Did your tomboy grow out of it? Or not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD, age 3, WILL NOT, over her dead body, put on anything she deems "for girls," including girl's underpants. She rejects anything that might be a "girl's color," let alone skirts or, God forbid, dresses. This also extends to anything she perceives to be girl-y, including rainbows, unicorns, butterflies, and so on. Call her princess and she freaks the eff out. Instead, she loves dinosaurs, superheroes, bugs and anything reptile (she has about a zillion stuffed dinosaurs, but she cares for them the way many kids do with dolls--feeding them, dressing them, tucking them into bed, etc.). She talks about wanting to be a boy when she grows up, and often says she is "pretending to be a boy." When I ask her what it means to her to be a boy when she grows up, she says she wants to pee standing up.

Yes, she has an older brother (age 5), and she worships him. Anything he says or does is cool to her, and most of her life she's tagged along with him and his friends. For whatever reason, we didn't have much off a girls' peer group when she was younger, and even now that she's in preschool she generally prefers playing with boys, though she has friends who are girls, too.

At our last pediatrician's appointment, the doctor asked us if we'd be o.k. if she stays like this (i.e., is trans), and yes, we would be. But it wouldn't be our first choice for her, of course, and I do mourn a little over not getting to have a "girl" the way most parents do. For those of you who've had girls like this, did they outgrow it? If they didn't, when did you know?

Who said that she "is trans"? Did you? Did the pediatrician?

She says that she is pretending to be a boy. She likes stuffed dinosaurs. She plays with boys. She doesn't like dresses, unicorns, or butterflies. That doesn't make her "trans". That makes her a three-year-old girl who pretends to be a boy, likes stuffed dinosaurs, plays with boys, and doesn't like dresses, unicorns, or butterflies.

Here is an article about a five-year-old transgender boy (i.e., a child who was biologically a girl but identified as a boy) that you might find interesting: http://www.washingtonpost.com/local/transgender-at-five/2012/05/19/gIQABfFkbU_story.html

Agree with this completely. I was an inveterate tomboy as a child, much like yours. I'm still very much a woman, still don't like to wear dresses, and am now happily married with kids. Please hold off on labeling your daughter. And dont' push too hard, or she'll feel your disapproval more strongly than your love.

100% agree with this. She's a kid, period, full stop.

[Anonymous]

OP you're a good parent. There is a difference between pretending to be a boy and saying I am a boy. Just follow her lead.

[Anonymous]

I was the kind of tomboy you described. I had an older brother that I worshipped, and I very much wished I was a boy. I'm still probably what you would consider a tomboyish woman. I love to play sports, watch sports, and talk about sports, and I rarely wear dresses or make-up. But I'm happily married to a man, who very much appreciates who I am, and i have 3 kids (all boys). I have a lot of wonderful friends who are women, and I have a lot of wonderful friends who are men. Just let her be who she is, and don't worry about it too much. It will all work out just fine.

[Anonymous]

I was a tomboy. I liked playing with hot wheels! I preferred boy thing (sports and getting dirty) until my late 20s! One of the few times I wore a dress was highschool homecoming dance. My mom talked about that for years. I like being a woman and am attracted to men.

In my late 20s I was still into sports and athletic. Many of the uniforms (think catcher) cover you up so much you can't tell gender. I really wanted people to know who I was so if there was a pink catchers mit - I bought it. Purple Helmet was purchased. I am not sure if it was that companies just started making girl colors, but I jumped on the girly stuff for all the sports I played.

Now, whenever I can. I get all girly stuff! Pink phone cover, only dresses for work ect. I am in my early 40s now and you'd think I was always this girly.

You never know.

[Anonymous]

Well it sounds to me like she worships her brother. Trans ? She's 3! She will grow out of it especially once she gets to school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I never really grew out of it. FWIW, I'm a heterosexual cisgendered woman, but I just thought "girl stuff" was SO BORING (still do), and my brother and the neighborhood boys and I went and did stuff that was much more interesting to us.

+1

ME TOO.

[Anonymous]

When my DD was three she insisted she was a boy named James for about six months. Now, skirts & dolls everywhere (she's 7). Maybe shelve the trans discussion for a few years (like 10 or 15)?

[Anonymous]

Any updates on this ? My daughter sounds like yours OP

[Anonymous]

Our son (now) 9 grew up with our neighbor who was same from young age. In 4th grade now she is now officially a “he” at school and I think only a few people know biologically he is a she.
Very good at sports - but quit travel soccer as they would not let her play on male teams. Plays flag football is the biggest impact I have seen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you sound like a great mom who wants the best for her kid and because of that it sounds to me like you're trying to predict the future so you can prepare. But you can't. I'm not well-versed on trans development but my guess is that your child might or might not change. You'll just have to wait and see.

I know I wanted to be a boy when I was little -- but that was also the 50s and the 60s when being a girl absolutely sucked. I didn't really want to be a boy so much as I wanted to do the cool things that boys could do. I'm still something of a gender non-conformer today but I like being a woman now that I'm free to define that the way I want to.

And I know a number of trans people, most of whom seem pretty happy to me, especially if they live in a community that accepts them for who they are. If your kid is trans, thank goodness you live in a time when there's growing acceptance for trans people. Good luck!

Dar Williams sings about this in "When I Was A Boy":

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BE5YzRr9yPo

I'm bawling listening to this. Perfectly captures so much of what's wrong when we try to box up genders into neat confirming packages.

[Anonymous]

We are going through this exact same thing with my daughter. She is 5. She also worships her older brother.
This year I made the decision to stop arguing with her about what to wear, how to wear her hair, etc.. She wears her brother's clothes. She has short hair. Most people think she is a boy. I have noticed that now that I stop discussing these things with her she is much more relaxed, way more confident in herself and happier. It was causing so much stress on this little person to focus on these things.
She loves all sports and is good at them. I have focused on showing her that girls and boys can do all the same things. She would rather play on a boys team than a girls team.
I don't know what will happen in the future. She talks about wanting to be a boy, have male parts, etc. At this point, we are taking a wait and see approach. She is too little to make any decisions. Maybe she outgrows it, maybe she doesn't.
If you are looking for medical info, Children's National Medical has a wonderful program. We haven't used it yet (and 3 seems way too young), but it is available.