Friends with little to no family, holiday edition

[Anonymous]

I have a few friends who have little to no family, and I know this time of year is not easy. But I am so busy between work, work holiday events, kids, dh, extended family, getting ready for Xmas travel, etc.

It’s hard to have any extra time to catch up. Even a phone call is hard, as I’m exhausted by the end of the day.

[Anonymous]

I have little to no family. I don't expect anyone to check in or catch up specifically because it's the holidays.

Take this off your plate. Really.

[Anonymous]

You prioritize them or you don't. We try to have at least a couple smaller gatherings include these friends around the holidays. My kids like it -- these are their aunties and uncles. We'll also do small gift exchanges (books or homemade items like pickles or a scarf). It doesn't have to be something big and over the top.

It's just part of our traditions at this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You prioritize them or you don't. We try to have at least a couple smaller gatherings include these friends around the holidays. My kids like it -- these are their aunties and uncles. We'll also do small gift exchanges (books or homemade items like pickles or a scarf). It doesn't have to be something big and over the top.

It's just part of our traditions at this point.

So obnoxious

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have little to no family. I don't expect anyone to check in or catch up specifically because it's the holidays.

Take this off your plate. Really.

Thank you. Although I have one friend who tends to be sensitive and offended easily. She had a huge rift with another friend and I recently found it was because the friend didn’t get back to her about something. Friend had 2 small children at the time, one of whom had medical issues.

[Anonymous]

OP, give what you can and that’s it. You can only do so much, and you sound kind but their loneliness isn’t your responsibility. I say this as someone with no family or friends near me. If you can invite them to do one thing or have one call, great. If you can’t, you can’t. This time of year is bonkers for many of us, and between kids, traveling, getting gifts, and work, those things alone are enough to stretch a person thin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You prioritize them or you don't. We try to have at least a couple smaller gatherings include these friends around the holidays. My kids like it -- these are their aunties and uncles. We'll also do small gift exchanges (books or homemade items like pickles or a scarf). It doesn't have to be something big and over the top.

It's just part of our traditions at this point.

So obnoxious

No, what is obnoxious is posting here for the express purpose of getting people to say "it's ok."

I don't get why people act like the holidays just happen to them. You get to choose a lot of what you do. You choose to travel. You choose to load your kids' schedules up with events. You choose to arrange your life so there is not time for the friends. Why do you need someone to tell you it's fine? It's what you chose so it doesn't matter.

[Anonymous]

You sound like a caring person, OP, but remember that many people with "little to no family" still have busy lives, even during the holiday season. Maybe they too are exhausted at the end of the day.
People with no families can still have full and happy lives.

[Anonymous]

We are part of the large international community in the DC area. Most of my friends and I don't have close relatives in the region. We organize Thanksgiving with friends, and since most of us do not return for Christmas to our native countries (it's an expensive time to travel), we either have Christmas/New Year as a nuclear family or get together with friends.

I think if you know someone is going to be completely alone for a Holiday, it's nice to invite them, or get them an invite somewhere. But if they're a couple, or a family with kids, or they join their parent or sibling, then you don't need to worry so much about them. I've spent Christmas very happily with my husband, plus kids as they arrived, since we came here 20 years ago.

I know some people have endless holiday parties to go to in December, but we're not that sort of people. We just have our neighbor's party, and that's quite enough for us. So please don't assume that because they're alone, they want to be invited to all sorts of get-togethers.

[Anonymous]

OP, sounds like you're boasting, or bragging. What makes you so sure they aren't plenty happy? What makes you think they yearn to spend this time with you? Drop this assurance, you seem to have, that how you spend the holidays is what others wish for.

Be more genuine. That means, you will miss them and miss your interactions with them when you have the time. Reach out when both parties can enjoy being together, not ruled by a date on the calendar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You prioritize them or you don't. We try to have at least a couple smaller gatherings include these friends around the holidays. My kids like it -- these are their aunties and uncles. We'll also do small gift exchanges (books or homemade items like pickles or a scarf). It doesn't have to be something big and over the top.

It's just part of our traditions at this point.

So obnoxious

NP. So if I choose to prioritize my friends who don’t happen to have family in January or in February rather than in December when my calendar is busy, I’m a bag of dirt? One of my friends is an accountant; do you think I expect her to have lots of free time in March or April? I work at a university—do you think I can just choose to fill my weekend social calendar during commencement weekend? If people are allowed to have busy professional lives, and save socializing for quieter times, why can’t the same understanding and grace be extended to those of us with large families?

[Anonymous]

Introduce them to each other.

Follow me for more relationship advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a few friends who have little to no family, and I know this time of year is not easy. But I am so busy between work, work holiday events, kids, dh, extended family, getting ready for Xmas travel, etc.

It’s hard to have any extra time to catch up. Even a phone call is hard, as I’m exhausted by the end of the day.

You prioritize what is important to you. You are doing so many things that you don't necessarily have to do. So if you cannot somehow fit them in somewhere( even a call), they are not as important as you want to make it seem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a few friends who have little to no family, and I know this time of year is not easy. But I am so busy between work, work holiday events, kids, dh, extended family, getting ready for Xmas travel, etc.

It’s hard to have any extra time to catch up. Even a phone call is hard, as I’m exhausted by the end of the day.

You prioritize what is important to you. You are doing so many things that you don't necessarily have to do. So if you cannot somehow fit them in somewhere( even a call), they are not as important as you want to make it seem.[/quote]

What a weird response

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have little to no family. I don't expect anyone to check in or catch up specifically because it's the holidays.

Take this off your plate. Really.

I am a little to no family person too and this one os spot on!

That said, if the errant Christmas cookie should fall in my direction . . .