Question for white, upper middle class moms

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:White, Upper-Middle Class woman in Bethesda here.

I don't care about your race, ethnicity, religious beliefs or politics beliefs. If you're a nice person who I can have an intelligent and meaningful conversation with - I'm going to like you. period.

I think this is simplistic at best.

I'm sure you'd befriend the parents of many of my students who are very kind - yet never around b/c they're working two jobs to keep food on the table. I doubt you'll be having drinks together soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not at all - I'm Jewish....Jews / Asians often have a lot in common.

Glad we're not the only ones to have noticed this! DH is a korean immigrant and gets along like gangbusters with all my Jewish friends. There is a lot of similarity in their cultural backgrounds.

Like what?

[Anonymous]

No. One of my best friends is Asian-American. But in general, I don't make friends of any race or ethnicity that easily. I became friends with this particular woman because our sons were both super high energy and hard to handle, so we had something in common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:White, upper middle class mom here--if anything I'm attracted to Asians, because (stereotyping here, but the individuals I've met) have my work and education ethic. Actually, I don't think I'm attracted to them because they are Asian, but because those individual moms and I value similar things.

Just got off the phone with a very good friend of mine, and she's Chinese-born and raised. In the past when our kids went to the same school, some of the white moms would not include her in a recurring small mom's night gathering, but it was because it was organized by one mom who had trouble understanding her accent. I found myself uncomfortable that everyone liked her and she *should* have been there but for this organizing mom, so I stopped going. Actually, thinking about this, that organizing mom was Latina, but she was the Alpha of the group and the other (white) moms went along with it.

I have another friend who is American born, and our daughters have been best friends for years.

If my kids married Asian, I would be fine with that (as long as their families accepted my white kids)

I'm sorry OP you are having trouble. I will say that if your kids didn't start h/her current school in a "formation class" (usually PS or K) and transferred into a school, it's hard because people's dance cards are filled. The parents all make friends with their oldest child's class parents at time of school entry. I've had that trouble.

New poster and I'm a White upper middle class mom. I'm often snubbed by other White moms too. I work and I also push my kids academically / they play instruments/ aren't involved in sports and I find that my friends are other moms who do the same (regardless of race). I don't see it as a race thing at all. Unfortunately, there is a group of White upper middle class moms who are just terrible and entitled. Don't worry about not making friends with them- they don't like me either. You need to find your "tribe" and that's values not race.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'll throw this out there. I have a friend whose parents are from India. My friend has a name that is not common outside of India. It's not easy to spell, it's not easy to pronounce. She is a physician and thought having moved to a new area, she was having trouble feeling accepted. She asked for my advice so I was blunt with her. She needs to state upfront, right away, what she has in common - she was born and raised in Illinois.

People assume she is more foreign than she is. I wouldn't have given that advice (probably not too PC) but she asked. OP, find a very common aspect of your personal history and share this right away when you meet someone new.

won that be obvious to people who meet her the moment she speaks?

[Anonymous]

Why do you only care about being welcomed into the circle by white upper middle class moms? Aren't there other races - black, hispanic, indian, etc.??? You are sad.