My parents hate me. Am I a traitor?

[Anonymous]

22:13 here, but starting to recant my first post. Whether your the victim or spoiled whiner- point is your relationship w/ your parents sucks. Move on and get on the adulthood. Really.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know any blue color workers who have 3 carat diamonds, luxury trips to Europe and Mercedes Benz. OP's post screams troll.

I agree. Most people who write about very personal events wait and respond quickly to replies - OP hasn't responded at all. This isn't a post and run type post..yet Op is absent...

[Anonymous]

Yep, I fell for the troll

[Anonymous]

OP, I think you have issues with boundaries. Even though you have loans I'd spend the money on a psychotherapist because emotional problems will cost you a lot more.

[Anonymous]

Well, if this is true, prepare yourself for when your parents come to you looking for financial support when they are old and out of money.

[Anonymous]

Look up the serenity prayer.

[Anonymous]

Your father is a narcissistic child and your mother is his enabler totally codependent on him. Hacking your email? No. No. No.

Ignore the people who are down on you and your accomplishments. It is great that you have made a happy life for yourself. Stop letting them shit all over it. Definitely separate from them as best as you can and get some psychotherapy to help with boundaries. They are abusive, self centered people who are only interested in using you when it's convenient to their story line (e.g:the endless drama with your Aunt). I agree that you ought to extricate yourself before they start demanding that you support them financially.

[Anonymous]

This is awful. I would think counseling would be very helpful to figure out how to best move forward.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry. Do not let these toxic people continue to influence your life--you need to go into therapy to sort this out and have some responses ready when they try to weasel your way back in to create more chaos; apparently they crave crisis and chaos in their lives.

FWIW, my son has never known either of my crazy, dysfunctional parents. It's just the way it has to to be.

[Anonymous]

Your parents are narcissists. They don't love your sisters and not you. They just are using your sisters to supply their narcissistic needs and using you to dump their bad feelings on.

This isn't your fault. There isn't anything you can do about it, except find a place of peace and shelter for yourself. Other people are going to call you names for saying bad things about your parents. Ignore them. They don't understand how abusive and destructive a relationship with a narcissist can be. They truly can't fathom a parent like your parents.

Therapy would help you if you find a therapist who understands narcissists. Therapists who don't get it will do more harm than good.

Some self-help reading would also help. Try these books (If you just read the first 3, you will help yourself a lot. They're not hard reading. ):

Toxic Parents
http://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Parents-Overcoming-Hurtful-Reclaiming/dp/0553381407/ref=pd_sim_b_1

The Everything Guide to Narcissistic Personality Disorder
http://www.amazon.com/Everything-Guide-Narcissistic-Personality-Disorder/dp/1440528810/ref=sr_1_14?ie=UTF8&qid=1371300036&sr=8-14&keywords=narcissism

The Myth of Self-Esteem
http://www.amazon.com/The-Myth-Self-esteem-Rational-Behavior/dp/1591023548/ref=sr_1_10?ie=UTF8&qid=1371300216&sr=8-10&keywords=albert+ellis

The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists
http://www.amazon.com/The-Wizard-Other-Narcissists-Relationship/dp/0972072837/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1371299903&sr=8-2&keywords=narcissism

Will I Ever Be Good Enough?
http://www.amazon.com/Will-Ever-Good-Enough-Narcissistic/dp/1439129436/ref=sr_1_12?ie=UTF8&qid=1371299944&sr=8-12&keywords=narcissism

Children of the Self-Absorbed
http://www.amazon.com/Children-Self-Absorbed-Grown-Ups-Getting-Narcissistic/dp/1572245611/ref=pd_rhf_ee_s_cp_1_Q90P?ie=UTF8&refRID=0257SBBF24ET674NQ90P

Emotional Blackmail
http://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Blackmail-People-Obligation-Manipulate/dp/0060928972/ref=sr_1_45?ie=UTF8&qid=1371300117&sr=8-45&keywords=narcissism

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your father is a narcissistic child and your mother is his enabler totally codependent on him. Hacking your email? No. No. No.

Ignore the people who are down on you and your accomplishments. It is great that you have made a happy life for yourself. Stop letting them shit all over it. Definitely separate from them as best as you can and get some psychotherapy to help with boundaries. They are abusive, self centered people who are only interested in using you[/b] when it's convenient to their story line (e.g:the endless drama with your Aunt). I agree that you ought to extricate yourself before they start demanding that you support them financially. [/quote


Completely agree with this poster. My college roomate had a similar situation. After she had her first child, she cut all contact with her toxic family.

She formed healthy relationships with other people. That was five years ago. Her family still hasn't changed, but she does associate with other extended family at non-holiday get togethers. She says it was the most empowering thing she ever did. Sometimes you just have to walk away.

[Anonymous]

Agree with the pp's that you need to focus on your husband and daughter. Others should stop worrying about the college fund/no college fund discrepancy. Perhaps op changed some of the details so as not to identify herself.

[Anonymous]

Freedom feels so much better than this. Holding onto this family is not being loyal, it's just a waste of energy. They don't "get" you? Their loss.

Move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"But they're both very good looking, willing to spend their money flaunting imaginary wealth (more like living paycheck to paycheck to afford the BMW and 3 carat diamond)"

"Living paycheck to paycheck". How did they manage to have college funds for you and your sister?

They didn't. Time to re-read, PP.

No, pp is right, she says they had a college fund for her and her sister. Even though she says they live paycheck to paycheck. People who work blue collar jobs and live paycheck to paycheck cannot waste their money AND save up college funds. This OP is iffy.

Wth, just because they live paycheck to paycheck, doesn't mean they couldn't put $100 a month aside for college, and then blow it for a European vacation.Saved about $12k over the years and blew it, sounds believable.Putting only $100 aside, is still called living from paycheck to paycheck.

[Anonymous]

Get away from them. I move to another continent even though my parents are nothing like yours, I don't need them to be in my business, nor do they want to.