Did your tomboy grow out of it? Or not?

[Anonymous]

I never grew out of it either. I'm 47. I'm old enough that there was still a lot of discrimination against women. I think that was part of it. Boys got to do more.

But when I did pretend play with friends, I wanted to be the boy or the dad. Never wanted to be a girl. Would rather dig tunnels for matchbox cars in dirt with the neighborhood boys than play barbies with the neighborhood girls.

I don't really think about gender much. I don't feel it's part of my identity with respect to inherent personality. I like having a female body and I'm straight. So I never thought twice about gender until recently, when it's been more in the news.

I am a staunch feminist in that all people have equal worth and should be given the opportunity to reach their individual full potential. I'd love to erase our cultural perceptions about sex/gender from that equation.

That's a long way of saying I don't feel a strong attachment to female gender in identity. Never did. Maybe your child doesn't either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, and I absolutely love my daughter for who she is. My brother-in-law is trans, I am bi, and we are a super queer- friendly household. (I am also not terribly gender conforming myself.) This has absolutely nothing to do with not adoring my quirky, funny, happy kid; we never try to force her to do, wear, or be anything other than what she wants.

That said, of course we wonder what the future brings (wouldn't you?). I'm just curious to hear more about others' experiences with raising gender non-conforming kids, if they did or didn't grow out of it, and how and when they made their decisions.

Oh, so you omit these little details from your original post? Interesting. Well, OP, as to the future, you'll reap what you sow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Oh, so you omit these little details from your original post? Interesting. Well, OP, as to the future, you'll reap what you sow.

Hush, please. The grown-ups are talking.

[Anonymous]

Angelina, is that you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Oh, so you omit these little details from your original post? Interesting. Well, OP, as to the future, you'll reap what you sow.

Hush, please. The grown-ups are talking.

Yes, but they are making no sense...

[Anonymous]

Another "tomboy" who begs you not to label her as a tomboy. Unless she indicates to you that she feels like she IS a boy, then she is a girl. All girl.

Disliking pink, not being into dresses, liking dinosaurs, enjoying playing with boys -- none of these makes a girl less of a girl. She's just a girl who likes blue or purple or red and jeans and dinosaurs and playing with boys.

I still hate dresses. I never wear makeup. I hate how heels feel. I enjoy jeans and Doc Martens and deep blue. I've never been into frilly stuff. But I am very much a woman. I birthed a baby and nursed him and I'm nurturing and warm and have never felt like I was a man trapped in a woman's body.

What I HAVE felt, though, is ostracized and *wrong* because I didn't conform to gender norms. I am not less of a woman, but I was made to feel weird because I wasn't into makeup and fashion and pink and all that crap.

For now, can't you just let your girl be your girl who likes other colors and cool toys?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I don't have any insight for you, but I just wanted to comment that I understand your question and where you're coming from. Raising a kid who is not gender conforming is going to have unique challenges, and of course you want to be as prepared as possible to be the best parent possible. No, you can't predict the future, but that doesn't mean you want to sit around and just be a bystander to your child's childhood.

I also think it's clear that you'll love and support your daughter, whoever she is or wants to be. Even though it shouldn't be, that's not something all kids are so lucky to have and I commend you for it.

Anyway, this isn't coming out as clearly or concisely as I'd hoped, but just wanted to offer a bit of support and compassion, as you seemed to be getting unfairly attacked for what I think is an understandable and compassionate question on your part.

This makes me so angry. OP's daughter just likes reptiles and dinosaurs and comfortable clothes. That doesn't mean she isn't gender conforming!!!!!

I was raised in the 1970's. I don't think I ever owned anything pink. I wore a lot of my older brothers' hand me downs because it was no big deal for a girl to wear Levi's and a blue t-shirt. We played with Legos and Fisher-Price Little People (Playskool people) and Tonka trucks and Barbie and Ken and GI Joes. Pretty much the only gendered stuff we had were the Barbies and the GI Joes, but we combined them all together, including our Evel Knievel doll. There weren't entire aisles of gendered toys back then. Toys were toys -- Hungry Hungry Hippos didn't come in pink for girls and blue for boys; it just was. When I look back at school pictures, the girls were often in dresses and boys in sweaters and pants, but they typically weren't pink "girly" dresses. We were all wearing the same colors.

The fact that manufacturers make almost everything in a girls (read: pink) version and then the "normal" (ie boys) version is setting up a false dichotomy. This is not GENDER, it's marketing. And a lot of smart girls are going to reject being marginalized. They don't want to play with pink legos; they want to play with regular legos. This doesn't make them BOYS. It makes them normal girls.

[Anonymous]

My dd is 12 and has been a tomboy since around 6 or so. I do not think she at all wants to be a boy. That's two completely separate issues. she is not trans .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

This makes me so angry. OP's daughter just likes reptiles and dinosaurs and comfortable clothes. That doesn't mean she isn't gender conforming!!!!!

Actually it's exactly what it means, unfortunately! Society interprets reptiles and dinosaurs and comfortable clothes as "boy".

What it doesn't mean is that she feels that she IS a boy. She might, but it doesn't sound like it from OP's posts. it sounds like she feels that she is a girl who likes "boy" things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Oh, so you omit these little details from your original post? Interesting. Well, OP, as to the future, you'll reap what you sow.

Hush, please. The grown-ups are talking.

Yes, but they are making no sense...

No? They're making perfect sense to me. Now hush.

[Anonymous]

I get it's annoying and looks unflattering but yeah for the most part the stage passes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Oh, so you omit these little details from your original post? Interesting. Well, OP, as to the future, you'll reap what you sow.

Hush, please. The grown-ups are talking.

Yes, but they are making no sense...

No? They're making perfect sense to me. Now hush.

Guessing op is a troll. Op decided later to add theses juicy details

[Anonymous]

I'm almost 30 and not a girly girl. I do wear dresses from time to time, but you won't catch me wearing make up and I love sports. most of my friends are male or females that like sports. Some women grow up to be more feminine than others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

This makes me so angry. OP's daughter just likes reptiles and dinosaurs and comfortable clothes. That doesn't mean she isn't gender conforming!!!!!

Actually it's exactly what it means, unfortunately! Society interprets reptiles and dinosaurs and comfortable clothes as "boy".

What it doesn't mean is that she feels that she IS a boy. She might, but it doesn't sound like it from OP's posts. it sounds like she feels that she is a girl who likes "boy" things.

One particular society in one particular geographic area at one particular time interprets reptiles and dinosaurs and comfortable clothes as "boy." I grew up in the 70s, and boys and girls alike wore overalls. Children's dress was not nearly as heavily gendered. Toys were not nearly as gendered as they are now. I had a full set of dinosaur figurines. I built toy swords in my dad's shop. Everyone played with Legos. No one suggested that my preference for pants over dresses and my brother's Tonka trucks and ThunderCats over Barbies and tea sets meant that I was possibly trans. They called me a tomboy and no one worried.

OP, at this point, it doesn't sound like your daughter is trans, given that she's not expressing a sense that she was born the "wrong" sex or is really a boy. Children at this age often have a very fluid and performative sense of gender. She may be trans, or a lesbian, or she may just be a girl who prefers "boy" things or who rejects our culture's view of what "girl" things are. Frankly, I don't blame her, since I never liked princess crap and the current princess culture/marketing juggernaut drives me bonkers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

One particular society in one particular geographic area at one particular time interprets reptiles and dinosaurs and comfortable clothes as "boy." I grew up in the 70s, and boys and girls alike wore overalls. Children's dress was not nearly as heavily gendered. Toys were not nearly as gendered as they are now. I had a full set of dinosaur figurines. I built toy swords in my dad's shop. Everyone played with Legos. No one suggested that my preference for pants over dresses and my brother's Tonka trucks and ThunderCats over Barbies and tea sets meant that I was possibly trans. They called me a tomboy and no one worried.

Yes. Specifically, the particular society in the particular geographic area at the particular time in which the girl lives. Gender is a social construction (good lord, I can't believe I'm actually typing that), and that is how this society, currently, constructs it. Unfortunately.