Question for white, upper middle class moms

[Anonymous]

I'm curious about this too OP. The moms are always nice to me in a polite conversation small talk kind of way, but that's generally where it ends. They then gather kind in their own circle and I'm left wondering over somewhere else. This is usually at school pick-up. And also happens at soccer games.

They are not rude or mean at all, just not wanting to go beyond common pleasantries. It's not deep convo in their circles, just talking about school, sports, etc, so I'm always left wondering why they have to do it in a circle.

I was born and raised here, btw, so it's not like there is a language barrier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm curious about this too OP. The moms are always nice to me in a polite conversation small talk kind of way, but that's generally where it ends. They then gather kind in their own circle and I'm left wondering over somewhere else. This is usually at school pick-up. And also happens at soccer games.

They are not rude or mean at all, just not wanting to go beyond common pleasantries. It's not deep convo in their circles, just talking about school, sports, etc, so I'm always left wondering why they have to do it in a circle.

I was born and raised here, btw, so it's not like there is a language barrier.

this happens to white moms too - there are cliques unfortunately.

[Anonymous]

I am white and so is my DH, but we have an adopted Chinese-American daughter. It's funny, but I feel like I have noticed that moms of any other ethnicity (Asians, Indians [well, of course I know Indians *are* Asians), etc. seem to be a little more open to me, a little more interested in getting to know more than just on the surface as just a generic "other mom," b/c I have an Asian-American DD. Maybe that demonstrates, unconsciously, something to them? I just don't know. . . but it's something I've noticed. . .

[Anonymous]

I have virtually no mom friends. I don't care if you're purple polka-dotted, if you're fun, laid back, and want to explore the DC area with the kids (or just have a girl's night out), I'd be delighted to be your friend!

[Anonymous]

I'm half Caucasian, half Asian and grew up in lily white parts of Europe.

While I have been surprised at the vitriol aimed at Asians as a group on DCUM, I have never felt targeted in real life, in our neighborhood near downtown Bethesda. I know a lot of educated and wealthy international families (Japanese and Korean among them) living there who do not fit any stereotype. We socialize with everyone, and my good friends come from all over the world.

What I have noticed, however, is that I meet a great many stereotypically driven and academically aggressive Asian families in suburbs further away, say Germantown. I suspect the reason is socio-economical. For some reason, these people are mostly Chinese, but my experience does not constitute a valid statistical sample.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I'm half Caucasian, half Asian and grew up in lily white parts of Europe.

While I have been surprised at the vitriol aimed at Asians as a group on DCUM, I have never felt targeted in real life, in our neighborhood near downtown Bethesda. I know a lot of educated and wealthy international families (Japanese and Korean among them) living there who do not fit any stereotype. We socialize with everyone, and my good friends come from all over the world.

What I have noticed, however, is that I meet a great many stereotypically driven and academically aggressive Asian families in suburbs further away, say Germantown. I suspect the reason is socio-economical. For some reason, these people are mostly Chinese, but my experience does not constitute a valid statistical sample.

I'm white but had plenty of Asian friends growing up (not here unfortunately, I'd like more friends). I'm also puzzled by this. Who are these people who say these things about Asian Americans? I don't know any in real life.

[Anonymous]

Okay, I'll be honest. I'm not sure which vein of "Asian" you are, but here's what I see among many Chinese and Japanese families: they spoil the kids totally rotten and then when the kids go to school, the schools whip them into shape. The parents only enforce the tracks the schools lay down.

But by then, six years in, your kid has already pushed my kid, knocked my kid over, ripped things out of her hands, hit, kicked, etc. many times, and my kid is totally over yours. I am friendly for the most part with the parents of kids my kid is friends with.

What I described above is not across the board for ALL Asian parents, but the majority. It's hard for me to be friends with someone I don't respect, and it's hard for me to respect someone who won't discipline their child.

[Anonymous]

No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I'm half Caucasian, half Asian and grew up in lily white parts of Europe.

While I have been surprised at the vitriol aimed at Asians as a group on DCUM, I have never felt targeted in real life, in our neighborhood near downtown Bethesda. I know a lot of educated and wealthy international families (Japanese and Korean among them) living there who do not fit any stereotype. We socialize with everyone, and my good friends come from all over the world.

What I have noticed, however, is that I meet a great many stereotypically driven and academically aggressive Asian families in suburbs further away, say Germantown. I suspect the reason is socio-economical. For some reason, these people are mostly Chinese, but my experience does not constitute a valid statistical sample.

I'm white but had plenty of Asian friends growing up (not here unfortunately, I'd like more friends). I'm also puzzled by this. Who are these people who say these things about Asian Americans? I don't know any in real life.

Could be you do, but they are closeted.

[Anonymous]

It's just a tough area to make friends, OP. People tend to be overbooked, guarded, a bit judgmental, transient, and so often don't want to put much effort into making new friends.

If you live in an area with a lot of Asians, there's a small chance the white moms may be waiting for you to make more of the first moves, since they may have run into a number of Asian moms who mostly socialize and let their kids socialize with other Asians of the same heritage.

[Anonymous]

Not at all OP. I grew up in the Midwest too! I'm sorry you are finding this to be the case. I have had Asian heritage friends during all periods of my life and haven't really thought about it one way or the other until I read your post. One of my Asian friends who is a mom could be considered a tiger mom I guess, but honestly she's not much different than most moms in this area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay, I'll be honest. I'm not sure which vein of "Asian" you are, but here's what I see among many Chinese and Japanese families: they spoil the kids totally rotten and then when the kids go to school, the schools whip them into shape. The parents only enforce the tracks the schools lay down.

But by then, six years in, your kid has already pushed my kid, knocked my kid over, ripped things out of her hands, hit, kicked, etc. many times, and my kid is totally over yours. I am friendly for the most part with the parents of kids my kid is friends with.

What I described above is not across the board for ALL Asian parents, but the majority. It's hard for me to be friends with someone I don't respect, and it's hard for me to respect someone who won't discipline their child.

wow not my experience at all!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay, I'll be honest. I'm not sure which vein of "Asian" you are, but here's what I see among many Chinese and Japanese families: they spoil the kids totally rotten and then when the kids go to school, the schools whip them into shape. The parents only enforce the tracks the schools lay down.

But by then, six years in, your kid has already pushed my kid, knocked my kid over, ripped things out of her hands, hit, kicked, etc. many times, and my kid is totally over yours. I am friendly for the most part with the parents of kids my kid is friends with.

What I described above is not across the board for ALL Asian parents, but the majority. It's hard for me to be friends with someone I don't respect, and it's hard for me to respect someone who won't discipline their child.

I guess my parents must have been part of that minority who believed in disciplining their kids because by today's standards, they would have been viewed as abusing their children!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm curious about this too OP. The moms are always nice to me in a polite conversation small talk kind of way, but that's generally where it ends. They then gather kind in their own circle and I'm left wondering over somewhere else. This is usually at school pick-up. And also happens at soccer games.

They are not rude or mean at all, just not wanting to go beyond common pleasantries. It's not deep convo in their circles, just talking about school, sports, etc, so I'm always left wondering why they have to do it in a circle.

I was born and raised here, btw, so it's not like there is a language barrier.

This happens to me, too.

[Anonymous]

Honestly I think it's a pod of ignorant racists on here.

I grew up in a very mixed area in Canada and am very comfortable with Asian people. Hell, I married one. Don't let the craziness get in your head.