Are my twins too close? (long, sorry)
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Anonymous
It's not trauma. It is change. |
Anonymous
| I have identical twin girls. They are not very close. Sure they love each other, but they don't seem to ever "need" each other. They spend more time with their older sibling then with each other. They are newly 3. They don't fight, share very well and do seem to help each other. I wish that they were a bit closer like your twins. I kept them in the same preschool class this year, but they will be separated in the 3s next year. It's good and healthy for them to make their own connections. Your twins will be fine - and do make sure that you actually stick to your guns and separate them for K. |
Anonymous
| pp here - I am a preschool teacher, so I have seen how difficult it is to have twins in the same classroom, especially as they get older. |
Anonymous
| I know identical twins in their 50s. They work together in the same field, and work for the same company in the same unit. They live together (never married), take vacation days together, work at home on the same days...They do dress differently but because they do everything else the same, they are interchangeable. I have b/g twins and see the lack of respect senior management has for these identical twins simply because they are so "identical". I think no one understands the relationship that identical twins have except for identical twins. However, looking down the road, allowing them to grow as individuals out of the home and allowing them to be together in the home seems like a good balance while still respecting their wishes. That said, my b/g twins are exactly like the PP's b/g twins - they do everything together and prefer it that way. |
Anonymous
Yes. OP Here. we try to be very careful of letting one handle specific skills for both. |
Anonymous
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Twin mom here with fraternal girls. Given the closeness you have described, putting them in separate classes for K could be too much separation for them at once. It isn't as if their entire sense of indepdence is created in K -- some of the previous posters need to get over themselves on that one. If you think they will truly be distressed in separate classes, why not keep them together and over the next year start having them do more things apart. See how it goes and consider separating them for first grade.
I have had many twin moms tell me their kids were in the same class all through elementary school and chose to take a few classes together all through high school. I asked each one about individuality and none seemed concerned. |
Anonymous
So you see why splitting them up will be critical - in a class of 20+ kids they will not be managed as carefully. Honestly what is the benefit of keeping them together? That they won't have to be alone for the first time and feel a bit uncomfortable? If you are concerned that they are too close, then you should absolutely not keep them together in school where they will be sure to fall back on that bond more than they do at home. They won't lose the depth of their relationship- only add a new facet of themselves as unique individuals. |
Anonymous
| I have identical twins who are super close. When they were babies, they slept in separate cribs, but when I put the cribs in different rooms, they cried and cried night after night until I finally decided to put them back in the same room - and they were happy sleepers again. When we put them in toddler beds and I would go to their room to check on them before going to sleep myself, they would be cuddled together in the same bed. In preschool, they wouldn't make any other friends. They wouldn't talk to other kids. I split them up in pre-K, and after 3 months they started making other friends. They hated being separated, but they needed to be their own people. They need to learn how to function without the other as their crutch. It sounds like your twins are too co-dependent, more than mine are/were. Some twins are fine in the same class, though. How are they in preschool? Do they separate from each other and play with different groups of friends at least some of the time? Have you talked to their preschool teacher to see what she says? If they are as co-dependent in school as you say they are at home, then yes, they will have problems in K. I would separate them now in preschool if you can, it's a much better time to practice being apart, rather than in Kindergarten when school is more serious. |
Anonymous
Why are they brats? Because they asked for eggs instead of oatmeal? |
Anonymous
| Op I have identical twins and I struggle with this. I'm not convinced about splitting them up. |
Anonymous
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Aw they sound so sweet! How amazing would it be to have someone so close in your life.
I think keep them together in kindergarten. It's a huge transition (at least it was for my child) and if things don't go well, re-evaluate in 1st, but at least they have had time to adjust to school without dealing with the separation anxiety too. |
Anonymous
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OP can't tell from your post, but if this is their first year of school i would keep them together. as twin mom of fraternal girls we have kept them together so far for two years (switched schools so thought it would be a good transition). I think for identicals it is much harder because teachers treat them as interchangeable or a unit (I already see teachers do that with my fraternals who are very different). But give it time. We found that just being around other kids more for a year or two started a natural evolution.
One thing that helped us also was being sure to do things separately with the individual kids, it helps them to develop their own interests that they can identify with, then they're differentiating because they want to, not because someone is forcing them to. |
Anonymous
OP here. I am not SURE if they're too close or not. The benefit of keeping them together is making school a place where they go happily. They are in some separate classes now. One is a little better at swim than the other. So while they go to the pool at the same time, they have different coaches. There was only one available slot in the ballet class I went to put them in, so one is in that, and the other is in a tap class two doors down with a 15 minute time differential. If DH needs to run an errand he will invite one often, and when the other asks to go I'll say "Oh, I need you to set the table," or something.They are in the same gymnastics class but often one will be in the bars group when the other's in the beam group and they each do socialize with the other little girls. They do drift towards different kids within the same groups. But they really distinctly do like being together. |
Anonymous
| I thought my twin girls are close but after reading OP maybe not. At 3yo one requested separate bedroom because her sister talks too much and she wants to go to sleep. At 4yo, they requested to be in different classrooms. When it time to go to K, they wanted to know if they can go to different schools. |
Anonymous
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Have you read this book? It has really helped us gain perspective. Being an identical twin is very intense - they were one embryo for a few days before they split! That still boggles my mind. Anyhow, this book addresses all of these issues:
One and the Same: My Life as an Identical Twin and What I've Learned About Everyone's Struggle to Be Singular by Abigail Pogrebin Link: http://amzn.com/B0085SC84U |