Ever know the "perfect couple" who wound up divorcing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To be honest, nope. Not a single couple I know that divorced *really* shocked me. I mean its always surprising, or at least generally, because I would hope you would not be privvy to actually seeing what goes on in someone else's home (like if you had friends who fought ALL THE TIME in public and made things awkward, yes of course that would be not at all surprising). But every single "perfect" couple, which obviously doesn't exist I know is, to the best of my knowledge, generally happy.

Three divorces so far in our wider social circle.

We haven't been shocked by any of them. What has surprised us, however, is how vindictive and hateful the divorces were, when none of them seemed that into each other in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A very wealthy couple I know are in the midst of a bitter divorce. They've been married more than 20 years in what I'd always assumed was the perfect marriage. They have three great kids, two beautiful homes, a great rapport, a perfectly lovely life. I found out recently that the mom is a closet alcoholic, which caused a rift in the marriage none of her closest friends knew about. They'd been in counseling, but could not work things out. The husband had become more and more detached (in private, not in public) and the marriage failed. That's the story that came out once the divorce became public.
It was shocking to me because I know the wife very well. She has been living a lie, and not telling anyone, except, I'm guessing, her therapist. When the marriage failed, the truth finally came out. Also, they have huge money problems, which they also kept hidden. Their houses have to be sold, along with their cars and other possessions. It's absolutely astonishing to me what people hide and what a good facade they are able to maintain. Until they can't.

I doubt it was as dramatic as you describe.

The whole living a lie and creating a facade is very dramatic.

Some people just keep things to themselves.

Obviously, I didn't know the mom as well as I thought I did. But I've spent hours talking with her, spent lots of time doing things with her and with her kids. She's not a close friend, but she's definitely a friend. I did not notice anything wrong until near the very end. My friend is a good actress. She does tend to "look on the bright side" which is perhaps why I missed some of the cracks in the facade.

And yes, it was dramatic for me, and for a number of her friends who knew nothing about their problems.

Just because she did not open up to you does not mean she was acting or putting up a facade.

She is just not a blabber mouth. She had her own support system end you obviously we're not it.

+1

I can see why. PP, you need to realize that adults don't always give you the whole picture. They might talk up a storm, and you would still never know why is really happening behind closed doors. My gosh, unless your friend was three years old. Who knows - maybe the guy was abusive and that is why she drank. Let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A very wealthy couple I know are in the midst of a bitter divorce. They've been married more than 20 years in what I'd always assumed was the perfect marriage. They have three great kids, two beautiful homes, a great rapport, a perfectly lovely life. I found out recently that the mom is a closet alcoholic, which caused a rift in the marriage none of her closest friends knew about. They'd been in counseling, but could not work things out. The husband had become more and more detached (in private, not in public) and the marriage failed. That's the story that came out once the divorce became public.
It was shocking to me because I know the wife very well. She has been living a lie, and not telling anyone, except, I'm guessing, her therapist. When the marriage failed, the truth finally came out. Also, they have huge money problems, which they also kept hidden. Their houses have to be sold, along with their cars and other possessions. It's absolutely astonishing to me what people hide and what a good facade they are able to maintain. Until they can't.

I doubt it was as dramatic as you describe.

The whole living a lie and creating a facade is very dramatic.

Some people just keep things to themselves.

Obviously, I didn't know the mom as well as I thought I did. But I've spent hours talking with her, spent lots of time doing things with her and with her kids. She's not a close friend, but she's definitely a friend. I did not notice anything wrong until near the very end. My friend is a good actress. She does tend to "look on the bright side" which is perhaps why I missed some of the cracks in the facade.

And yes, it was dramatic for me, and for a number of her friends who knew nothing about their problems.

Just because she did not open up to you does not mean she was acting or putting up a facade.

She is just not a blabber mouth. She had her own support system end you obviously we're not it.

+1

I can see why. PP, you need to realize that adults don't always give you the whole picture. They might talk up a storm, and you would still never know why is really happening behind closed doors. My gosh, unless your friend was three years old. Who knows - maybe the guy was abusive and that is why she drank. Let it go.

You all seem to be purposefully missing the point of the thread and the PP's story. Of course we all know people don't broadcast their marital or personal struggles. But everyone admits it's shocking when a couple with all the outward signs of happiness and success divorce without warning. Anyway why are you being so bitchy to PP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I want to chime in. I'm recently separated and I initially thought I wanted to jump right in. After a few weeks I realized I wanted to be selfish for awhile and take care of my own needs for once. I also wanted to beat my STBXH to the dating game. I've decided to focus on myself at least until the divorce is final. I'm in Virginia too so I'm subject to the one year waiting period too. I'm looking forward to trying out some new things and to reconnecting with old friends and hobbies.

+1

[Anonymous]

Marriage is a lot of work. Perfect and not-perfect couples both have to work hard to adjust to each other.

I do not think the "perfect couple" are trying to pull the wool over anyone's eyes. They do not know that the rest of the world thinks they are perfect because they have the looks and the money. They are in the same boat as the "not perfect couple" who end up divorcing. It is us who look at them and think that they are "perfect" because they have the things we do not - good looks, education, money, kids, house, vacations etc.

[Anonymous]

I'm in the midst of divorcing as well. Several people have expressed shock, saying how we were the perfect couple. I never saw us that way. Yes, we had a strong relationship but I suffered from severe PPD after we had kids, and husband was incapable of understanding or supporting me. Got on Zoloft, which helped, but tanked my libido. So he started fucking his married secretary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In our neighborhood, it turned out that the husband of the perfect couple was gay.

This happened in my neighborhood when I was a kid. The most charming, social couple broke up when the husband came out.

One of my friends' parents divorced when she was in college because her dad came out.

[Anonymous]

I grew up in a community with a lot of "perfect" families--comfortable, suburban, most people were not super-religious but went to church because it was a part of the community. I think that, in my class of about 30 kids in elementary school, two or three kids had divorced parents. However, stunning number of my friends' parents divorced when the kids were in college or out of the house because the parents were staying together for the kids.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I knew a family friend where this was the case. Both husband and wife were admired and seen as pillars of the community. I don't know all of the details behind the divorce, but one thing that came out was that the husband admitted he had only married the wife for her family money. Turns out golddigging isn't just for the ladies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I knew a family friend where this was the case. Both husband and wife were admired and seen as pillars of the community. I don't know all of the details behind the divorce, but one thing that came out was that the husband admitted he had only married the wife for her family money. Turns out golddigging isn't just for the ladies.

Oh absolutely. Time-honored tradition on both fronts. The history of the wealthy American heiresses during the Industrial Revolution and the penniless landed nobles in Britain are a particularly entertaining version of that.

[Anonymous]

Yes a friend of my DH had the "perfect" wife...she was sweet and skinny. Then she started having multiple affairs. He tried hard to make it work but in the end she wanted out. Super sad esp for kids.

[Anonymous]

My SIL.

Married nearly 30 years to her high school flame. They owned their own business. His mother lived with them and babysat anytime they wanted to go out or go on a mini vacation without the kids. Spent money faster than they made it but there was money flowing. New vehicles, boats, campers. Did a little world traveling, vacations for the kids twice a year.

Next thing you know she's living on her own. She said no man will ever call her stupid or tell her what she can or can't do. She's very bossy and loud. I doubt her husband ever told her what she claims. SHE ran the show.

Now divorced, she lives NEXT DOOR to her ex with her new boyfriend. Family owned property, she doesn't give a damn. I will never understand it but it's her life.

Her son just announced he's divorcing his wife of 15 years. They live on the other side of his father, son is now living with his father. The soon to be ex lives in their house and refuses to leave.

A true crap show.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in the midst of divorcing as well. Several people have expressed shock, saying how we were the perfect couple. I never saw us that way. Yes, we had a strong relationship but I suffered from severe PPD after we had kids, and husband was incapable of understanding or supporting me. Got on Zoloft, which helped, but tanked my libido. So he started fucking his married secretary.

This is sad and must have hurt. But you should know if you gave this time and space you could get over this and potentially save your marriage. People make mistakes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I'm in the midst of divorcing as well. Several people have expressed shock, saying how we were the perfect couple. I never saw us that way. Yes, we had a strong relationship but I suffered from severe PPD after we had kids, and husband was incapable of understanding or supporting me. Got on Zoloft, which helped, but tanked my libido. So he started fucking his married secretary.



This is sad and must have hurt. But you should know if you gave this time and space you could get over this and potentially save your marriage. People make mistakes.

Oh, I was willing to try. One year of marriage counseling where he gave 0 effort. He lied about his affair the entire year, and only revealed the extent of it after he signed a lease and scheduled movers. The mistake was forgivable, but not the year of lies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes a friend of my DH had the "perfect" wife...she was sweet and skinny. Then she started having multiple affairs. He tried hard to make it work but in the end she wanted out. Super sad esp for kids.

Skinny people often times have eating disorders that can play havoc with brain chemistry. So, maybe she was not that sweet?