I thought we were mutually exclusive

[Anonymous]

He introduced me to his girlfriend around the month mark when I was at a family wedding. Then, again when I met his friends that same weekend. I just finally had sex with him this past Friday. We have done oral but he knew I wanted to wait until until I felt comfortable enough. I am mid-twenties and he is early-thirties.

[Anonymous]

Dating 8 weeks and finally you put out? He got tired of waiting and went to his FWB.

Next time dont' wait so much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dating 8 weeks and finally you put out? He got tired of waiting and went to his FWB.

Next time dont' wait so much.

Ew go away you MRA loser. No one is interested in your opinion on this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm OP. We have only slept together once. That was Friday night, then I found all this out yesterday morning. We went into this relationship with the " I'm not looking for someone who wants to date around" mantra. He told me in the beginning that he is seeking a serious relationship and is not interested in a woman who is looking to date around. I want the same thing. From then on it was more of a silent exclusivity.

I don't sleep around and that is exactly why I waited. Now I can't help but feel duped, especially since we just had sex. A part of me finds this so shady that he is in contact with other women yet is calling me his girlfriend. It's hurtful and confusing. Right now I am not talking to him but he is trying his best to get me to.

Wait - so you slept with him Friday night, and saw the messages to his FWB Saturday morning? How old was the message to his FWB? I understand when you saw it, but when did he actually send it? Was he trying to sleep with her after he slept with you, or was the message from weeks/a month ago, while you were dating but before he called you his girlfriend and had sex with you?

The message was sent last weekend. I was out of town visiting a friend. He went out with friends that Saturday night and then sent the message at 2AM. So he sent it last weekend. We got together that Tuesday and I didn't notice anything that was off.

Yeah, that's not so good. If the message had been from when you were dating a few weeks, but he hadn't referred to you as his girlfriend yet, that might be a different story. Also, emotionally for you, the timing of when you saw it couldn't have been worse. You're feeling all happy about the first-time sex, and then you see that? Ouch, that's rough.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he was drunk and falling into an old pattern and it probably meant absolutely nothing. Still, it doesn't bode well for your relationship because he has demonstrated that he is able to call you his girlfriend, yet compartmentalize you when you're out of town and pursue sex with someone else; actions speak louder than words.

At the same time, you've been together such a short time that on some level I can understand this happening; it's all so new and uncertain. But then he shouldn't have called you his girlfriend. At the very least he's immature and this is definitely a red flag. As you said, you don't know him well enough to know if this is a one-off or if you can trust him.
Especially if he is belittling your feelings.

[Anonymous]

PP again...also, how did you feel when he introduced you as his GF to his friends and family just one month out? Did it feel rushed at the time, or surprising, or just right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm OP. We have only slept together once. That was Friday night, then I found all this out yesterday morning. We went into this relationship with the " I'm not looking for someone who wants to date around" mantra. He told me in the beginning that he is seeking a serious relationship and is not interested in a woman who is looking to date around. I want the same thing. From then on it was more of a silent exclusivity.

I don't sleep around and that is exactly why I waited. Now I can't help but feel duped, especially since we just had sex. A part of me finds this so shady that he is in contact with other women yet is calling me his girlfriend. It's hurtful and confusing. Right now I am not talking to him but he is trying his best to get me to.

Cut the guy some slack -- it's not easy to fully shut off single life for a lot of men (and women, too)....

If he treats you in a sincere way from here, I'd give him a chance.

[Anonymous]

Nope. I wouldn't trust him or continue in the relationship. A "mistake" like this this early on probably means he's a habitual cheater.

[Anonymous]

Move on. Yes, you're hurt, but you'll get over it quickly. Eight weeks is not that long in the scheme of things.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, OP, but unless you are under 25 this is a huge red flag. You don't want to be on here being referred to "surviving infedility" in a few years.

[Anonymous]

I would drop him and move on. Life is too short to waste time on doubts.

[Anonymous]

Here's a secret, most guys wouldn't tell you until you are exclusive

[Anonymous]

OP ive been in a similar situation. I waited two months, had the exclusive talk (initiated by him) and one night (2+months in) and another woman showed up at his front door! He told her he was sick and she was bringing over snacks, etc. He was at neighbors, so it was just me at his place.

here's what I think....you weren't putting out (same w me), the guy is unsure where we were headed, kept some booty for drunk hookups. My guy didn't cut off ties, but didn't actually cheat.

Ffast forward to today : married 9 years, children, white picket fence. Most loyal and womderful husbandout there.

You are marriage material. He knows this. Let him know this should never happen again and cut off ties with all ex-fwb

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP ive been in a similar situation. I waited two months, had the exclusive talk (initiated by him) and one night (2+months in) and another woman showed up at his front door! He told her he was sick and she was bringing over snacks, etc. He was at neighbors, so it was just me at his place.

here's what I think....you weren't putting out (same w me), the guy is unsure where we were headed, kept some booty for drunk hookups. My guy didn't cut off ties, but didn't actually cheat.

Ffast forward to today : married 9 years, children, white picket fence. Most loyal and womderful husbandout there.

You are marriage material. He knows this. Let him know this should never happen again and cut off ties with all ex-fwb

This.

[Anonymous]

Marriage material is no better or no different than a drunk hook up friend with benefits. He didn't actually cheat? He was going to have sex one way or another. You women are in denial about your worth and importance. Are you Southerners, sorority sister types, who think that you are marriage material because you won't put out for an extra month longer than the sluts? Too funny.