Did your tomboy grow out of it? Or not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Why not?" Please. Let's start with EVERYONE thought he was a girl.... Wouldn't happen in my house, I assure you.

So a girl can be a "tomboy" but a boy can't be a little fag- Is that your rationale?

[Anonymous]

I was a tomboy and grew out of it to a point. I still have mostly male friends and find it easier to bond with men. This is part of the reason i chose a highly technical career dominated by men and i love it. That said I am straight, married and have a child. I just never liked anything girly like dolls, skirts, long hair or anything pink. I also didnt like hanging out with girls cause it seemed they just wanted to play with dolls. I liked cars, legos and climbing trees. If i were you i wouldnt worry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

This is almost exactly what I was going to say. I've always felt like a girl, just not a particularly "girly" girl.

For what it's worth, my son chose to wear ponytails, nail polish, and sparkly jewelry when he was younger. His best friend growing up was a girl, and EVERYONE thought he was a girl, even when he was in "boy" clothes, doing "boy" things. Also (not that gender expression and sexuality necessarily correlate), many people thought he'd "end up" gay. Now he's a teenager with short hair, bland boy clothes, and a girlfriend. Who knew?

Sincerely curious: Why would you ever allow a little boy to do this?

Sincerely curious: Why not?

Another why not here too. Most little boys I know have worn nail polish at some point.

"Why not?" Please. Let's start with EVERYONE thought he was a girl.... Wouldn't happen in my house, I assure you.

Where I live, young boys with long hair, boys w nail polish, whatever is no big deal. I live in a professional, high income, creative neighborhood... Parents are general not terribly judgmental about that stuff here. It's nice. Because, honestly, let kids pursue their interests... Pink, sparkle, nail polish and all that is naturally intriguing for most kids, boys and girls alike.

I'm the PP with the sparkle- wearing boy. I came back to respond to "Why would you ever allow a little boy to do this?" but I see it's been taken care of.

I'm mystified by the "Wouldn't happen in my house" poster, though. As I said, people mistook ds for a girl even when he was short-haired, dressed in footballs and monster trucks, and running around with toy weapons. HOW exactly would you stop that from happening-- make the kid wear an "I'm a boy" sign at all times, or just use the magical power of your effeminophobia?

[Anonymous]

If you label your daughter (or your son) you are pretty much making it so they stay whatever you label them.

So don't label her a "tomboy" or "trans." Just have fun with her doing things she likes. Don't encourage her to use the boys restroom or "be a boy" either--she is actually a girl with girl parts. See what happens.

[Anonymous]

Why does it matter so much?

I was always a tomboy.. Running around with frogs in my pockets.

I'm a successful professional in a STEM field. And yes, I wear dresses. I love me a pretty pair of high heeled shoes. Am happily married (to a man if that matters). I don't think I really outgrew it. At the end of the day,m I'm still happiest in a Tyvek Suit and full face respirator, shaming all the boys because I'm "just a girl", doing what they're too squeamish to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm almost 30 and not a girly girl. I do wear dresses from time to time, but you won't catch me wearing make up and I love sports. most of my friends are male or females that like sports. Some women grow up to be more feminine than others.

+1 and I get really annoyed when I meet up with couple friends and the girls want to talk nonsense while the sports are on. I am always with the guys for that. Most of DH's friends say they envy him because my ideal date is jeans, beers and and going to a great ball game. I am the only girl on a fantasy football team. My cousins and I still tailgate when we can. That said, I love being a girl and I am not a dressy up girl but I do like wearing minimal make-up, getting my hair done, even pedicures. I hate lots of make-up, heels, glitter, trying to be too trendy/ditzy. Nail polish is a waste of time and I only wear diamond studs in my ears and my wedding/engagement band. I couldn't even tell you the last time I purchased jewelry or heels.

Growing up I just thought boys were cooler. Pretend play for girls was not that much fun. I rather be a pirate, a police officer, spy, cowgirl than wear princess gowns. Kickball, jailbreak, kick the can were my all time favs. I was lucky a lot of girls around me liked to play outside and get dirty too. It you gender associate, kids like yours will prefer being a boy. Don't associate her clothes and toys as "boy" things. They are "kid" things. Let her just be a kid. I wouldn't worry. Her big brother is really cool and pretending to crash matchbox cars is a lot more fun than cuddling with a pretend baby doll.

+1

Stop gender associating. We have chefs, nannies, hairstylists that are men. Many SAHD. We have women in auto racing, ice-hockey, engineering, pilots, etc... Why in the world in this day in age would you give a rats ass how a 3yr old dresses or what he/she plays with? Are they happy? Are they healthy? If yes, then just be happy and love what they love. Let them mold their own self - don't be their first bully. Don't take away their confidence, imagination, creativity. Embrace their little personalities. Just be a good parent. I am telling you, it is so much easier if you just stop worrying what others might think. The only person's opinion you should care about is your child's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why does it matter so much?

I was always a tomboy.. Running around with frogs in my pockets.

I'm a successful professional in a STEM field. And yes, I wear dresses. I love me a pretty pair of high heeled shoes. Am happily married (to a man if that matters). I don't think I really outgrew it. At the end of the day,m I'm still happiest in a Tyvek Suit and full face respirator, shaming all the boys because I'm "just a girl", doing what they're too squeamish to do.

You go girl!! My daughter goes to an all-girl's school and is doing a STEM program. You should consider talking to middle school kids. Showing them how awesome you are

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My neighbor & best friend growing up was like this. It continued through puberty, when she refused to wear a bra and would wear 2 shirts instead. She eventually came out as a lesbian, but not until her late 30s. Her parents are older and conservative. They do not approve of homosexuality and I'm sure would not have been understanding had she been trans. I'm sure things would have been different for her had she had different parents.

FWIW back when I was in junior high in the late 60s I wore two shirts instead of a bra and I am a straight woman. I just couldn't bear the idea of wearing a bra and this was back before I had heard that some women who called themselves feminists were rebelling against wearing bras. Ahhh, I remember back to that day in 8th grade when I first heard about feminism. I was so relieved to realize that there was nothing wrong with me!

[Anonymous]

My wife was (is) a tomboy; all male friends growing up, no nonsense persona. But she has a wicked lingerie and high heel collection and enjoys dressing up for nights out or just because. She buys $100 stockings one day then builds ikea shelves the next.

She is a smoking hot perfect combination and I'm insane for her.

Let your daughter be whatever she wants to be, someone will love her with all their heart.

[Anonymous]

My TB is in high school now. Never wore dresses/pink/purple or sparkles She now prefers clothes from Athleta or jeans/sweatshirt. Sometimes dresses edgy with leather jacket, cool leggings. I actually prefer this look to the belly shirt/off the shoulder shirt, booty shorts etc. that some of her friends wear. I also prefer it to the girlie look.

[Anonymous]

What kind of pediatrician would say -- would you be ok if your DD stays like this or becomes trans?! Am I the only one who thought that detail was odd? How in the world did your ped even figure out that your DD is a tomboy -- bc she had a dinosaur stuffed animal or bc she was wearing Thomas the Tank Engine underwear instead of Strawberry Shortcake?? Bc sure that wouldn't be the first time he's seen a girl in his exam room that wasn't wearing a pretty pink dress with a tiara??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, and I absolutely love my daughter for who she is. My brother-in-law is trans, I am bi, and we are a super queer- friendly household. (I am also not terribly gender conforming myself.) This has absolutely nothing to do with not adoring my quirky, funny, happy kid; we never try to force her to do, wear, or be anything other than what she wants.

That said, of course we wonder what the future brings (wouldn't you?). I'm just curious to hear more about others' experiences with raising gender non-conforming kids, if they did or didn't grow out of it, and how and when they made their decisions.

That's interesting.
Nature and nurture are at play here.
Just don't categorize her too early, OP.

[Anonymous]

My daughter (grown) had a kind of interesting trajectory. She went through an intense phase of tomboy-ness and then became a real girly girl. After that, it sort of mellowed and then in high school, she started wearing men's clothing, hanging out with boys, and generally adopting more masculine traits. She's lesbian, and I guess it must have to do with that, although I'm reluctant to suggest a direct cause and effect as it's so different for so many people. Your daughter sounds very cool, OP! Trust me, people have different interests. She'll figure it out. Honestly, as a little kid, what matters is that you're happy, not that you have your gender identity pinned down. My much older sister transitioned at 75, and she lived her life in the way she wanted until she decided to switch pronouns. She was never a different person and nobody really cared (although we are a pretty progressive household). You sound like a great parent, and I'd advise you to continue letting your child be herself.

[Anonymous]

i was like your daughter at 4, and by 5 had become a girly girl. The change was when I gained a baby girl cousin. I had an older brother and all my friends had been boys or boy cousins until then.

[Anonymous]

I was a tomboy, never liked dolls, wanted to wear my hair short, tried to pee standing, wore boys clothes, loved climbing, fighting, camping, fishing, playing with tiny cars... I remember wishing I was effectively a boy and wished to have a penis. I was so glad when people mistaken me for a boy! I used to cry when my mom made me wear skirts and dresses. I though myself as a boy until I was around 10. Than I started to feel attracted to boys and all of a sudden I was wearing skinny pants, growing my hair long, buying bikinis and summer dresses. In a few years (around 18) I was wearing make up and nail polish. I still love riding my bike, do all kinds of boyish activities, discussing science with the boys and computer games, I'm currently an airline pilot and I am really glad nobody gave me any hormone treatment thinking it'd be best for me, because the hormones that kicked in puberty made me who I am, a very happy and proud woman.