Making my teen pay....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you continually want to test her for no reason.

Set an amount you want her to pay and set a budget for her. Stop making this a constant test of her morality and stop sending her constant "messages." That sounds petty and harassive. I'm sure she gets it. She's frugal, right? What do you want from her? She's already shopping at thrift stores. You sound a little obsessed, frankly.

Where do you get off that I sending her constant "messages?"

Here, where you said

I keep sending her the message that my DW and I will help her pay for college but that she should not expect us to pay a full ride.

[Anonymous]

How about a compromise and you both pay half?

[Anonymous]

I would pay for whatever you think is a reasonable quantity is schools, and she can pay for any additional ones herself.

[Anonymous]

Please don't make her pay for the applications. If you want to set a limit of applying for 8 colleges and she covers any additional she wants to apply to, fine. But don't make an already stressful situation worse. My parents did not have much money at all, but the one thing they did do was pay for my college applications so I could at least try to get in. First one to go to college. I had to cover most of my college, but at least I felt like they were helping me get in. Now, the parking fee is another matter. If she wants the convenience of having a car, then by all means she covers that cost. Just by two cents of been there, done that.

[Anonymous]

I think it would be better to take the long view and think about what your goals are.

If you can afford to pay for applications, I'm not sure what making her pay for them out of her (presumably limited) funds achieves. What are you trying to accomplish here? Are you afraid that she will apply willy-nilly without adequate consideration of the pros and cons of each college? Then why not just set a limit on how many applications she can submit? Or why not set a limit on how many applications you will pay for--whatever seems reasonable to you--and then tell her if she wants to apply to more she will need to pay for them?

If you are going to make her pay for them, it seems to me that you have to be okay with the possibility that she will decide to apply only to a couple of colleges in order to save money. That might be a very penny-wise but pound-foolish decision. So I'd be careful about setting up this kind of "incentive."

If, OTOH, you want her to become accustomed to managing her money, making a budget, making decisions about how to allocate limited funds, etc., wouldn't it make more sense to, say, require her to manage her own spending at school? Have her use her own savings and earnings for her day-to-day expenses and for buying books and supplies. This will require her to make a budget and try to keep to it. Or have her pay for her own cellphone, so she makes the decision about how much she can afford, staying with data limits each month, etc.

What are your goals, OP? Make sure your parenting decisions are helping you get there.

[Anonymous]

Actually, it's my DW who needs a budget....

[Anonymous]

Applying to only 8 colleges to save money seems short sighted. Why pay for test prep to just hobble your child's chances at the finish line? Why are you angry about paying for the little things? You will teach your child only about unexpected bills popping up because you have no previous agreement with her about specific responsibilities. You will turn money into a wedge between you as you are using it as a weapon when it becomes convenient. You are the type who suddenly won't pay one semester if she didn't get a job at the campus Starbucks. You need to decide if money means more to you now or your child's education. For reference:
We pay $60,000+ OOS per year. 1,000+ rent and $700 food misc. per month. We cut the food down from 1,000 when she dumped her BF. My DD seems fine with money. Got a job during the school year and an internship over the summer. Has saved $8,000 of her money.

[Anonymous]

I would ABSOLUTELY NOT have her pay for application fees or parking permit either. Like another poster said, perhaps have her use her own spending money once she is there.

[Anonymous]

Why does she need a parking permit? Unless she is commuting to college (and you make it sound like she hasn't been accepted anywhere), most places do not allow freshman to have cars . . . something about your post is weird.

[Anonymous]

It's more important she understand budgeting and living within a budget. You already said she is frugal. I think you are over thinking it. Cost of colleges have really increased and if you can afford to pay tuition out of current income the cost of apps are nothing. You need to reexamine your motivation. Are you really teaching her anything about money if you tell her what you are paying for and what She has to pay for? Give her the money for tuition, room & board, plus a month allowance and let her decide how to use the money. She may not want a car or she may get a job...it's up to her.

[Anonymous]

Sounds fine.

[Anonymous]

OP, this is what we do. We paid for everything having to do with college - all applications (there were only six, but we would have paid for more), tuition, room/board, meal plan/food, books. He has a job and pays for all his spending money himself - gas, restaurants, movies, whatever.

We just feel that while our kids are "at home" - and that includes being away at college - we pay for everything education related. Because we can. If we couldn't, it would be a different matter. We feel having a part time job during the summer which generates enough income for year-round spending money is fine. They'll be out on their own before we know it, and having to handle all of this themselves. We're happy to help.

[Anonymous]

Making her pay, and therefore probably scrimp on college applications is ridiculous. It's a drop in the bucket overall. Very shortsighted. You and she should be encouraging more applications, not fewer, to obtain the best financial result.

[Anonymous]

^ ok so I just saw the 8 application, so 8 is not unreasonable. But again ~ if she wants that 9th school, why not have a back-and-forth discussion. You sound pretty unpleasant to talk to frankly.

[Anonymous]

Truthfully, I don't think it will matter one way or another, if your daughter is already aware of financial priorities and budgeting. My parents paid everything for me, and I grew up to very careful with money.

I strongly discourage you from stressing her out, or creating a conflict. If she agrees to pay and it doesn't affect her grades, etc, to earn her own money by getting a job, then wonderful! If not, don't insist on it. You already said you could afford it.