Making my teen pay....

[Anonymous]

We are not well off but will pay for any reasonable college applications. Our DD is sensible and has a good list. I will not limit it to what she can pay for because I want her to apply widely so we can entertain lots of FA options. Once college starts, we will pay for that (she knows she needs to stay in our budget thus the need to choose lots of schools where she could be happy since she will have to pick the one which gives her the most help) and she can earn her own spending money. I will send her little gifts and money as I can but expenses outside of school and dining plan are her extras.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Truthfully, I don't think it will matter one way or another, if your daughter is already aware of financial priorities and budgeting. My parents paid everything for me, and I grew up to very careful with money.

I strongly discourage you from stressing her out, or creating a conflict. If she agrees to pay and it doesn't affect her grades, etc, to earn her own money by getting a job, then wonderful! If not, don't insist on it. You already said you could afford it.

+1
My parents also paid all my expenses until I had graduated college, and I also became very careful with my own money. I think it's a myth (maybe wishful thinking?) that kids whose parents pay for everything will grow into spoiled, lazy spendthrifts. My parents didn't have a ton of money, but they made sure to pay for whatever my brother and I needed, for which we are forever grateful and appreciative. The expectation was that we would spend our time and energies on our school work, which we did.

[Anonymous]

Just a note that paying for the applications herself also means you have no legitimate say in where she applies. Are you prepared to be left out of that entirely?

[Anonymous]

Not the way I'd handle it given the situation as you described it, but your money your choice. However, I hope you will make sure she is very clear on what's expected, soon, so that she can have time to prepare since it's likely she either hasn't thought about those costs or thought you would cover them. Set clear expectations in time for them to be met, and don't move the goalposts or add unexpected expenses/conditions out of the blue.

[Anonymous]

This doesn't need to be complicated. You simply tell her that the budget for application fees is x. She may also be able to solicit fee waivers and receive some anyway based on test scores. As far as tuition goes, tell her up front what you can contribute. She can make decisions on where to apply based on that figure. Point her to a loan calculator to give her an understanding of what loan repayment figures look like.

[Anonymous]

I am so glad you are not my father.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am so glad you are not my father.

+1023

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just a note that paying for the applications herself also means you have no legitimate say in where she applies. Are you prepared to be left out of that entirely?

OP here. I like the idea of setting a budget for applications - say $1000. That gives her at least 10 schools. What is a reasonable number - I think 9: 2-3 reach, 3 match and 3 safety. As far as my having a say, both her Mom and I have said her choice is exactly that - her choice. I still think she should pay for her HIGH SCHOOL parking pass.

Also, regarding school budget, I've said I guarantee that she can attend any Commonwealth of Virginia school "full ride," but if she wants OOS or private she'll have to cover the difference. I've not discouraged her from looking at privates and emphasized she needs to consider what merit FA they might have on offer. Her school list thus far includes UVA, W&M, JMU, Smith and Simmons. I'm not sure at this point what else she is considering.

[Anonymous]

OP - It sounds as if your daughter has had good financial training at home so far. I would encourage you and your DW to sit down with DD and go over what her monthly budget is for the school year ahead so that she can get an idea of just where "extra money" might go quickly go. If she has had a summer job, then I do think it is reasonable that you have had her save at least some of it for college as appropriate to your family's outlook. In any case, one would assume that she does have "a budget" of money from you and DW for certain expenses or possibly for some and so much from summer earnings. Take one or both streams together and sit down with her to look at: clothes, cell phone,
gas, personal care (hair cuts, nails, makeup) expenses, weekly entertainment, school lunches or eating out at lunch time. You might also include a listing of what you estimate car insurance and general maintenance on her car (if she has one).

We were from a family of eight and as the oldest, my folks did pay for all applications, college visit trips (including a one-day flight down with my Dad to see Georgetown U, GWU and Trinity many years ago and I went to GWU.) and they covered most costs of college. I was expected to pay for books and weekly incidental expenses. When I decided to go abroad for a summer program in Mexico, I earned the money to do so by working 20 hours a week while in college as a junior. We all also all worked during the summers and I at least baby sat in high school.

You do not indicate if your daughter is a top student or has a particular career field she would like to follow. Coming from Boston, I would say if a top student, she might have a better chance of a good package from Simmons College than Smith. Also if she does have time on her hands during the school year, she could pick up some real easy money doing sitting and even at college. So just keep the conversation going about how well she is doing, but tweak what might help her master financial like skills.

[Anonymous]

I think you are being reasonable and teaching good lessons.

On a side note, is it necessary for her to have a car at school? At my college freshmen were not allowed to have cars on campus and my parents didn't let me have one at school until I was a junior. You could talk with her about saving money by not taking a car to school. It's not necessary at most schools when you live on campus and it can help her adjust/reallocate her budget.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:for her own college applications and her parking fee at school. My DD will be 18 in December. I keep sending her the message that my DW and I will help her pay for college but that she should not expect us to pay a full ride. We don't have dedicated college savings, but with our current HHI can easily pay full price out if monthly income at almost any college or university in the U.S. That being said, my DD knows money doesn't grow on trees, and we have raised her to be frugal. She does most of her shopping at thrift shops, and scoffs at the "richies" in her NOVA high school who have Mommy and Daddy hand them everything. She had a summer job this summer and has saved some m

Your HHI can pay for almost any college in the US? Thats about $60k per year or $5k per month and you are stressing about a parking fee or $1k in college applications? I understand being frugal and I understand households were $1k is alot of money but yours does not sound like one. Stop being a tight ass cheapskate.

Also something does not quite add up in your statement. You have enough free cash flow to pay for $5k per month but you don't have any college savings and are going to pay for college out of current income? Unless things in your life have changed, you should have amassed quite a bit of savings in the past few years. If you have not, where is $5k per month coming from?

Sometimes it is the kids with the highest family incomes that need the biggest wakeup calls. I don't want my kids having the sense of entitlement I too often see on this board. Quite frankly it is doubtful that their incomes will come anywhere near their parents. It is best for these kids to learn early that the world will not be handing everything to them. I see no problem at all with what op is proposing.

[Anonymous]

Why do people asking whether OP's child needs a car at school not realize OP is talking about parking at OP's daughter's high and NOT college?

[Anonymous]

OP, do you actually live with your child? Why don't you know her college app choices? Are you aware that with each application fee there is also a fee from College Board to send test scores and subject test results? FAFSA has additional fees. As for the HS parking permit...why does your child drive to school? Her convenience or yours? This is something YOU should negotiate, not ask on an anonymous forum.

[Anonymous]

My parents did not know where I applied to college until I was accepted . Too much helicopter parenting these days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just a note that paying for the applications herself also means you have no legitimate say in where she applies. Are you prepared to be left out of that entirely?

OP here. I like the idea of setting a budget for applications - say $1000. That gives her at least 10 schools. What is a reasonable number - I think 9: 2-3 reach, 3 match and 3 safety. As far as my having a say, both her Mom and I have said her choice is exactly that - her choice. I still think she should pay for her HIGH SCHOOL parking pass.

Also, regarding school budget, I've said I guarantee that she can attend any Commonwealth of Virginia school "full ride," but if she wants OOS or private she'll have to cover the difference. I've not discouraged her from looking at privates and emphasized she needs to consider what merit FA they might have on offer. Her school list thus far includes UVA, W&M, JMU, Smith and Simmons. I'm not sure at this point what else she is considering.

Her driving to school saves you from driving her. You pay.