How much would you spend on your spouse's milestone (50th) birthday?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my opinion It really depends on where the money is coming from. My wife doesn't work so if she ever did purchase a gift for me it would be from money that I myself earned and therefore I don't really see the item itself as a gift. Rather, on the few time in our marriage that she has actually purchased a gift for me, the more important aspect of the "gift" was the though or rather lack of thought she put into the "gift." The reason for this is that the because the money is from my earnings the only part of herself she put into the gift was her consideration for what I might need or want. In our case only once did she put any effort into the gift. It was the effort that made the gift special. Not the cost. And frankly the more expensive the gift when spending someone else's earning shows a profound lack of consideration for that other person.

This post is exactly why I have always feared leaving the work force as a woman.

Not all men have this attitude. DW doesn’t work, can spend as much as she wants in whatever she wants. I don’t look at the bank statements and don’t really care what she spends money on. I trust her. I buy her expensive gifts, I can’t imagine saying you need to get my approval before buying an expensive gift.

+ Agreed. I would never have become a SAHM if my DH had that attitude. Come to think of it, I would not have married and had kids with my DH if he had that attitude. I am capable of earning money, what I wanted was a man who loved, respected and desired me, and would support wholeheartedly in decisions that were beneficial to our kids. Thankfully, DH is such a man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my opinion It really depends on where the money is coming from. My wife doesn't work so if she ever did purchase a gift for me it would be from money that I myself earned and therefore I don't really see the item itself as a gift. Rather, on the few time in our marriage that she has actually purchased a gift for me, the more important aspect of the "gift" was the though or rather lack of thought she put into the "gift." The reason for this is that the because the money is from my earnings the only part of herself she put into the gift was her consideration for what I might need or want. In our case only once did she put any effort into the gift. It was the effort that made the gift special. Not the cost. And frankly the more expensive the gift when spending someone else's earning shows a profound lack of consideration for that other person.

Yuck. I don't think your point of view is as universal as you think. Many people would appreciate an expensive gift out of the household earnings, precisely because they wouldn't just buy themselves so expensive on their own.
And of course thoughtful gifts are better than ones with no thought, but that's the case regardless of the price tag or source of money.

I think YOU don't get it. I feel the same way as the poster above whos wife buys thoughtless gifts with his earning. The notion that a unilateral expensive gift chose is better when made by your wife because you wouldn't buy it for yourself doesn't change the fact that it was a unilateral choice made by one person about "joint" funds. Shows lack of consideration for the other person. What I ALWAYS wanted from my wife was to demonstrate to me that she truly appreciated and cared about the work I did for the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my opinion It really depends on where the money is coming from. My wife doesn't work so if she ever did purchase a gift for me it would be from money that I myself earned and therefore I don't really see the item itself as a gift. Rather, on the few time in our marriage that she has actually purchased a gift for me, the more important aspect of the "gift" was the though or rather lack of thought she put into the "gift." The reason for this is that the because the money is from my earnings the only part of herself she put into the gift was her consideration for what I might need or want. In our case only once did she put any effort into the gift. It was the effort that made the gift special. Not the cost. And frankly the more expensive the gift when spending someone else's earning shows a profound lack of consideration for that other person.

Yuck. I don't think your point of view is as universal as you think. Many people would appreciate an expensive gift out of the household earnings, precisely because they wouldn't just buy themselves so expensive on their own.
And of course thoughtful gifts are better than ones with no thought, but that's the case regardless of the price tag or source of money.

I think YOU don't get it. I feel the same way as the poster above whos wife buys thoughtless gifts with his earning. The notion that a unilateral expensive gift chose is better when made by your wife because you wouldn't buy it for yourself doesn't change the fact that it was a unilateral choice made by one person about "joint" funds. Shows lack of consideration for the other person. What I ALWAYS wanted from my wife was to demonstrate to me that she truly appreciated and cared about the work I did for the family.

Oh FFS!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Looks like OP has found her answer.

But I am curious if most women are OK with paying 50-50 for household and child-related expenses if both spouses work full-time, make the same amount of money and split all chores and childcare more or less equally?

My wife expects me to pay more than her (60-70%), became unhappy, shows me no affection and has gradually reduced frequency of sex which is now near-zero.

I make more than my H and I pay more. All the money goes into the bank and we pay the bills.

But I do more of everything else. I'm not unhappy about it. My life is great and I have great kids.

Your issue has nothing to do with $$ and chores.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP Here: Thanks to those who answered the actual question. I work FT and actually now make a little bit more than my husband, so the whole debate with the random guy who responded about his SAH wife is not really germane for me personally.

I know that no one can gauge my budget, so that wasn't what I was asking (as I noted at the outset.) We literally NEVER spend serious money, although I manage to spend a lot in Target or grocery runs. We both have respectable DC salaries (not Big Law, think two veteran fed level salaries.) But between two kids and the fact that my husband grew up as a poor immigrant who believes he has to be prepared for the apocalypse with cash under the mattress, we live way below our means.

My theory has been that between $1k & $2k all in (since I think this will entail travel) is probably justifiable -- since as PPs said, that's what a 50th bash would cost. But it's still mind boggling for me, and so before I pulled the trigger I wanted to get a sense of what others have spent.

BTW the team is Golden State Warriors - actually he just wants to see Steph Curry play, He wanted courtside seats but my plan is for the third row, plus a night on his own (which he will value almost as much as the game.) I may bring the kids the next day and all spend a night at my family's beach house. Although it won't be beach weather, it's a special place for our whole family so I think it might be nice to do.

OP, sorry this got hijacked. I think your plan sounds perfect, including the stay at the beach house. Neither my DH nor I were used to spending much money on ourselves or each other. We splurged and took a wonderful trip to Italy. Great memories and no regrets. I say go for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP Here: Thanks to those who answered the actual question. I work FT and actually now make a little bit more than my husband, so the whole debate with the random guy who responded about his SAH wife is not really germane for me personally.

I know that no one can gauge my budget, so that wasn't what I was asking (as I noted at the outset.) We literally NEVER spend serious money, although I manage to spend a lot in Target or grocery runs. We both have respectable DC salaries (not Big Law, think two veteran fed level salaries.) But between two kids and the fact that my husband grew up as a poor immigrant who believes he has to be prepared for the apocalypse with cash under the mattress, we live way below our means.

My theory has been that between $1k & $2k all in (since I think this will entail travel) is probably justifiable -- since as PPs said, that's what a 50th bash would cost. But it's still mind boggling for me, and so before I pulled the trigger I wanted to get a sense of what others have spent.

BTW the team is Golden State Warriors - actually he just wants to see Steph Curry play, He wanted courtside seats but my plan is for the third row, plus a night on his own (which he will value almost as much as the game.) I may bring the kids the next day and all spend a night at my family's beach house. Although it won't be beach weather, it's a special place for our whole family so I think it might be nice to do.

OP, sorry this got hijacked. I think your plan sounds perfect, including the stay at the beach house. Neither my DH nor I were used to spending much money on ourselves or each other. We splurged and took a wonderful trip to Italy. Great memories and no regrets. I say go for it.[b]

you do realize the OP was from 3 f*ing years ago, right? I'm pretty sure OP had figured it all out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP Here: Thanks to those who answered the actual question. I work FT and actually now make a little bit more than my husband, so the whole debate with the random guy who responded about his SAH wife is not really germane for me personally.

I know that no one can gauge my budget, so that wasn't what I was asking (as I noted at the outset.) We literally NEVER spend serious money, although I manage to spend a lot in Target or grocery runs. We both have respectable DC salaries (not Big Law, think two veteran fed level salaries.) But between two kids and the fact that my husband grew up as a poor immigrant who believes he has to be prepared for the apocalypse with cash under the mattress, we live way below our means.

My theory has been that between $1k & $2k all in (since I think this will entail travel) is probably justifiable -- since as PPs said, that's what a 50th bash would cost. But it's still mind boggling for me, and so before I pulled the trigger I wanted to get a sense of what others have spent.

BTW the team is Golden State Warriors - actually he just wants to see Steph Curry play, He wanted courtside seats but my plan is for the third row, plus a night on his own (which he will value almost as much as the game.) I may bring the kids the next day and all spend a night at my family's beach house. Although it won't be beach weather, it's a special place for our whole family so I think it might be nice to do.

OP, sorry this got hijacked. I think your plan sounds perfect, including the stay at the beach house. Neither my DH nor I were used to spending much money on ourselves or each other. We splurged and took a wonderful trip to Italy. Great memories and no regrets. I say go for it.[b]

you do realize the OP was from 3 f*ing years ago, right? I'm pretty sure OP had figured it all out.

Well aren’t you a peach!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP Here: Thanks to those who answered the actual question. I work FT and actually now make a little bit more than my husband, so the whole debate with the random guy who responded about his SAH wife is not really germane for me personally.

I know that no one can gauge my budget, so that wasn't what I was asking (as I noted at the outset.) We literally NEVER spend serious money, although I manage to spend a lot in Target or grocery runs. We both have respectable DC salaries (not Big Law, think two veteran fed level salaries.) But between two kids and the fact that my husband grew up as a poor immigrant who believes he has to be prepared for the apocalypse with cash under the mattress, we live way below our means.

My theory has been that between $1k & $2k all in (since I think this will entail travel) is probably justifiable -- since as PPs said, that's what a 50th bash would cost. But it's still mind boggling for me, and so before I pulled the trigger I wanted to get a sense of what others have spent.

BTW the team is Golden State Warriors - actually he just wants to see Steph Curry play, He wanted courtside seats but my plan is for the third row, plus a night on his own (which he will value almost as much as the game.) I may bring the kids the next day and all spend a night at my family's beach house. Although it won't be beach weather, it's a special place for our whole family so I think it might be nice to do.

OP, sorry this got hijacked. I think your plan sounds perfect, including the stay at the beach house. Neither my DH nor I were used to spending much money on ourselves or each other. We splurged and took a wonderful trip to Italy. Great memories and no regrets. I say go for it.

Agree - great plan. My number based on reading your headline was $10k so I think you are fine

[Anonymous]

I just spent 1300 for 10 adults and 5 kids at a upscale restaurant

[Anonymous]

What did he do for your 50th?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A 50th birthday party at a restaurant or venue with a bar tab will be well over $1k. I host business dinners for 10 people that easily cost more than $1k, and nobody is drinking heavily (since it's a business meal, not a party).

Again: if your husband has told you what he wants...and he was very specific...then *that* is precisely what he wants. I'm sure he knows how much it costs, so I wouldn't worry about cost.

And FFS, do not drag your sports-loving husband to a Broadway show for his 50th birthday. Not cool.

Are they hosted at Olive Garden? You're not reserving a decent private space and bar in DC for less than $3000, more likely $5000-$7000.

[Anonymous]

Funny this should pop up. My wife turns 50 in June. Because the last year has been such a sh*t show all her friend's 50ths got canceled.

Now they are being scheduled as small weekends away at fancy hotels on the Eastern Shore like gangbusters since most are or will be vaccinated. I think she has 4 on the calendar between May 1 and August 1.

I would never voice it but that means hers will basically be a nice dinner and a card.

You don't get to have four $600 girl's weekends and then expect me to host some big party.

[Anonymous]

Just check in that he doesn’t want a trip or a big party at a rented facility w catering and music.

If no then get him what he wants.

You can tell if your spouse likes surprises or social events or usually host parties.

My parents do and some friends, their events were like low key bar mitzvahs but prob still cost $10k at least at a community clubhouse, decorated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my opinion It really depends on where the money is coming from. My wife doesn't work so if she ever did purchase a gift for me it would be from money that I myself earned and therefore I don't really see the item itself as a gift. Rather, on the few time in our marriage that she has actually purchased a gift for me, the more important aspect of the "gift" was the though or rather lack of thought she put into the "gift." The reason for this is that the because the money is from my earnings the only part of herself she put into the gift was her consideration for what I might need or want. In our case only once did she put any effort into the gift. It was the effort that made the gift special. Not the cost. And frankly the more expensive the gift when spending someone else's earning shows a profound lack of consideration for that other person.

This post is exactly why I have always feared leaving the work force as a woman.

You could eliminate that risk by not marrying an awful person.

[Anonymous]

My husband goes all out.

He did 5 exclusive surprise dinners at hard to book top restaurants with a mystery couple each time (friends I hadn’t seen in awhile) leading up to my bday weekend.

Then a huge blowout surprise party at a restaurant he rented out—friends flew in- my bday weekend.

A few weeks before Covid hit.