Ever know the "perfect couple" who wound up divorcing?

[Anonymous]

No. But I do know a "perfect couple" where the husband committed suicide. And they weren't a FB perfect couple. IRL they seemed like a perfect match and so in love. Husband was battling an alcohol addiction and depression that he hid amazingly well.

It really shook all of us. And our one friend who was a commitment phobe was about to get married and he was pretty shattered that if a couple like them had ended up like that, what chance did he have?

[Anonymous]

Yes, again it was the most social partying couple in my family. They seemed perfect for each other on the outside, but apparently there were really problems caused by irresponsibility and alcohol consumption.

[Anonymous]

Brother in law. Pillars of the church and community. Perfect kids. He called at 11 p.m. one night to tell us they were divorcing and it would be in the paper the next day. She was having an affair with the church organist (really!), whom she married. He has never remarried and now that her second husband is dead and they have grandkids they are spending lots of time together again. I would not be at all surprised if they remarried.

[Anonymous]

Yes. Our old neighbors. Wife was having long term affair with a family friend (a woman). Also hosted lots iof dinners, etc. she spent lots of time on Facebook posting happy, perfect life pictures and date night updates. Until he found out & it exploded. Facebook is such a mirage.

[Anonymous]

When I got divorced, all but my closest friends were shocked. We always had a perfect marriage on paper - never fought, lovely child, lovely home, did stuff together, etc.

What you wouldn't have seen was that he was the worst husband. When it was just us, he barely spoke to me, barely interacted with DD, did nothing around the house. It was just work all the time but because it was "cool" work that was fairly social, he didn't present like a workaholic unless you were married to him.

I asked him to go to counseling and he refused. Said I should go on my own and figure out how to be happy with what I had. I told him I wanted to separate if he wouldn't work on our issues with me. He said that was fine, since he didn't have issues and didn't want to deal with mine.

I only ever told a handful of people about that and was pretty sad when it turned out that most of our friends thought our life was perfect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In our neighborhood, it turned out that the husband of the perfect couple was gay.

This happened in my neighborhood when I was a kid. The most charming, social couple broke up when the husband came out.

I knew if I married my boyfriend of 4 years that this would have been the story. I am always a part of the "perfect couple," which is a load of crap. Everyone is going to have their BS.

The man I went on to marry had already been divorced 2 times (I knew that was a red flag when I met him, but when the heart starts doing weird things, you just go with it). We were still the "perfect couple" for a short time. We are going to get divorced because there are a lot of things people do while dating, before they really merge their lives, that change. The other shoe drops. It's always going to drop. Don't want for it to drop, try to find out what it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I got divorced, all but my closest friends were shocked. We always had a perfect marriage on paper - never fought, lovely child, lovely home, did stuff together, etc.

What you wouldn't have seen was that he was the worst husband. When it was just us, he barely spoke to me, barely interacted with DD, did nothing around the house. It was just work all the time but because it was "cool" work that was fairly social, he didn't present like a workaholic unless you were married to him.

I asked him to go to counseling and he refused. Said I should go on my own and figure out how to be happy with what I had. I told him I wanted to separate if he wouldn't work on our issues with me. He said that was fine, since he didn't have issues and didn't want to deal with mine.

I only ever told a handful of people about that and was pretty sad when it turned out that most of our friends thought our life was perfect.

THIS. It wasn't a workaholic thing for me, but a lazy husband thing. He only ever activates under various circumstances. When our extended family is around, he is super on-the-job. When I have a night out with the girls, he makes sure to be very present, very attentive, and tell me about all the wrong parenting decisions I've made.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In our neighborhood, it turned out that the husband of the perfect couple was gay.

This happened in my neighborhood when I was a kid. The most charming, social couple broke up when the husband came out.

I knew if I married my boyfriend of 4 years that this would have been the story. I am always a part of the "perfect couple," which is a load of crap. Everyone is going to have their BS.

The man I went on to marry had already been divorced 2 times (I knew that was a red flag when I met him, but when the heart starts doing weird things, you just go with it). We were still the "perfect couple" for a short time. We are going to get divorced because there are a lot of things people do while dating, before they really merge their lives, that change. The other shoe drops. It's always going to drop. Don't want for it to drop, try to find out what it is.

Mama told me, you don't know someone till you live with them. Mama was right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A couple we knew from high school. Religion brought them together. Strong faith. Bought a house with wedding money, proceeded to have kids, 4. They didn't own a tv because they felt it took away from family time. Vacations were for the kids. Big on community service.

She got a computer and did many area church payrolls. He would get on the computer at night after everyone went to bed and started an internet romance with a woman he chatted with.

28 tears together, he decided he was in love with someone he never met face to face.

She left him, he married his internet love.

Shocking. I said at the time if it could happen to them it could happen to anyone. But found out he was a straight up pig, never helped around the house and she tired of raising him too.

Outside looking in, you would never have known.

Yup. Man boy. I know one of these. Everyone wanted to blame the wife (who no one really knew). Nicest guy to everyone, except his wife (and same now, with his new wife - nice until he isn't). You really don't know someone until you live with them, OP. Nothing is really that shocking, is it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In our neighborhood, it turned out that the husband of the perfect couple was gay.

This happened in my neighborhood when I was a kid. The most charming, social couple broke up when the husband came out.

I knew if I married my boyfriend of 4 years that this would have been the story. I am always a part of the "perfect couple," which is a load of crap. Everyone is going to have their BS.

The man I went on to marry had already been divorced 2 times (I knew that was a red flag when I met him, but when the heart starts doing weird things, you just go with it). We were still the "perfect couple" for a short time. We are going to get divorced because there are a lot of things people do while dating, before they really merge their lives, that change. The other shoe drops. It's always going to drop. Don't want for it to drop, try to find out what it is.

Mama told me, you don't know someone till you live with them. Mama was right.

+1

Agree. 1000% agree. Someone may look perfect, or you may say what is s/he doing with him/her? IRL, you don't know anything about how they really are. At all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I got divorced, all but my closest friends were shocked. We always had a perfect marriage on paper - never fought, lovely child, lovely home, did stuff together, etc.

What you wouldn't have seen was that he was the worst husband. When it was just us, he barely spoke to me, barely interacted with DD, did nothing around the house. It was just work all the time but because it was "cool" work that was fairly social, he didn't present like a workaholic unless you were married to him.

I asked him to go to counseling and he refused. Said I should go on my own and figure out how to be happy with what I had. I told him I wanted to separate if he wouldn't work on our issues with me. He said that was fine, since he didn't have issues and didn't want to deal with mine.

I only ever told a handful of people about that and was pretty sad when it turned out that most of our friends thought our life was perfect.

THIS. It wasn't a workaholic thing for me, but a lazy husband thing. He only ever activates under various circumstances. When our extended family is around, he is super on-the-job. When I have a night out with the girls, he makes sure to be very present, very attentive, and tell me about all the wrong parenting decisions I've made.

+1

Most friends think he is perfect. Until he shows his true colors. If you think he might be skeevy, he is. Worse than you suspect. If you want to blame her, you have no information, at all. Women are quick to try to blame each other, aren't they. But if they only knew.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In our neighborhood, it turned out that the husband of the perfect couple was gay.

This happened in my neighborhood when I was a kid. The most charming, social couple broke up when the husband came out.

I knew if I married my boyfriend of 4 years that this would have been the story. I am always a part of the "perfect couple," which is a load of crap. Everyone is going to have their BS.

The man I went on to marry had already been divorced 2 times (I knew that was a red flag when I met him, but when the heart starts doing weird things, you just go with it). We were still the "perfect couple" for a short time. We are going to get divorced because there are a lot of things people do while dating, before they really merge their lives, that change. The other shoe drops. It's always going to drop. Don't want for it to drop, try to find out what it is.

+1

Yup. And meet the family. Always meet the family. If they don't have many happy memories to share (other than repetitive bullying and their version of events); and/or if they are one way (want to know about you, without having much to reveal about themselves) - run. Just run.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In our neighborhood they were the ones who always went out and did stuff. Very active. Apple picking, wine tasting. Now she does all those things with someone else. I was always jealous because they were so active.

YES!

I have also noticed the strong social network / weak relationship phenomenon, too. I have wondered whether this seems to happen often because these couples are simply more visible, or if there is something more at play. I think there is something more at play.

Our very best couple friends broke up after less than three years of marriage and the divorce was WWIII (despite there being no kids, crazy). They were always the ones hosting the 4th of July, Friendsgiving, St. Patrick's Day, and so on. Their parties were a blast and they were the most gracious hosts. We loved each of them, but grew to see how bad they were together as we grew closer to the situation. After awhile it became clear that having tons of other people around was just their mechanism for coping with the fact that they had little in common. The most solid couples I know really enjoy each other, and they don't necessarily need a gaggle of friends at their house every weekend, nor do they need to be doing a structured activity every five minutes. Nor do they need cutesy, structured trips to wineries and apple orchards...although such trips sure do make for great Facebook posts, which oddly, reinforces everyone's view of them as a solid, happy couple.

+1

Keeping up appearances. Very different than behind closed doors!

[Anonymous]

Yup, my spouse looks good to the outside. He is a workaholic who never spends time with our kids. He prefers his office, working out and avoiding us.

The kids notice. My older son said that dad is only interested in making money.

[Anonymous]

Coworker turned close friends with a couple. They were very over the top on social media and in person about their fancy dinners, accomplishments, and vacations. A bit after their lavish 100k+ wedding, she started a new job and had an affair with someone she was working with who was a lot older, richer, and married with children. They're now separated and two families are now broken up.