How much would you spend on your spouse's milestone (50th) birthday?

[Anonymous]

We did $2k for an intimate, luxe gathering.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my opinion It really depends on where the money is coming from. My wife doesn't work so if she ever did purchase a gift for me it would be from money that I myself earned and therefore I don't really see the item itself as a gift. Rather, on the few time in our marriage that she has actually purchased a gift for me, the more important aspect of the "gift" was the though or rather lack of thought she put into the "gift." The reason for this is that the because the money is from my earnings the only part of herself she put into the gift was her consideration for what I might need or want. In our case only once did she put any effort into the gift. It was the effort that made the gift special. Not the cost. And frankly the more expensive the gift when spending someone else's earning shows a profound lack of consideration for that other person.

Yuck. I don't think your point of view is as universal as you think. Many people would appreciate an expensive gift out of the household earnings, precisely because they wouldn't just buy themselves so expensive on their own.
And of course thoughtful gifts are better than ones with no thought, but that's the case regardless of the price tag or source of money.

I didn't say my view is "universal." I said that this is "my opinion."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my opinion It really depends on where the money is coming from. My wife doesn't work so if she ever did purchase a gift for me it would be from money that I myself earned and therefore I don't really see the item itself as a gift. Rather, on the few time in our marriage that she has actually purchased a gift for me, the more important aspect of the "gift" was the though or rather lack of thought she put into the "gift." The reason for this is that the because the money is from my earnings the only part of herself she put into the gift was her consideration for what I might need or want. In our case only once did she put any effort into the gift. It was the effort that made the gift special. Not the cost. And frankly the more expensive the gift when spending someone else's earning shows a profound lack of consideration for that other person.

Gentle suggestion: price out how much a FT nanny costs, then add what a cook and housekeeper cost. I'll give you a hint: it's more than you earn and certainly isn't something you could afford. If you paid your wife for her services, then you would realize this.

Sadly (for your wife), you have a rather 1950s philosophy about marriage, work and finances. You also sound like someone who is incapable of being pleased or happy. I'm wondering if you are the DH from the thread about men who are selfish in bed?

Your wife probably gave up on buying you gifts specifically because of your obvious attitude problem.

I'm curious what kinds of gifts you buy for the woman you seemingly keep as your unpaid domestic servant?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my opinion It really depends on where the money is coming from. My wife doesn't work so if she ever did purchase a gift for me it would be from money that I myself earned and therefore I don't really see the item itself as a gift. Rather, on the few time in our marriage that she has actually purchased a gift for me, the more important aspect of the "gift" was the though or rather lack of thought she put into the "gift." The reason for this is that the because the money is from my earnings the only part of herself she put into the gift was her consideration for what I might need or want. In our case only once did she put any effort into the gift. It was the effort that made the gift special. Not the cost. And frankly the more expensive the gift when spending someone else's earning shows a profound lack of consideration for that other person.

This post is exactly why I have always feared leaving the work force as a woman.

Then you missed the point entirely. I view my working while she stays home (by her choice) as a gift to her which allows her the freedom to spend her time the way she wants. All my post above means is that all I want from her is just to show me some consideration and be nice to me. I don't need her spending money on gifts.

A "gift" to her? Wow.

How old are you and what's your occupation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my opinion It really depends on where the money is coming from. My wife doesn't work so if she ever did purchase a gift for me it would be from money that I myself earned and therefore I don't really see the item itself as a gift. Rather, on the few time in our marriage that she has actually purchased a gift for me, the more important aspect of the "gift" was the though or rather lack of thought she put into the "gift." The reason for this is that the because the money is from my earnings the only part of herself she put into the gift was her consideration for what I might need or want. In our case only once did she put any effort into the gift. It was the effort that made the gift special. Not the cost. And frankly the more expensive the gift when spending someone else's earning shows a profound lack of consideration for that other person.

Yuck. I don't think your point of view is as universal as you think. Many people would appreciate an expensive gift out of the household earnings, precisely because they wouldn't just buy themselves so expensive on their own.
And of course thoughtful gifts are better than ones with no thought, but that's the case regardless of the price tag or source of money.

I like how you use the phrase household earning implying that both people have the right to spend those funds but them make the spending of those funds a unilateral decision. As discussed many times in this forum large expenditures of household earnings should typically be discussed.

The OP shouldn't be asking people in this forum how much she should spend. She should be asking her husband because if she spends an amount that he feels is excessive he will most likely not enjoy the tickets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my opinion It really depends on where the money is coming from. My wife doesn't work so if she ever did purchase a gift for me it would be from money that I myself earned and therefore I don't really see the item itself as a gift. Rather, on the few time in our marriage that she has actually purchased a gift for me, the more important aspect of the "gift" was the though or rather lack of thought she put into the "gift." The reason for this is that the because the money is from my earnings the only part of herself she put into the gift was her consideration for what I might need or want. In our case only once did she put any effort into the gift. It was the effort that made the gift special. Not the cost. And frankly the more expensive the gift when spending someone else's earning shows a profound lack of consideration for that other person.

This is asshattery. Your wife works to enable you to work the way you do. In the absence of her work, you would need to hire people to do what she does, and divert your focus from your work in order to put it on your kids and household.

You both earn your salary.

If I knew your wife, I would tell her to go back to work, so that she is not dependent on you. And so that you get a clue.

[Anonymous]

50k would be enough to build a greenhouse in our backyard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my opinion It really depends on where the money is coming from. My wife doesn't work so if she ever did purchase a gift for me it would be from money that I myself earned and therefore I don't really see the item itself as a gift. Rather, on the few time in our marriage that she has actually purchased a gift for me, the more important aspect of the "gift" was the though or rather lack of thought she put into the "gift." The reason for this is that the because the money is from my earnings the only part of herself she put into the gift was her consideration for what I might need or want. In our case only once did she put any effort into the gift. It was the effort that made the gift special. Not the cost. And frankly the more expensive the gift when spending someone else's earning shows a profound lack of consideration for that other person.

Gentle suggestion: price out how much a FT nanny costs, then add what a cook and housekeeper cost. I'll give you a hint: it's more than you earn and certainly isn't something you could afford. If you paid your wife for her services, then you would realize this.

Sadly (for your wife), you have a rather 1950s philosophy about marriage, work and finances. You also sound like someone who is incapable of being pleased or happy. I'm wondering if you are the DH from the thread about men who are selfish in bed?

Your wife probably gave up on buying you gifts specifically because of your obvious attitude problem.

I'm curious what kinds of gifts you buy for the woman you seemingly keep as your unpaid domestic servant?

You are making a lot of assumptions here. My wife sets her own schedule. She enjoys arty type things and during the week (while I'm at work) she does to organ lessons on Tuesdays, Wednesdays are painting lessons, Thursdays she teaches piano to her sisters children (for free it more of a social thing between her and her sister). I carry my own cloths to the dry cleaners and do the majority of the cooking in our house and we have a house cleaning service.

I really don't understand why people find it so difficult to accept the fact that a husband works to support his family (including his wife). Why do you have to make it some sort of score card where the wife has been disenfranchised and is working at a disadvantage?

[Anonymous]

I'm pretty sure my father spent somewhere in the area of $3,000. He had an all-night house party with a custom suit, a DJ + band, seating rentals, catering from friends including a roasted pig, endless alcohol.

So for us it was a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my opinion It really depends on where the money is coming from. My wife doesn't work so if she ever did purchase a gift for me it would be from money that I myself earned and therefore I don't really see the item itself as a gift. Rather, on the few time in our marriage that she has actually purchased a gift for me, the more important aspect of the "gift" was the though or rather lack of thought she put into the "gift." The reason for this is that the because the money is from my earnings the only part of herself she put into the gift was her consideration for what I might need or want. In our case only once did she put any effort into the gift. It was the effort that made the gift special. Not the cost. And frankly the more expensive the gift when spending someone else's earning shows a profound lack of consideration for that other person.

This post is exactly why I have always feared leaving the work force as a woman.

Then you missed the point entirely. I view my working while she stays home (by her choice) as a gift to her which allows her the freedom to spend her time the way she wants. All my post above means is that all I want from her is just to show me some consideration and be nice to me. I don't need her spending money on gifts.

I'm the poster that responded to you here. I got your point entirely. And your "point" is what I said I feared about leaving my career to raise our children. It's a struggle to work full time in a demanding career and raise young children but I'd rather struggle the way I do for the last 11 years since having our first, than suffer under a lifestyle that you describe. Sorry to your wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my opinion It really depends on where the money is coming from. My wife doesn't work so if she ever did purchase a gift for me it would be from money that I myself earned and therefore I don't really see the item itself as a gift. Rather, on the few time in our marriage that she has actually purchased a gift for me, the more important aspect of the "gift" was the though or rather lack of thought she put into the "gift." The reason for this is that the because the money is from my earnings the only part of herself she put into the gift was her consideration for what I might need or want. In our case only once did she put any effort into the gift. It was the effort that made the gift special. Not the cost. And frankly the more expensive the gift when spending someone else's earning shows a profound lack of consideration for that other person.

This is asshattery. Your wife works to enable you to work the way you do. In the absence of her work, you would need to hire people to do what she does, and divert your focus from your work in order to put it on your kids and household.

You both earn your salary.

If I knew your wife, I would tell her to go back to work, so that she is not dependent on you. And so that you get a clue.

+1 That is really the perfect phrase to describe this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my opinion It really depends on where the money is coming from. My wife doesn't work so if she ever did purchase a gift for me it would be from money that I myself earned and therefore I don't really see the item itself as a gift. Rather, on the few time in our marriage that she has actually purchased a gift for me, the more important aspect of the "gift" was the though or rather lack of thought she put into the "gift." The reason for this is that the because the money is from my earnings the only part of herself she put into the gift was her consideration for what I might need or want. In our case only once did she put any effort into the gift. It was the effort that made the gift special. Not the cost. And frankly the more expensive the gift when spending someone else's earning shows a profound lack of consideration for that other person.

This is asshattery. Your wife works to enable you to work the way you do. In the absence of her work, you would need to hire people to do what she does, and divert your focus from your work in order to put it on your kids and household.

You both earn your salary.

If I knew your wife, I would tell her to go back to work, so that she is not dependent on you. And so that you get a clue.

Funny. I think if his wife went to work then SHE would be the one getting the clue. After my ex divorced me she went back to work. At first she was supper excited but after about a year she got (and continues to be) depressed about working. When I speak to her she always complains about how all she does is work and doesn't have time for anything and how the kids are ungrateful for all the work she does. I'm quiet and do not point out how I have felt the same way during my whole working life but just sucked it up because gender roles in our society don't allow for me to stay home and not work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my opinion It really depends on where the money is coming from. My wife doesn't work so if she ever did purchase a gift for me it would be from money that I myself earned and therefore I don't really see the item itself as a gift. Rather, on the few time in our marriage that she has actually purchased a gift for me, the more important aspect of the "gift" was the though or rather lack of thought she put into the "gift." The reason for this is that the because the money is from my earnings the only part of herself she put into the gift was her consideration for what I might need or want. In our case only once did she put any effort into the gift. It was the effort that made the gift special. Not the cost. And frankly the more expensive the gift when spending someone else's earning shows a profound lack of consideration for that other person.

This is asshattery. Your wife works to enable you to work the way you do. In the absence of her work, you would need to hire people to do what she does, and divert your focus from your work in order to put it on your kids and household.

You both earn your salary.

If I knew your wife, I would tell her to go back to work, so that she is not dependent on you. And so that you get a clue.

+1 That is really the perfect phrase to describe this.

Why? I've got a friend and she feels the same. She went back to work a couple years ago and she tells me all the time that she hates when her husband buys her stuff because the money is earmarked for household stuff or she wanted to put the money into savings or something like that. She would prefer that he do something thoughtful rather than spending money. I think there feelings go both ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my opinion It really depends on where the money is coming from. My wife doesn't work so if she ever did purchase a gift for me it would be from money that I myself earned and therefore I don't really see the item itself as a gift. Rather, on the few time in our marriage that she has actually purchased a gift for me, the more important aspect of the "gift" was the though or rather lack of thought she put into the "gift." The reason for this is that the because the money is from my earnings the only part of herself she put into the gift was her consideration for what I might need or want. In our case only once did she put any effort into the gift. It was the effort that made the gift special. Not the cost. And frankly the more expensive the gift when spending someone else's earning shows a profound lack of consideration for that other person.

You sound lovely.

[Anonymous]

PP here who is getting the Super Bowl tickets. I work full time and the money for this will be coming out of my fun money. Every paycheck I put away some money that is just for me to spend as I wish. If I were to spend $7-$10k from the household account, I would need to discuss it with DH. It doesn't matter which account this comes from, this is still a lot of money for a long weekend. Discussing a bday gift for
The gift receipient and then asking "can we afford to spend this on that" sort of takes the wind out of the sails.