly, is the plan that you are proposing? Going back to school for what degree at what school??

Details?

[Anonymous]

Are you thinking of just taking some classes, or are you looking to get a degree? A degree would presumably require a significant commitment of time and money, and I could see where that could concern him, especially if you guys are still paying off his student debt. If you want to take a handful of classes to gain specific knowledge in business, that should be fairly low impact and his concerns could be overblown.

[Anonymous]

He sounds super controlling. Is he a Surgeon?

I think you should take some classes if you want to! Education for Education's sake is always worth it.

[Anonymous]

I think that it's smart to.take some business classes if you want to start a business, and there are plenty of online cheaper or even free (Coursera) classes if what you want is the info you need, and not a degree to get someone else to hire you. Your local community college or university extension program may have courses, too.

Frankly, I can't believe all of these responses saying that you should do this in the way least upsetting/annoying to your husband. Don't spend money you don't have and don't need to spend, but I notice that despite feeling he was wasting money on a career he dislikes, your husband still spent 15 years of both of your lives on it. And you supported him financially and domestically to let him do it.

You've run a business before; you know what knowledge you lack. Start taking courses one at a time now, and tell DH this is your new hobby of it will shut him up. It sounds to me like DH wants a SAH spouse and no domestic responsibilities of his own. If he prevents you from even trying this, then there's no possible way he'll have any.

My DH is a doctor, too. He has always been encouraging of whatever I wanted to do career-wise, but I've also never felt that was his decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's his line of work? Especially one that took 17 yrs of schooling.

Is he embarassed to admit that nearly 2 decades of schooling doesn't really payoff (debt, loans, could've chosen did career path, etc) and doesn't want you to fall in the same trap?

Actually, he did say all his schooling has turned him against education. He thinks most of it unnecessary. And yeah, lots of debt. And he never liked his career, but thinks he likes it as much as he could any career. He took the long windy route in his career path.

I agree with your DH. How much money did he lose by not working at 21 or 23? How much debt does he have? Econ, accounting, or other classes aren't going to help you with a business. If you want to start a business, work at one that you'd like to start. Get real life experience.

[Anonymous]

Do you have a community college where you live? I'm taking classes and they are really not expensive and yet the professors are quite good. Maybe that is one way to go. Or an online course?

[Anonymous]

Maybe he is just expressing his opinion?