Ever know the "perfect couple" who wound up divorcing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Coworker turned close friends with a couple. They were very over the top on social media and in person about their fancy dinners, accomplishments, and vacations. A bit after their lavish 100k+ wedding, she started a new job and had an affair with someone she was working with who was a lot older, richer, and married with children. They're now separated and two families are now broken up.

A shame, especially for the children. Plus, if the second spouse is worse, they can't break up - since they have already destroyed two families. It's awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. But I do know a "perfect couple" where the husband committed suicide. And they weren't a FB perfect couple. IRL they seemed like a perfect match and so in love. Husband was battling an alcohol addiction and depression that he hid amazingly well.

It really shook all of us. And our one friend who was a commitment phobe was about to get married and he was pretty shattered that if a couple like them had ended up like that, what chance did he have?

I wonder if we know the same people - terribly sad either way. Depression is so awful - he was such a sweet and loving person.

[Anonymous]

(Raising my hand). I was half of a "perfect couple". We have a big social circle and enjoyed spending time together. We also both neglected the marriage and took each other for granted. He was a man child in that he never helped around the house and sex became a low priority for me because I was so tired with kids, a full time job and chores. It finally blew up and we are separated and marching steadily toward divorce. Shocked everyone.

[Anonymous]

My friends met freshman year at an Ivy. Got married right out of college and had their first child really young. Both became extremely successful in business and law, had two more gorgeous children, big house, the most amazing hospitality. Great friends, too. She was the first one to bring me helpful items when I was pregnant. We vacationed with them a couple of times on the Outer Banks and they were really easy to share a house with.

Then our lives got busy, I stopped working at the same firm as him, /'s we fell out of touch. Fast forward a few years and I see him at my metro station in DC. Their big house was way out in MD. They were separated. He lived in an apartment. According to him, they never got to become their own people because they married so young and for him, the "perfect" life was really stressful. He didn't want to have to constantly social climb, did want to find his own way. She felt like she wanted to do way more with her career and blamed her several year stint staying at home on him-- even though he didn't ask her to do it.

All in all with them it seemed they couldn't make a decision for a lifetime at the age of 22, with the first person they dated.

[Anonymous]

Yes. A good friend of mine, but she's still married. However if you are at all close to them, you see the cracks. Also thry are very social, but we can't go out with them much because of their drama.

I feel bad because we have a fairly large social group and now we sneak around behind their backs. We go out and don't take any pictures and dont post to any social media, so they wont know they were excluded.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. A good friend of mine, but she's still married. However if you are at all close to them, you see the cracks. Also thry are very social, but we can't go out with them much because of their drama.

I feel bad because we have a fairly large social group and now we sneak around behind their backs. We go out and don't take any pictures and dont post to any social media, so they wont know they were excluded.

This is just rude. Why don't you try having a conversation with your "good friend" about how their "drama" is off-putting and should be kept at home? Instead of that passive-aggressive BS.

[Anonymous]

I know many. Every single one... one of the spouses has mental health issues.

3 have PTSD
One had a child die
One the husband has severe OCD
One the wife has bipolar disorder, she made me look in her house for bugs because she thought she was being spied on.
One has schizophrenia
I could go on.

[Anonymous]

For everyone saying they have noticed a pattern of the divorcing couples to be the ones who were so active and social, it's because they never wanted to be at home alone with just each other. Being social and active is a way of avoiding being in their own house alone with one another. I know because in the low/tough points of my marriage I have noticed that I will become more social like this- almost like I need to constantly surround us with others and stay busy doing stuff because it's distracts me from whatever we have going on. When we are in our regular normal pattern and are happy and connected, I'm happier to just hang out as a family and do stuff with just us because I don't need the distraction/avoidance.

[Anonymous]

A "power couple". Both with successful business careers, both very engaging and fun. Decided to have a kid: had twins, one with SN. Even with paid help, wife felt she had to take a step back from her career to take care of kids. Husband did not cut back on work at all. She was incredibly resentful--it was obvious to everyone. After a few years she took an overseas job and left the kids with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. A good friend of mine, but she's still married. However if you are at all close to them, you see the cracks. Also thry are very social, but we can't go out with them much because of their drama.

I feel bad because we have a fairly large social group and now we sneak around behind their backs. We go out and don't take any pictures and dont post to any social media, so they wont know they were excluded.

This is just rude. Why don't you try having a conversation with your "good friend" about how their "drama" is off-putting and should be kept at home? Instead of that passive-aggressive BS.

It has been said by multiple people and a few feiends have directly cut them off with very bold and hurtful direct statements. They can't help themselves. Plus there's no need anyways to post our social lives on social media.

Im fine hanging out with her, but when both are involved, nope nope nope.

Thisnis not passive agressive. This is a social circle that would rather be able to go out snd have some fun without one of the couples getting into a blow out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My friends met freshman year at an Ivy. Got married right out of college and had their first child really young. Both became extremely successful in business and law, had two more gorgeous children, big house, the most amazing hospitality. Great friends, too. She was the first one to bring me helpful items when I was pregnant. We vacationed with them a couple of times on the Outer Banks and they were really easy to share a house with.

Then our lives got busy, I stopped working at the same firm as him, /'s we fell out of touch. Fast forward a few years and I see him at my metro station in DC. Their big house was way out in MD. They were separated. He lived in an apartment. According to him, they never got to become their own people because they married so young and for him, the "perfect" life was really stressful. He didn't want to have to constantly social climb, did want to find his own way. She felt like she wanted to do way more with her career and blamed her several year stint staying at home on him-- even though he didn't ask her to do it.

All in all with them it seemed they couldn't make a decision for a lifetime at the age of 22, with the first person they dated.

I think the bolded applies to me although I am not sure people thought I was in a perfect marriage. Met my husband at age 18, together 22 years, 16 of them married, now getting divorced. I have almost zero dating experience and don't know how to conduct myself to gain some experience without being awkward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For everyone saying they have noticed a pattern of the divorcing couples to be the ones who were so active and social, it's because they never wanted to be at home alone with just each other. Being social and active is a way of avoiding being in their own house alone with one another. I know because in the low/tough points of my marriage I have noticed that I will become more social like this- almost like I need to constantly surround us with others and stay busy doing stuff because it's distracts me from whatever we have going on. When we are in our regular normal pattern and are happy and connected, I'm happier to just hang out as a family and do stuff with just us because I don't need the distraction/avoidance.

Good point pp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For everyone saying they have noticed a pattern of the divorcing couples to be the ones who were so active and social, it's because they never wanted to be at home alone with just each other. Being social and active is a way of avoiding being in their own house alone with one another. I know because in the low/tough points of my marriage I have noticed that I will become more social like this- almost like I need to constantly surround us with others and stay busy doing stuff because it's distracts me from whatever we have going on. When we are in our regular normal pattern and are happy and connected, I'm happier to just hang out as a family and do stuff with just us because I don't need the distraction/avoidance.

Good point pp.

+1 I totally agree ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My friends met freshman year at an Ivy. Got married right out of college and had their first child really young. Both became extremely successful in business and law, had two more gorgeous children, big house, the most amazing hospitality. Great friends, too. She was the first one to bring me helpful items when I was pregnant. We vacationed with them a couple of times on the Outer Banks and they were really easy to share a house with.

Then our lives got busy, I stopped working at the same firm as him, /'s we fell out of touch. Fast forward a few years and I see him at my metro station in DC. Their big house was way out in MD. They were separated. He lived in an apartment. According to him, they never got to become their own people because they married so young and for him, the "perfect" life was really stressful. He didn't want to have to constantly social climb, did want to find his own way. She felt like she wanted to do way more with her career and blamed her several year stint staying at home on him-- even though he didn't ask her to do it.

All in all with them it seemed they couldn't make a decision for a lifetime at the age of 22, with the first person they dated.

I think the bolded applies to me although I am not sure people thought I was in a perfect marriage. Met my husband at age 18, together 22 years, 16 of them married, now getting divorced. I have almost zero dating experience and don't know how to conduct myself to gain some experience without being awkward.

PP -- I was you, and I'm now 4 years post-divorce (44 years old, two children now 14). About dating, I hear you - it is daunting.

My experience, in case it is helpful: Once I felt ready to dip my toes in the water, I signed up for an online dating site and went about it with a "this is just practice" attitude. Went on a lot of dates with a nothing ventured / nothing gained mindset - none terrible, most really good. I met a lot of interesting men. It was a shockingly good experience, and it really didn't take long to get comfortable and better at weeding out men with whom I wasn't likely to click / seeking out compatible men.

I've been with a fantastic guy for about a year and a half. I'm very, very happy.

Anyway, bottom line is that I had to just get over the fact that my dating experience was nil.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Yes. Met at age 18 at flagship state u, quickly became each other's first BF/GF. Engaged after junior yr, married a month after graduation. The wife worked for about 6 months and quickly became a stay home wife in preparation for babies. Had 3 girls. Seemed to have the perfect life - hosting friends thanksgivings; big homemade birthday parties; constant crafting and apple picking and holiday decorating. And then out of nowhere at age 34, 12 yrs into the marriage it was over. Still don't quite know why though only about 18 months later DH seems to have a steady girlfriend that he's always traveling with. The wife has the kids full time though when ex DH posts yet another vacation pic, she's quick to post a pic of a date she went on though doesn't appear to have a steady BF yet.