My parents hate me. Am I a traitor?

Anonymous
Faux.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I don't know any blue color workers who have 3 carat diamonds, luxury trips to Europe and Mercedes Benz. OP's post screams troll.


Yes, there is just one too many things that the parents did wrong.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I don't know any blue color workers who have 3 carat diamonds, luxury trips to Europe and Mercedes Benz. OP's post screams troll.


Op here. To clear up confusion, many blue collar guys make excellent money, especially if they own their own business. Trust me, your plumber, ac repairman, and mechanic make a good living, especially if they don't live in an expensive area like here.

My parents started a college fund where a lot of others contributed money. Every birthday I was told my parents set money there as part of the present. Once we turned 18 they spent it all on that fancy trip, and this fancy car. No one in my family knows this, and I know for a fact he lied to those who contributed and said he paid for my college.

And you're right, I am glad to have gone to a state school for free (grad school Was definitely not!). It hurt at the time to turn down my dream school when my parents informed me that the money I was counting on had been spent by them for them.

So many of your comments are very kind and I appreciate them. I think youre right and need to cut my parents out enough to get some distance but not enough to start world war 3.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't know any blue color workers who have 3 carat diamonds, luxury trips to Europe and Mercedes Benz. OP's post screams troll.


Yes, there is just one too many things that the parents did wrong.


Op here again- it depresses me that you think I made this up because there are too many things you think my parents did wrong.

God. They are worse than I painted them, trust me. I havent told you some of the really bad stuff as they would be easily identifiable.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Your parents are narcissists. They don't love your sisters and not you. They just are using your sisters to supply their narcissistic needs and using you to dump their bad feelings on.

This isn't your fault. There isn't anything you can do about it, except find a place of peace and shelter for yourself. Other people are going to call you names for saying bad things about your parents. Ignore them. They don't understand how abusive and destructive a relationship with a narcissist can be. They truly can't fathom a parent like your parents.

Therapy would help you if you find a therapist who understands narcissists. Therapists who don't get it will do more harm than good.

Some self-help reading would also help. Try these books (If you just read the first 3, you will help yourself a lot. They're not hard reading. ):

Toxic Parents
http://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Parents-Overcomin...81407/ref=pd_sim_b_1

Thank you so much for this!

The Everything Guide to Narcissistic Personality Disorder
http://www.amazon.com/Everything-Guide-Narcis...&keywords=narcissism

The Myth of Self-Esteem
http://www.amazon.com/The-Myth-Self-esteem-Ra...eywords=albert+ellis

The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists
http://www.amazon.com/The-Wizard-Other-Narcis...&keywords=narcissism

Will I Ever Be Good Enough?
http://www.amazon.com/Will-Ever-Good-Enough-N...&keywords=narcissism

Children of the Self-Absorbed
http://www.amazon.com/Children-Self-Absorbed-...0257SBBF24ET674NQ90P

Emotional Blackmail
http://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Blackmail-Peo...&keywords=narcissism




Anonymous
I meant to say to the poster who suggested the books that I'm ordering them now. Thank you so much.
-OP
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Well, if this is true, prepare yourself for when your parents come to you looking for financial support when they are old and out of money.


Op here again. Sorry for all the responses, but with my daughter it's hard to get time on the computer.

I 100% agree with you. I've told my parents hundreds of times I will not and never will bail them out when they spend their last dime, and they just use this as yet another example of how horrible I am.

I should also mention that my parents have almost no friends or family left. Most people have just stopped talking to them because of how abusive they have become. They basically have my sister, who only moved out last year (nearly 30!). For years my mom said she couldn't make it on her own. Finally when she got married, her husband insisted that she move out (my parents wanted them to live with them and pay rent!!!).

But my question is still- was I wrong to continue to have a relationship with my aunt? I sent her Xmas cards and invited her to my wedding, but otherwise didn't speak to her. This was enough to blacklist me.

My husband got his dream job in the town where my aunt lives. My parents were furious with us for moving here as we would be close to my aunt. So they're not really talking to me now (except my dad sometimes). I'm so mad at them that I've decided it's okay to see my aunt. She's been so nice, and she apologized to me for any distance because she fell out with my parents. She even suggested she apologize to my parents for the falling out, but my parents insisted on written apologies for each of them, and a complete admission of wrong (which isn't even true!) and she balked at that.

I think reading toxic parents will help me a lot. Also probably therapy.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't know any blue color workers who have 3 carat diamonds, luxury trips to Europe and Mercedes Benz. OP's post screams troll.


Yes, there is just one too many things that the parents did wrong.


Why would someone take the time to write something so lengthy if it is fake? Also I like your elitist attitude - a blue collar worker can't make money? Please. Don't go on this forum just to be a dismissive jerk. People here are spilling their guts and pathetic people like you enjoy dismissing them as fake. YOU make me sick

Also OP, don't speak to your parents for a while. Don't start WW3 either - pretty sure they would love that. And don't listen to the sad jerks on this forum who dismiss your story. Is it sad that they go on here just to tell you it's fake? Yes. A lot of people hide behind the anonymous label to bully weaker people.

Listen to the good advice and ignore the sad and pathetic LOSERS.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Well, if this is true, prepare yourself for when your parents come to you looking for financial support when they are old and out of money.


Op here again. Sorry for all the responses, but with my daughter it's hard to get time on the computer.

I 100% agree with you. I've told my parents hundreds of times I will not and never will bail them out when they spend their last dime, and they just use this as yet another example of how horrible I am.

I should also mention that my parents have almost no friends or family left. Most people have just stopped talking to them because of how abusive they have become. They basically have my sister, who only moved out last year (nearly 30!). For years my mom said she couldn't make it on her own. Finally when she got married, her husband insisted that she move out (my parents wanted them to live with them and pay rent!!!).

But my question is still- was I wrong to continue to have a relationship with my aunt? I sent her Xmas cards and invited her to my wedding, but otherwise didn't speak to her. This was enough to blacklist me.

My husband got his dream job in the town where my aunt lives. My parents were furious with us for moving here as we would be close to my aunt. So they're not really talking to me now (except my dad sometimes). I'm so mad at them that I've decided it's okay to see my aunt. She's been so nice, and she apologized to me for any distance because she fell out with my parents. She even suggested she apologize to my parents for the falling out, but my parents insisted on written apologies for each of them, and a complete admission of wrong (which isn't even true!) and she balked at that.

I think reading toxic parents will help me a lot. Also probably therapy.


Your question here implies you need a lot of therapy and stat. If you really think appeasing toxic abusive people is right and not speaking to the people who treat you well is wrong, think of the message you are sending your kids. If you really can't critically think through the situation and figure out that speaking to your aunt is not wrong, you need to get into intensive therapy now, books are not enough. You likely have these massive gaps in critical thinking in other areas and that does not lead to healthy living or healthy parenting. the source of these gaps maybe your childhood but you are now an adult and need to resolve these issues.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Well, if this is true, prepare yourself for when your parents come to you looking for financial support when they are old and out of money.


Op here again. Sorry for all the responses, but with my daughter it's hard to get time on the computer.

I 100% agree with you. I've told my parents hundreds of times I will not and never will bail them out when they spend their last dime, and they just use this as yet another example of how horrible I am.

I should also mention that my parents have almost no friends or family left. Most people have just stopped talking to them because of how abusive they have become. They basically have my sister, who only moved out last year (nearly 30!). For years my mom said she couldn't make it on her own. Finally when she got married, her husband insisted that she move out (my parents wanted them to live with them and pay rent!!!).

But my question is still- was I wrong to continue to have a relationship with my aunt? I sent her Xmas cards and invited her to my wedding, but otherwise didn't speak to her. This was enough to blacklist me.

My husband got his dream job in the town where my aunt lives. My parents were furious with us for moving here as we would be close to my aunt. So they're not really talking to me now (except my dad sometimes). I'm so mad at them that I've decided it's okay to see my aunt. She's been so nice, and she apologized to me for any distance because she fell out with my parents. She even suggested she apologize to my parents for the falling out, but my parents insisted on written apologies for each of them, and a complete admission of wrong (which isn't even true!) and she balked at that.

I think reading toxic parents will help me a lot. Also probably therapy.


You were absolutely right to continue your relationship with your aunt. She sounds like a wonderful, positive support person in your life. You need people like that in your life. Please seek out a therapist who has expertise in family issues. The therapist can help you gain some perspective and figure out how to go about doing what I suspect you already know needs to be done.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
I rejected my dream school in favor of a state school where I had a full national merit scholarship because my parents had spent all the college funds on a mercedes benz and a luxury trip to Europe. Really.


Really. You got a free education instead of one that your parents had to pay for. Boo too.


+1. It was never your money OP.
Anonymous
OP, yes you should definitely continue a relationship with someone who supports you. No question. I think you need to realize that your parents will never be who you wish them to be, and that you don't need to seek further validation from them. Go for therapy.

(Also, my brother is in HVAC and makes $98K. Didn't go to college and doesn't own the business. I make a paltry $50K as a humanities major with 10 years.)
Anonymous
OP, I read your post with a sense of knowing and trepidation, because I come from a similar kind of family. I was fascinated by the people who thought you must be a troll - how nice it must be to think these sorts of dynamics do not really exist. You and I have been through many similar dramas. Hang in there.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
I rejected my dream school in favor of a state school where I had a full national merit scholarship because my parents had spent all the college funds on a mercedes benz and a luxury trip to Europe. Really.


Really. You got a free education instead of one that your parents had to pay for. Boo too.


+1. It was never your money OP.


Oh yes it was her money. If other relatives and loved ones put money in the account for her birthday gifts, etc., then it belonged to her. Why don't you actually read the thread before you just gratuitously slam someone who is here looking for help?
Anonymous
I would cut out the parents.
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