Question for Indian famiies

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your house closer?

No. We are a 3 hour drive away and my BILs live 1 hour away from my inlaws which is another reason that this bothers/baffles me so much.

Just ask them the next time they are there. "So, why do you like to spend more time here with us than with your other kids?"

That should clear up all your baffled/bothered thoughts.

[Anonymous]

Maybe they're tired of Indian food and like your cooking more!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your house closer?

No. We are a 3 hour drive away and my BILs live 1 hour away from my inlaws which is another reason that this bothers/baffles me so much.

Just ask them the next time they are there. "So, why do you like to spend more time here with us than with your other kids?"

That should clear up all your baffled/bothered thoughts.

You're clearly not Indian

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your house closer?

No. We are a 3 hour drive away and my BILs live 1 hour away from my inlaws which is another reason that this bothers/baffles me so much.

Just ask them the next time they are there. "So, why do you like to spend more time here with us than with your other kids?"

That should clear up all your baffled/bothered thoughts.

You're clearly not Indian

LOL! I agree that the reason they are staying with you probably doesn't have anything to do with the fact that they are Indian. However, using this question probably won't result in success because they are Indian.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your house closer?

No. We are a 3 hour drive away and my BILs live 1 hour away from my inlaws which is another reason that this bothers/baffles me so much.

Just ask them the next time they are there. "So, why do you like to spend more time here with us than with your other kids?"

That should clear up all your baffled/bothered thoughts.

You're clearly not Indian

Lol. I am.

I'm not saying to ask it in a harsh way, just bring it up over chai or something. I mean if something was really bothering me and ( there was no consensus on DCUM ), then yes I would ask my ILs, in a very nice way of course.

Like this, " We love that you visit us so much, X and Y must be a bit upset that you don't see them as much though. Why do you like spending more time here (add in whatever proper name you call you MIL). " Then refill the chai and add some more biscuits to the plate.

[Anonymous]

I did try something along those lines. I asked MIL how long its been since she saw BIL's kids knowing it was ages ago. When she said 2 months I lamented that it must be hard for her and she just agreed that it is hard for her.

I feel that the BILs get the freedom that white American get to do their own thing as a family, while I'm the one doing the extra cooking and cleaning to accomodate inlaw visits every couple of weeks. I getting fed up and have to find a way to stop this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did try something along those lines. I asked MIL how long its been since she saw BIL's kids knowing it was ages ago. When she said 2 months I lamented that it must be hard for her and she just agreed that it is hard for her.

I feel that the BILs get the freedom that white American get to do their own thing as a family, while I'm the one doing the extra cooking and cleaning to accomodate inlaw visits every couple of weeks. I getting fed up and have to find a way to stop this.

I'm not sure why you keep thinking this is a race/nationality divide thing. You are making it such.

If your ILs were white and came to your house more than another sibling's home you would still be lamenting on your "loss of freedom".

I hope your able to resolve your family problem of ILs visiting.

You asked for reasons why they may be coming to your house and I think this thread has served it's purpose.

[Anonymous]

I don't think this has anything to do with them being Indian, either.

-a Punjabi married to a South Indian.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did try something along those lines. I asked MIL how long its been since she saw BIL's kids knowing it was ages ago. When she said 2 months I lamented that it must be hard for her and she just agreed that it is hard for her.

I feel that the BILs get the freedom that white American get to do their own thing as a family, while I'm the one doing the extra cooking and cleaning to accomodate inlaw visits every couple of weeks. I getting fed up and have to find a way to stop this.

You can try slacking off with the cooking and cleaning when they visit and see if that will do the trick.

[Anonymous]

Did you ask your husband? What does he think?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think this has anything to do with them being Indian, either.

-a Punjabi married to a South Indian.

Could it be that in traditional North Indian culture, the oldest son is perceived as being the most responsible and is often the favored one, and that's why they choose to spend more time with him and his wife rather than the younger sons and their families?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think this has anything to do with them being Indian, either.

-a Punjabi married to a South Indian.

Could it be that in traditional North Indian culture, the oldest son is perceived as being the most responsible and is often the favored one, and that's why they choose to spend more time with him and his wife rather than the younger sons and their families?

Well North India spans a lot of very different regions. I'm North Indian and have not seen a specific and obvious preference for eldest sons vs other sons, especially one that would constitute more visitation. Preference for the more responsible son, Yes. But the more responsible is not always the oldest. Whether it's the case or not, it doesn't seem to fit with the OP's situation though.

It's seems very family specific and the OP seems to think it's more to do with the fact that they are Indian. You could take any situation and if there is minority involved it automatically becomes due to the minority, rather than the very generalized issue that her ILs visit too much.

Anyone could write, "my ILs visit too much, what should I do to stop it?" And get much more specific answers, rather than- "My ILs are Indian and visit too much, why is that?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for your response. The thing is a don't think they feel more comfortable with me because 1) i am not Indian and 2) I have historically had a very acrimonious relationship with my MIL, which is now at the point of me just avoiding her as much as possible in order to not start a fight. That's why I'm perplexed on why they don't go to their Indian DILs house more often.

Maybe they spend so much time with your family to keep an eye on you, since you are clearly the "bad DIL"

BTW, and I can't believe someone hasn't asked yet: what does your husband say on this subject?
Talk to your husband about the extra workload you (both of you, right?) shoulder because of these frequent visits, and discuss changing the schedule to once a month.

[Anonymous]

Maybe they had a falling out with their other sons that you don't know of?

[Anonymous]

OP here. My husband downplays the amount they visit us and claims that they also visit his brothers but I don't always here about it.

Regarding the domestic workload, part of the problem is that I've been a SAHM for the past few years and my husband has a job that requires very long hours. I'm stuck doing the brunt of the housework when his parents visit and spending time with his parents while he's at work until 8pm