My ILs don't listen

[Anonymous]

Op how old is she? Her memory may be going.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op how old is she? Her memory may be going.

It's not "she," it's "they." They are both 66. This was a speakerphone convo, and they never take in anything I tell them in shared conversations. It happens frequently and not just with me, but with my SILs spouse, too. They remember just fine when my DH and SIL talk about things. They remember money-related things just fine. But nothing personal or important about me.

[Anonymous]

You sound really sensitive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound really sensitive.

Yeah, guess I am sensitive about my mother's breast cancer. You've got me there.

[Anonymous]

Why do some DCUM posters always have to be jerks? Why?

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP...that has to sting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MILs doesn't listen either. She is not capable of listening and responding in an appropriate fashion. No matter what I tell them, no matter how personal, no matter how good or bad, she responds with a self-centered story about herself.

I'm sorry OP - it stinks.

Thanks...I'm sorry this is the case for you, too! ILs version of listening is "waiting for our turn to talk." I wouldn't mind so much if they didn't perceive me as quiet and stand-offish, when really I've just had to shut down to protect myself.

God yes, me too. Well, it's like this with my FIL and his wife. That is what I do too, shut down and not speak. There is no point. They do not listen and do not care. And if I ever do talk, they constantly interrupt. They are visiting now and I'm losing the will to live!

Hang in there, PP! Keep busy with as many chores/errands as possible, and go to bed early.

PP here. Snuck away to bed early on your advice! Need my rest to face the next six long days. Thanks for the solidarity/sympathy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound really sensitive.

Yeah, guess I am sensitive about my mother's breast cancer. You've got me there.

What did she say that was so wrong?
She questioned how much you know about breast cancer?

My mom died of stage 3b Breast cancer that later returned with mets to liver, lung and bone. I don't think I would be that offended.
She was just telling you it ran on that side of the family. Yes, her phrasing was poor. Move along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound really sensitive.

Yeah, guess I am sensitive about my mother's breast cancer. You've got me there.

What did she say that was so wrong?
She questioned how much you know about breast cancer?

My mom died of stage 3b Breast cancer that later returned with mets to liver, lung and bone. I don't think I would be that offended.
She was just telling you it ran on that side of the family. Yes, her phrasing was poor. Move along.

OP ignore this person. She clearly has reading comprehension problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound really sensitive.

Yeah, guess I am sensitive about my mother's breast cancer. You've got me there.

What did she say that was so wrong?
She questioned how much you know about breast cancer?

My mom died of stage 3b Breast cancer that later returned with mets to liver, lung and bone. I don't think I would be that offended.
She was just telling you it ran on that side of the family. Yes, her phrasing was poor. Move along.

I'm very sorry about your mother.

But did you actually read the thread? It's clear that OP had discussed her mother's breast cancer with her ILs, and they asked her if she knew anything about breast cancer. It had just come up in a conversation about their unborn grandchild's genetic screening.

Seriously, OP, sorry they ignore you/ point listen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound really sensitive.

Yeah, guess I am sensitive about my mother's breast cancer. You've got me there.

What did she say that was so wrong?
She questioned how much you know about breast cancer?

My mom died of stage 3b Breast cancer that later returned with mets to liver, lung and bone. I don't think I would be that offended.
She was just telling you it ran on that side of the family. Yes, her phrasing was poor. Move along.

I'm very sorry about your mother.

But did you actually read the thread? It's clear that OP had discussed her mother's breast cancer with her ILs, and they asked her if she knew anything about breast cancer. It had just come up in a conversation about their unborn grandchild's genetic screening.

Seriously, OP, sorry they ignore you/ point listen.

Well yeah I get that. Maybe it's because my MIL is a bit out to lunch but isn't malicious, I get it.
My MIL and I have spoken extensively about the fact that I don't speak to my mentally ill sister. I have one other sister I speak with. Yet, my MIL sometimes asks "how are your sisters?"- plural
I just move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MILs doesn't listen either. She is not capable of listening and responding in an appropriate fashion. No matter what I tell them, no matter how personal, no matter how good or bad, she responds with a self-centered story about herself.

I'm sorry OP - it stinks.

Thanks...I'm sorry this is the case for you, too! ILs version of listening is "waiting for our turn to talk." I wouldn't mind so much if they didn't perceive me as quiet and stand-offish, when really I've just had to shut down to protect myself.

God yes, me too. Well, it's like this with my FIL and his wife. That is what I do too, shut down and not speak. There is no point. They do not listen and do not care. And if I ever do talk, they constantly interrupt. They are visiting now and I'm losing the will to live!

Hang in there, PP! Keep busy with as many chores/errands as possible, and go to bed early.

PP here. Snuck away to bed early on your advice! Need my rest to face the next six long days. Thanks for the solidarity/sympathy!

Fake an illness, PP. The weather is on your side! Start for one day just coughing and unwrapping cough drops without actually saying anything about it...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MILs doesn't listen either. She is not capable of listening and responding in an appropriate fashion. No matter what I tell them, no matter how personal, no matter how good or bad, she responds with a self-centered story about herself.

I'm sorry OP - it stinks.

Thanks...I'm sorry this is the case for you, too! ILs version of listening is "waiting for our turn to talk." I wouldn't mind so much if they didn't perceive me as quiet and stand-offish, when really I've just had to shut down to protect myself.

God yes, me too. Well, it's like this with my FIL and his wife. That is what I do too, shut down and not speak. There is no point. They do not listen and do not care. And if I ever do talk, they constantly interrupt. They are visiting now and I'm losing the will to live!

Hang in there, PP! Keep busy with as many chores/errands as possible, and go to bed early.

PP here. Snuck away to bed early on your advice! Need my rest to face the next six long days. Thanks for the solidarity/sympathy!

Ah, I wish! It's my DD's seventh birthday tomorrow plus I just generally have to wait on them hand and foot. Them and my three kids! Actually, I can honestly say that my kids are more helpful and MUCH better listeners than their grandparents!

Just one week to get through! I'll make it! Your sympathy and commiseration have made me smile tonight though so thanks for that.

OP, I try to be grateful that they are alive and well and in our lives and good intentioned. And I am grateful for that. But it's still okay and normal to get frustrated. I'm with you.



Fake an illness, PP. The weather is on your side! Start for one day just coughing and unwrapping cough drops without actually saying anything about it...

[Anonymous]

Long runs before dark, retiring to bed after dark. Grocery runs, helping the kids to bed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MILs doesn't listen either. She is not capable of listening and responding in an appropriate fashion. No matter what I tell them, no matter how personal, no matter how good or bad, she responds with a self-centered story about herself.

I'm sorry OP - it stinks.

Thanks...I'm sorry this is the case for you, too! ILs version of listening is "waiting for our turn to talk." I wouldn't mind so much if they didn't perceive me as quiet and stand-offish, when really I've just had to shut down to protect myself.

OP and PP, giant group hug. Same deal with my ILs, too. I've also shut down to protect myself and therefore, I'm now uptight, controlling and stand-offish, according to my ILs. It's absolutely maddening and no, they won't change. Still, i find myself giving in a bit, sharing something I think is innocuous and then one of the ILs will say something that is so thoughtless or selfish that th cycle begins anew.

I recently shared a story with my ILs about my beloved grandfather - a dear man they met several times (including my wedding) and who died about ten years ago...ILs listened and then my FIL asked which grandpa I meant. Um, I only had the one as the other died before I was born. I've been married almost 18 years now...I somehow remember important details of ILs' lives, have heard the stories, met the extended families, attended their funerals, etc. at least feign some interest in me, ILs.