Ever know the "perfect couple" who wound up divorcing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Marriage is a lot of work. Perfect and not-perfect couples both have to work hard to adjust to each other.

I do not think the "perfect couple" are trying to pull the wool over anyone's eyes. They do not know that the rest of the world thinks they are perfect because they have the looks and the money. They are in the same boat as the "not perfect couple" who end up divorcing. It is us who look at them and think that they are "perfect" because they have the things we do not - good looks, education, money, kids, house, vacations etc.

Very true

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes a friend of my DH had the "perfect" wife...she was sweet and skinny. Then she started having multiple affairs. He tried hard to make it work but in the end she wanted out. Super sad esp for kids.

"Sweet and skinny." Wonderful criteria for judging someone's value as a partner or person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is interesting to me because the first and only (to date) divorce in my social circle happened to the most picture-perfect couple. They are both fantastic looking, great jobs, athletic, lots of cash, churchgoing, you name it. They also each have the least messy, or depending on how you look at it, adventurous pasts - zero experimentation with drugs, no sleeping around or heavy drinking in college. Marriage failed when the husband decided that his highly paid STEM career wasn't "perfect" enough for him and was going to med school, and nothing less than an Ivy would do. Oh, and kids were off the table until he finished residency, which put wife in her late 30s at the earliest. The wife was unwilling to sacrifice finances and her own career to move out of state AND forego TTC. Wife is remarried with kids; I'm no longer in touch with husband but I heard he did go to Harvard med. I also have heard over the years that husband plays the victim, big time. Can't believe wife left him heartbroken, totally blindsided, etc.

He had a dream and he went for it. Sounds like it worked out fairly well for him. If kids were her dream, then they both should be happy.

He sounds like a self-centered jerk. Just because he ended up at Harvard Med doesn't mean it worked out well for him since he keeps bitching about it. Sounds like ex-wife and kids have a better life because of her actions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I'm in the midst of divorcing as well. Several people have expressed shock, saying how we were the perfect couple. I never saw us that way. Yes, we had a strong relationship but I suffered from severe PPD after we had kids, and husband was incapable of understanding or supporting me. Got on Zoloft, which helped, but tanked my libido. So he started fucking his married secretary.



This is sad and must have hurt. But you should know if you gave this time and space you could get over this and potentially save your marriage. People make mistakes.

Oh, I was willing to try. One year of marriage counseling where he gave 0 effort. He lied about his affair the entire year, and only revealed the extent of it after he signed a lease and scheduled movers. The mistake was forgivable, but not the year of lies.

I'm sorry, OP. I wish his parents would have done a better job of raising him and teaching emotional responsibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes a friend of my DH had the "perfect" wife...she was sweet and skinny. Then she started having multiple affairs. He tried hard to make it work but in the end she wanted out. Super sad esp for kids.

"Sweet and skinny." Wonderful criteria for judging someone's value as a partner or person.

I am not saying she was perfect...she seemed "perfect" on the outside. Most people we knew just loved her and fawned over her. They had the "perfect" wedding then the "perfect" suburban house with the kids and the Golden Retriever etc.

Clearly on the inside she was (and probably still is) really messed up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes a friend of my DH had the "perfect" wife...she was sweet and skinny. Then she started having multiple affairs. He tried hard to make it work but in the end she wanted out. Super sad esp for kids.

"Sweet and skinny." Wonderful criteria for judging someone's value as a partner or person.

I am not saying she was perfect...she seemed "perfect" on the outside. Most people we knew just loved her and fawned over her. They had the "perfect" wedding then the "perfect" suburban house with the kids and the Golden Retriever etc.

Clearly on the inside she was (and probably still is) really messed up.

It's all surface. I had a former colleague who killed himself and he had the perfect family, background, education, looks, girls from wealthy families interested, etc. Looking back, think he just wanted a middle class lifestyle without having to live up to an ideal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A very wealthy couple I know are in the midst of a bitter divorce. They've been married more than 20 years in what I'd always assumed was the perfect marriage. They have three great kids, two beautiful homes, a great rapport, a perfectly lovely life. I found out recently that the mom is a closet alcoholic, which caused a rift in the marriage none of her closest friends knew about. They'd been in counseling, but could not work things out. The husband had become more and more detached (in private, not in public) and the marriage failed. That's the story that came out once the divorce became public.
It was shocking to me because I know the wife very well. She has been living a lie, and not telling anyone, except, I'm guessing, her therapist. When the marriage failed, the truth finally came out. Also, they have huge money problems, which they also kept hidden. Their houses have to be sold, along with their cars and other possessions. It's absolutely astonishing to me what people hide and what a good facade they are able to maintain. Until they can't.

I doubt it was as dramatic as you describe.

The whole living a lie and creating a facade is very dramatic.

Some people just keep things to themselves.

Agreed. Not like they were the Sopranos.

[Anonymous]

We were one of those perfect couples. Behind closed doors, though, I was miserable. He was cheating with hookers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yup, my spouse looks good to the outside. He is a workaholic who never spends time with our kids. He prefers his office, working out and avoiding us.

The kids notice. My older son said that dad is only interested in making money.

Profession?

[Anonymous]

I am the OP of the "when your marriage is just dead" thread. We may very well be one of these perfect couples who will end up divorcing.

DH and I were a golden couple when we were dating in grad school. We both had successful careers and people often called us the power couple. Both of us were achievers and succeeded at everything we did. We had and still have tons of friends from every part of our lives. DH is good looking, still very fit and earns a seven figure income. We decided that it would be best for our family if I stayed home when our second was born. Our children are well behaved, excel at school and very athletic. Our home is lovely. We go on tons of family vacations. We host many parties. I'm very active at the school and in the community. Every year I send out a holiday card with a photo of our perfect looking family. Behind closed doors, we have a failing marriage where my resentment towards DH grows everyday. Yes, he is handsome and successful but I can't stand him most of the time. For now, we stay married for the kids but I really don't know how long it will last.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the OP of the "when your marriage is just dead" thread. We may very well be one of these perfect couples who will end up divorcing.

DH and I were a golden couple when we were dating in grad school. We both had successful careers and people often called us the power couple. Both of us were achievers and succeeded at everything we did. We had and still have tons of friends from every part of our lives. DH is good looking, still very fit and earns a seven figure income. We decided that it would be best for our family if I stayed home when our second was born. Our children are well behaved, excel at school and very athletic. Our home is lovely. We go on tons of family vacations. We host many parties. I'm very active at the school and in the community. Every year I send out a holiday card with a photo of our perfect looking family. Behind closed doors, we have a failing marriage where my resentment towards DH grows everyday. Yes, he is handsome and successful but I can't stand him most of the time. For now, we stay married for the kids but I really don't know how long it will last.

As stated in your own thread, the very first next step for you is to get your own life back. Apparently being active in the community isn't enough for you. Whatever you think you would do with your life if you were to get divorced (except dating others), you need to go do that now. Only after you've done that can you realistically evaluate your marriage.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I don't look at one single married couple I know and ever think "they're a perfect couple". And I say that as someone who has been called that throughout my marriage. There is no perfect couple. We all have flaws. We all are human. Marriage is hard work and none of us should take that for granted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My SIL.

Married nearly 30 years to her high school flame. They owned their own business. His mother lived with them and babysat anytime they wanted to go out or go on a mini vacation without the kids. Spent money faster than they made it but there was money flowing. New vehicles, boats, campers. Did a little world traveling, vacations for the kids twice a year.

Next thing you know she's living on her own. She said no man will ever call her stupid or tell her what she can or can't do. She's very bossy and loud. I doubt her husband ever told her what she claims. SHE ran the show.

Now divorced, she lives NEXT DOOR to her ex with her new boyfriend. Family owned property, she doesn't give a damn. I will never understand it but it's her life.

Her son just announced he's divorcing his wife of 15 years. They live on the other side of his father, son is now living with his father. The soon to be ex lives in their house and refuses to leave.

A true crap show.

I think that's the point of the OP - that what you see and believe on the outside is not truly what is going on inside. She might have appeared bossy to others but apparently her ex was controlling and called her stupid behind closed doors.