Question for white, upper middle class moms

[Anonymous]

why the fascination with white moms?

I don't get it.

I am a white mom, btw, and I avoid many of them in 'hood b/c they're self-absorbed and snotty.

Now, having said that, the majority of my friends are white but far from snotty. And most of my friends of color don't have kids.

whatever, I say

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am white and so is my DH, but we have an adopted Chinese-American daughter. It's funny, but I feel like I have noticed that moms of any other ethnicity (Asians, Indians [well, of course I know Indians *are* Asians), etc. seem to be a little more open to me, a little more interested in getting to know more than just on the surface as just a generic "other mom," b/c I have an Asian-American DD. Maybe that demonstrates, unconsciously, something to them? I just don't know. . . but it's something I've noticed. . .

Makes you seem less like to be racist, more likely to be open minded.

[Anonymous]

OP what is wrong with your minority friends? Since you said that you have/met some. So what if you cannot befriend white women.

[Anonymous]

Not at all! My husband is non-white and therefore our child is mixed. Where do you live? There are lots of unfriendly people in this area, so you have to work harder sometimes to find the good ones. If you're from the Midwest, you're probably used to people being friendlier and nicer.

[Anonymous]

Not at all! My husband is non-white and therefore our child is mixed. Where do you live? There are lots of unfriendly people in this area, so you have to work harder sometimes to find the good ones. If you're from the Midwest, you're probably used to people being friendlier and nicer.

[Anonymous]

OP here. For the 3rd or 4th time, the vast majority in my area are UMC white moms. I'm happy to be friends with others and have had more luck
but there are really not many. And I'm still left out of most of the socializing. That is why I asked the question of that group. I wish people would read before they post.

[Anonymous]

I am AA, upper middle class and also from the Midwest. My kids last preschool was majority Asian followed by white. I found each group mainly kept to themselves. Everyone says hello and was pleasant at drop off and pickup and we would sometimes commiserate over things we relate to as parents or juggling it all as a working mom. Beyond that it was tough to break through. There were a few kids that my child was close to and the kids often asked us to do a play date...we would both say yes we should but it never happened. I get that people are busy and don't need more friends...I also don't have time to spend with the ones I already have either.
We are at a school now with a larger AA population and frankly it has still been difficult to break through with some people. I think it is just a DC area thing or something.

[Anonymous]

No issues being friends with Asian American people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am an Asian-American mom of ES kids. I was born in the Midwestern US. I had more non-Asian friends than Asian-American friends my entire life and married a non-Asian. Since being a mom, I feel really left out of the mom social scene, despite my best efforts to be involved. I always figured it was something about me as an individual but, on DCUM, I see there is a lot of negativity towards and stereotyping of Asians. I don't know if this is actually common in real life in the DC area. I am shocked by the attitude because part of what I like about this area is the diversity.

My question is whether you feel less comfortable befriending someone who is non-white, or specifically of Asian origin, than you do someone who is white.

This is an anonymous forum, so please be honest.

I'm a white mom. I have mostly minority mom friends. A function of living in Montgomery County. I make friends mostly where I live, where I work, and where my kids go to school. And I am a minority where I live. I will say my Asian friends were born here. I have not been able to become particularly close friends with East Asian moms who are also immigrants. I have not been successful arranging play dates, etc. That's been much easier for me with immigrant moms from other cultures. South Asian, African, Caribbean, Arab, French, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live in NWDC. I am mixed but look very white. My friends are all different races. My requirements for friends are:

You are laid back
You are smart enough to hold a great convo but also like low brow things too
You are not offended by drinking
You are not open about being religious

These things are hard to find. Most do not pass the first requirement.

Seriously? Some people around here get offended by this? Are they Mormon?

Drinking is fine. Getting sloshed is stupid and annoying. 30s and 40s are too old for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, your post sounds like, how can I get white women to be my friend? I wonder if the only friendships you would value are those of white people.

I don't get that impression. Maybe she's in Bethesda or something where most moms are white.

[Anonymous]

I haven't read all the intervening pages, but my answer to the OP's original question is that my experience would lead me to believe that it has nothing to do with your race. I live on Capitol Hill. My mom friends are white (like me) but also Asian, Indian, African-American, Hispanic, and quite a few mixed race people/couples. It may be that it is hard to make mom friends wherever you live for people of all races.

[Anonymous]

Not at all - I'm Jewish....Jews / Asians often have a lot in common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am AA, upper middle class and also from the Midwest. My kids last preschool was majority Asian followed by white. I found each group mainly kept to themselves. Everyone says hello and was pleasant at drop off and pickup and we would sometimes commiserate over things we relate to as parents or juggling it all as a working mom. Beyond that it was tough to break through. There were a few kids that my child was close to and the kids often asked us to do a play date...we would both say yes we should but it never happened. I get that people are busy and don't need more friends...I also don't have time to spend with the ones I already have either.
We are at a school now with a larger AA population and frankly it has still been difficult to break through with some people. I think it is just a DC area thing or something.

AA people are a lot more trustworthy than Asians, for the most part. I think OP may have shown she is not trustworthy. Just a guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, your post sounds like, how can I get white women to be my friend? I wonder if the only friendships you would value are those of white people.

READ the freaking post!!

It sounds like the OP lives in Bethesda or upper NW where THE VAST, VAST MAJORITY OF MOMS ARE WHITE.

I live in upper NW and I know 2 Asian families and about 200 white families.

OP is not being a racist. She is just trying to fit in to the community in which she lives.