My parents hate me. Am I a traitor?

[Anonymous]

OP, the best thing I have ever dome was to cut off contact with my poisonous mother. It was not an easy thing to do because of societal norms about family. But she your family is dysfunctional, the rules can't apply. Your parents are adults. They are making choices about how to behave and you have the right to make your choices as well. Close the door on them and move forward. And talk to a therapist, it will help.

[Anonymous]

I divorced my parents for similar dysfunctions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can Jeff weigh in - is this a fake thread? The whole thing sounds so completely fake, it's ridiculous.

If not, everyone involved, including the OP, is nuts. Like I'm guessing that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree and I feel sorry for her own children who she will no doubt offer up as sacrificial lambs to these abusive psychos in the name of carrying on the family dysfunction. I get that people have terrible homes and crappy parents. But at what point do you actually grow up and take responsibility for your life? When you get married? When you have kids? When does the responsibility shift to you the individual for your own life?

And there is no mention of her husband here. Is he happy to go along with this madness? Presumably if he hasn't demanded a stop to this by now, he has his own issues. If not being an abuser himself. I just feel so sorry for your children.

OP here. Your post is pretty hurtful, but hopefully you're trying to help in your own way. I definitely agree it would be easy for me to imitate my parents which is why I'm trying hard not to. But I'm really nothing like them. I have my own nuttiness. And as for my spouse- he didn't write this, so I'm leaving him out of it too. Not sure what offends you here, but there is a lot of room on the Internet and you're definitely not stuck here. I do appreciate you comments on my daughter though.

She definitely doesn't need to be offered up like a sacrificial lamb to my parents. I don't know if you meant to help in your post, but it has reinforced my desire to keep it distant and cordial. She doesn't need to be exposed to them. You're 100% right. Thank you.

Now, you see, OP, what happened here? You read this post, which is from a cruel, judgmental, megabitch, and rationalized it...she must have been trying to be helpful in her own way...she is looking out for my child's well-being... In my experience, this is what happens when you've been forced to find a way to survive around seriously dysfunctional people all your life.

This is my third post here, I consider myself a kindred spirit of yours and I hope you know I am not in any way trying to be hurtful by pointing this out. I am so sorry you're going through this.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm going on the chance that your post is real. If not, then I hope my reply will help others.

My father was in a similar situation. He was a genius in his small town. Because it was the midwest, intelligence wasn't values but he got through. He went to college on a schollarship and eventually graduate school where he married my mother.

Fast forward, a couple decades and both my father and my mother are basically at the top of their fields, to the extent that they are presidents of international societies and regularly get flown to give speeches.

I love them for this, it's given me a lot to live up to. I went to an Ivy undergrad and Ivy Grad school emulating them. I work hard and hope to achieve what they did. I never forget the lessons they taught me about terrible parents and how they hurt children. I try to help my relatives whenever they are interested in education but, frankly, whenever I see them give up I just cut them off entirely. I have no time for blue-collar losers. Life it too short and Christmas is to crowded.

I would say don't worry. If you life a full life, it will fill up with meaningful people. I remember thanksgivings filled with people who were temporarily travelling through town and coudln't see their own family. On the other side I remember christmases on contintents all around the world. I wouldn't know half as many nobel-prize winers otherwise. I now love waiting in anticipation waiting to see which of my "family friends" will be honored in the fall. My parents gave me this gift. I hope you can give it to your children,

[Anonymous]

Your parents have personality disorders and you have significant trauma and brainwashing to overcome. Find a therapist who has experience with NPD to help you navigate pulling your parachute and getting out for good. No good can come of staying connected to them, unless you are going to continue to let them use you for their own selfish needs.
Disregard the criticism of others on this thread and run for your life.

http://theinvisiblescar.wordpress.com/2013/04/14/surviving-the-narcissistic-parent-acons-adult-children-of-narcissists/