my husband thinks I'm a bad mother
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Anonymous
| I'm almost about to leave him over it. I LOVE my baby but the practical aspects of parenting don't come naturally to me. Right now he's furious with me because I can't change a diaper without the baby crying. He's on the phone with MIL saying how awful I am and how he might as well do everything because I'm so bad at it. And how he doesn't understand why I have to do a diaper change while he's on the phone (it was a blow out). He complains that I'm awkward around the baby and don't know "basic" stuff. He tells me I don't love the baby enough because I don't want to quit my job. I just feel so alone and frankly, he makes me feel like I should leave the baby with him and disappear. Is this normal new dad behavior? It's ruining our marriage. |
Anonymous
| Was he always an asshole, or did this jackass behavior come on suddenly? |
Anonymous
| Since the baby. Although I've called him out on being a jackass and he said he wouldn't be if I didn't suck so much. Which sounds abusive, but I AM a terrible mother. |
Anonymous
|
Why do you think you're a terrible mother? Lots of babies cry during diaper changes, it doesn't mean you're doing it wrong. Doing it wrong would be letting a baby lay in poop from a blow-out because your husband is on the phone and will feel put-out if the baby starts crying.
He is being abusive, and I suspect you'd be feeling a lot more comfortable in your competence as a mother if he supported you rather than undermined you. |
Anonymous
He said I should have taken him somewhere else, knowing he would cry, but honestly, I didn't think I could without dripping ebf poo all over. He said HE could have done it. |
Anonymous
| Yup, he's a douche. Not just for the excessive criticism but also for complaining about you to his mother while you were in the room. He's like a stereotype of an asshole. And you are NOT a terrible mother. Most babies cry during diaper changes. |
Anonymous
| Most young babies cry during diaper changes. Your DH is an asshole |
Anonymous
| Really, he's so awful he must be crazy. You are not an awful mother. You're not abusing or neglecting your child. You're learning. Even if you do make a mistake, who doesn't? |
Anonymous
|
I feel for you, OP. How old is the baby? I know that I felt like I had no clue what I was doing with my first baby for some time. I had not been around babies a lot and was clueless about many things and constantly was flipping through baby books to figure out what I was supposed to do. I am sure if my husband had been berating me during that time, I would have felt awful. Try not to let him get to you - a lot of baby stuff does not come "naturally" to a lot of new moms. Why else would there be so many books/advice/quietist baby on the block kind of stuff? This must be so hard!
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Anonymous
| Is he foreign from a paternalistic culture? |
Anonymous
| Jesus Christ, OP, take that baby and get the fuck out now. Call you local DV agency to help you safety plan. All parent struggle with diaper blowouts, etc., and they don't verbally assault each other over it. Leave. |
Anonymous
| OP, where is "your" family in all of this? |
Anonymous
|
He is not foreign and neither of our families are local. My mom came when the baby was first born but hasn't been able to since.
I just don't know what to think of all this. He's accused me of being abusive, especially tonight. He said I'm keeping him from talking to his parents because I couldn't wait 20 minutes to change a diaper or do it in the other room. I just..that never crossed my mind. |
Anonymous
| I seriously think he's having a mental health problem. He wasn't like this before? |
Anonymous
| he sounds unhinged. You need to get out WITH the baby. |