Husband still blames me for acting like a bitch postpartum

[Anonymous]

How about "I am so sorry we had never gone through all that. It was the worst period in our marriage." Something that moves the dialogue away from blame and anger and toward mutual acknowledgement of hurt.

[Anonymous]

In other words OP you were a bitch with PPD.

Now the PPD is gone but you're still a bitch, still playing the victim.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's holding a grudge this long? Then he has a mental illness himself, probably OCD, maybe even PTSD! Regardless, he needs counseling at this point, better yet a few couples sessions to get beyond the anger.

No, I think he just honestly thinks I still owe him an apology.

Why don't you apologize and see what happens? Are you more interested in making the situation right or more interested in being right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's holding a grudge this long? Then he has a mental illness himself, probably OCD, maybe even PTSD! Regardless, he needs counseling at this point, better yet a few couples sessions to get beyond the anger.

No, I think he just honestly thinks I still owe him an apology.

Why don't you apologize and see what happens? Are you more interested in making the situation right or more interested in being right?

Because I don't think I have anything to apologize for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In other words OP you were a bitch with PPD.

Now the PPD is gone but you're still a bitch, still playing the victim.

+1

[Anonymous]

If he apologized for his role in not recognizing your ppd, would you feel better about apologizing for your actions during that time?

[Anonymous]

I hope you are using very, very reliable BC.

[Anonymous]

You guys need to get back into counseling. You both need it. I say that very seriously. Your relationship has taken a serious hit in terms of trust. I am someone who was horrible to my husband PP. I got medication, I got therapy, I apologized to him. But he does not say I was a "bitch", he responds with empathy and understanding because I was basically mentally ill. You need to apologize with no "buts." However, you also need to express your feelings that you were (1) abandoned when you needed help and (2) continue to be punished for something that was beyond your control at the time. I seriously urge you to get you and your spouse into therapy because even if you are not yelling, each of you has damaged trust in the other. You guys need to get beyond blaming each other, take responsibility for what you did, and express the true hurt you felt to the other. Your spouse sounds like he is not taking any responsibility and I think you need to accept that your behavior really hurt your husband, not say things like "I can't take very much responsibility for this." Your hurt your husband. He failed to help you then, and he is now hurting you. This does not indicate a solid marriage and you guys need couples counseling with someone competent. If your spouse says he does not "need it" say that you need it and you are in a marriage together and that means your marriage "needs" it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In other words OP you were a bitch with PPD.

Now the PPD is gone but you're still a bitch, still playing the victim.

+1

I'll just leave this here for you two jerks.

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/425312.page

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he apologized for his role in not recognizing your ppd, would you feel better about apologizing for your actions during that time?

Yes. But he still maintains I did not have it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's holding a grudge this long? Then he has a mental illness himself, probably OCD, maybe even PTSD! Regardless, he needs counseling at this point, better yet a few couples sessions to get beyond the anger.

No, I think he just honestly thinks I still owe him an apology.

Why don't you apologize and see what happens? Are you more interested in making the situation right or more interested in being right?

Because I don't think I have anything to apologize for.

I also suffered from horrible PPD but thankfully had a supportive DH. I still felt like I should apologize for things I said and did. Could I control certain Ways that I acted? No, the disease took over all normal functioning of my brain. But I still said and did things that hurt my husband and I regret it. ApOlogizing to him is acknowledgment that you hurt him. That's all he wants, for you to acknowledge that you hurt him without any qualifiers. Your DH sounds like a jerk, but I'm On his side with that thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In other words OP you were a bitch with PPD.

Now the PPD is gone but you're still a bitch, still playing the victim.

+1

-1! Vilifying is not helping! If you're both just going to be naysayers, go join an MRA group and let the grownups talk!

OP, it sounds like you can still rectify your relationship with love, dialogue, giving/seeking forgiveness and patience if DH can do the same -- no yelling!
Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's holding a grudge this long? Then he has a mental illness himself, probably OCD, maybe even PTSD! Regardless, he needs counseling at this point, better yet a few couples sessions to get beyond the anger.

No, I think he just honestly thinks I still owe him an apology.

Why don't you apologize and see what happens? Are you more interested in making the situation right or more interested in being right?

Because I don't think I have anything to apologize for.

So being right is the most important thing to OP!

[Anonymous]

You attempted an insincere apology with a "but" in the sentence.

Having a mental illness is one part of it, but understand that even though it afflicted you, you hurt your loved one. On purpose or not is irrelevant. Just like if someone with bipolar went into rage. An apology would still be warranted to other person.

Once you acknowledge his feelings, he would likely be more willing to acknowledge yours. You say you won't take responsibility for your actions because it was a mental illness. So why should he take responsibility for your mental illness? Why is he to blame for not recognizing PPD, especially PPD that doesn't have the usual symptoms?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's holding a grudge this long? Then he has a mental illness himself, probably OCD, maybe even PTSD! Regardless, he needs counseling at this point, better yet a few couples sessions to get beyond the anger.

No, I think he just honestly thinks I still owe him an apology.

Why don't you apologize and see what happens? Are you more interested in making the situation right or more interested in being right?

Because I don't think I have anything to apologize for.

I also suffered from horrible PPD but thankfully had a supportive DH. I still felt like I should apologize for things I said and did. Could I control certain Ways that I acted? No, the disease took over all normal functioning of my brain. But I still said and did things that hurt my husband and I regret it. ApOlogizing to him is acknowledgment that you hurt him. That's all he wants, for you to acknowledge that you hurt him without any qualifiers. Your DH sounds like a jerk, but I'm On his side with that thing.

The problem is, he doesn't want me to apologize for hurting him. He wants me to admit that I have some personality issues that made me a bitch, cunt, whatever your word of choice is, and apologize for being that.