Friends with little to no family, holiday edition

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, sounds like you're boasting, or bragging. What makes you so sure they aren't plenty happy? What makes you think they yearn to spend this time with you? Drop this assurance, you seem to have, that how you spend the holidays is what others wish for.

Be more genuine. That means, you will miss them and miss your interactions with them when you have the time. Reach out when both parties can enjoy being together, not ruled by a date on the calendar.

You sound very defensive. I didn’t see any evidence of boasting in the OP. People who work full time often have many year end priorities, and with the holidays, it can be very hectic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You prioritize them or you don't. We try to have at least a couple smaller gatherings include these friends around the holidays. My kids like it -- these are their aunties and uncles. We'll also do small gift exchanges (books or homemade items like pickles or a scarf). It doesn't have to be something big and over the top.

It's just part of our traditions at this point.

So obnoxious

NP. So if I choose to prioritize my friends who don’t happen to have family in January or in February rather than in December when my calendar is busy, I’m a bag of dirt? One of my friends is an accountant; do you think I expect her to have lots of free time in March or April? I work at a university—do you think I can just choose to fill my weekend social calendar during commencement weekend? If people are allowed to have busy professional lives, and save socializing for quieter times, why can’t the same understanding and grace be extended to those of us with large families?

Holiday season is family season, and that includes those close friends who treat you like family throughout the year. If you can push them over to January, you are sending a clear message that they are not priority like the rest of your family. If that is true, then it's fine. If they treat you like family, then yes, you are a bag of dirt.

Why don't you push your kids and extended family 's Christmas to December since hou are so busy?

And speaking of accountants, I work with them. And guess what? Those who have weekly religious holidays still respect them from January- April because priorities are priorities...

[Anonymous]

If this friend got sick or died tomorrow, how would you feel? My approach is to look at your calendar, find a few times in the next few weeks where you have 15 minutes and schedule a call with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You prioritize them or you don't. We try to have at least a couple smaller gatherings include these friends around the holidays. My kids like it -- these are their aunties and uncles. We'll also do small gift exchanges (books or homemade items like pickles or a scarf). It doesn't have to be something big and over the top.

It's just part of our traditions at this point.

So obnoxious

NP. So if I choose to prioritize my friends who don’t happen to have family in January or in February rather than in December when my calendar is busy, I’m a bag of dirt? One of my friends is an accountant; do you think I expect her to have lots of free time in March or April? I work at a university—do you think I can just choose to fill my weekend social calendar during commencement weekend? If people are allowed to have busy professional lives, and save socializing for quieter times, why can’t the same understanding and grace be extended to those of us with large families?

Holiday season is family season, and that includes those close friends who treat you like family throughout the year. If you can push them over to January, you are sending a clear message that they are not priority like the rest of your family. If that is true, then it's fine. If they treat you like family, then yes, you are a bag of dirt.

Why don't you push your kids and extended family 's Christmas to December since hou are so busy?

And speaking of accountants, I work with them. And guess what? Those who have weekly religious holidays still respect them from January- April because priorities are priorities...

Lucky for me I’m a Christian and celebrate the Twelve Days of Christmas, which end in January, eh? So I’m allowed to invite some of my friends who are single and don’t have family out for drinks the first weekend in January, and not be a horrible person. YAYYYY, I’m so glad I fulfilled the unrealistic expectation of a totally unreasonable Internet stranger!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a few friends who have little to no family, and I know this time of year is not easy. But I am so busy between work, work holiday events, kids, dh, extended family, getting ready for Xmas travel, etc.

It’s hard to have any extra time to catch up. Even a phone call is hard, as I’m exhausted by the end of the day.

You prioritize what is important to you. You are doing so many things that you don't necessarily have to do. So if you cannot somehow fit them in somewhere( even a call), they are not as important as you want to make it seem.

This is the answer…and it applies to everything in life. It’s the parent that somehow can make their kid’s every game at 3:30pm on a weekday, but is too “busy” to attend a parent teacher conference or go to the grocery store.

Somehow everyone has the time to do whatever they want to do…but little to no time for the things they just don’t find important or want to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a few friends who have little to no family, and I know this time of year is not easy. But I am so busy between work, work holiday events, kids, dh, extended family, getting ready for Xmas travel, etc.

It’s hard to have any extra time to catch up. Even a phone call is hard, as I’m exhausted by the end of the day.

You prioritize what is important to you. You are doing so many things that you don't necessarily have to do. So if you cannot somehow fit them in somewhere( even a call), they are not as important as you want to make it seem.

This is the answer…and it applies to everything in life. It’s the parent that somehow can make their kid’s every game at 3:30pm on a weekday, but is too “busy” to attend a parent teacher conference or go to the grocery store.

Somehow everyone has the time to do whatever they want to do…but little to no time for the things they just don’t find important or want to do.

You sound insane.

[Anonymous]

Take off your plate. Who ever said or acted like you need to check in on them? They’re fine, I assure you. Something feels a bit (unintentionally) off with the first message. Bit martyrish. Food banks need you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a caring person, OP, but remember that many people with "little to no family" still have busy lives, even during the holiday season. Maybe they too are exhausted at the end of the day.
People with no families can still have full and happy lives.

Honestly, this. Unless your friend specifically mentioned needing/wanting extra attention for the holidays, they're probably fine. Personally, as someone with "little to know family" (read: estranged from biofam but comfortable with chosen family, friends, etc.), I think it's awful how most of you run yourselves into the ground from mid-November to January, spending money and time you don't really even seem to have on people you don't really even seem to like.

Just because it's different doesn't mean it's bad or wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You prioritize them or you don't. We try to have at least a couple smaller gatherings include these friends around the holidays. My kids like it -- these are their aunties and uncles. We'll also do small gift exchanges (books or homemade items like pickles or a scarf). It doesn't have to be something big and over the top.

It's just part of our traditions at this point.

So obnoxious

No, what is obnoxious is posting here for the express purpose of getting people to say "it's ok."

I don't get why people act like the holidays just happen to them. You get to choose a lot of what you do. You choose to travel. You choose to load your kids' schedules up with events. You choose to arrange your life so there is not time for the friends. Why do you need someone to tell you it's fine? It's what you chose so it doesn't matter.

big this energy

A lot of people make themselves exhausted just to complain about how exhausted they are. Change your choices, change your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a few friends who have little to no family, and I know this time of year is not easy. But I am so busy between work, work holiday events, kids, dh, extended family, getting ready for Xmas travel, etc.

It’s hard to have any extra time to catch up. Even a phone call is hard, as I’m exhausted by the end of the day.

You prioritize what is important to you. You are doing so many things that you don't necessarily have to do. So if you cannot somehow fit them in somewhere( even a call), they are not as important as you want to make it seem.

This is the answer…and it applies to everything in life. It’s the parent that somehow can make their kid’s every game at 3:30pm on a weekday, but is too “busy” to attend a parent teacher conference or go to the grocery store.

Somehow everyone has the time to do whatever they want to do…but little to no time for the things they just don’t find important or want to do.

You sound insane.

DP and no, they don't, but you sound triggered af. Adults make choices, and get to be responsible for those choices. Time management is a skill we're expected to have, especially if we have kids. The holidays reveal the need for that skill, and who has it/who doesn't. Sorry that seems to hurt your feelings. Maybe you need better time management skills? It's not at all "insane" to suggest that sane people know how this works, even if you don't (yet).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take off your plate. Who ever said or acted like you need to check in on them? They’re fine, I assure you. Something feels a bit (unintentionally) off with the first message. Bit martyrish. Food banks need you.

Op here, checking in. What strange responses to read. I posted this because yes, these friends have reached out and one in particular seems miffed that I haven’t had time for her. Jeesh.

[Anonymous]

OP you might be surprised how little you matter wrt holiday-specific things to people outside your family.
Singles isolated small families...they have their own activities and aren't making grudge lists of Lara, Marla, Zarla who they expect special greetings from.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a caring person, OP, but remember that many people with "little to no family" still have busy lives, even during the holiday season. Maybe they too are exhausted at the end of the day.
People with no families can still have full and happy lives.

Honestly, this. Unless your friend specifically mentioned needing/wanting extra attention for the holidays, they're probably fine. Personally, as someone with "little to know family" (read: estranged from biofam but comfortable with chosen family, friends, etc.), I think it's awful how most of you run yourselves into the ground from mid-November to January, spending money and time you don't really even seem to have on people you don't really even seem to like.

Just because it's different doesn't mean it's bad or wrong.

Whoever said this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you might be surprised how little you matter wrt holiday-specific things to people outside your family.
Singles isolated small families...they have their own activities and aren't making grudge lists of Lara, Marla, Zarla who they expect special greetings from.

Why are you posting over and over with angry defensive posts? I know you say you’re not, but it’s rather clear…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, sounds like you're boasting, or bragging. What makes you so sure they aren't plenty happy? What makes you think they yearn to spend this time with you? Drop this assurance, you seem to have, that how you spend the holidays is what others wish for.

Be more genuine. That means, you will miss them and miss your interactions with them when you have the time. Reach out when both parties can enjoy being together, not ruled by a date on the calendar.

This.