20 yr old - Sophomore College Living Situation

[Anonymous]

Mom of a college freshman daughter. I want to give my daughter an education. I am very clear with both of us about what I will pay - tuition and fees, housing, food, costs relating to her sport and a weekly allowance to spend as she sees fit. I am not going to micromanage any part of her life - what she eats, where she sleeps, what she wears to practice, when she does her homework, or anything else.

So for me, my daughter was spending a lot of nights staying with a boyfriend would not change my decisions about what I’m going to pay for and I would continue paying her rent. And I wouldn’t have any heartburn about it.

Once she’s out of school I expect her to get a job and pay her own bills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You keep paying, because if the relationship turns abusive you want her to have a safe place to go. Tell her to get a part time job and that starting spring semester she needs to take over paying for utilities and parking.

This.
I would bring it to her attention. Don't just pretend everything is just fine. She's an adult.

Also, OP I think $1050 it's a lot. You should have her look for something more affordable instead.
She should move into a 4BR/$BA apt. with 3 other girls. Rent should be between $600-$750 for something like that, including parking.

[Anonymous]

You need to tell you’re not paying for an apartment for clothes and shoes.

The end.

[Anonymous]

OP, you know too much. First, get rid of location sharing on your phones - this is making you crazy.

Next year, you pay as you always would - but less. NO reason any college-age kid needs a 2 bathroom place. Two bedroom, two bath, that is extravagant. Pay less. A lesser place.

If they move in, in the future, it's on her not to waste any of your money on a commitment to two places. Since she hasn't mentioned, don't assume.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you know too much. First, get rid of location sharing on your phones - this is making you crazy.

Next year, you pay as you always would - but less. NO reason any college-age kid needs a 2 bathroom place. Two bedroom, two bath, that is extravagant. Pay less. A lesser place.

If they move in, in the future, it's on her not to waste any of your money on a commitment to two places. Since she hasn't mentioned, don't assume.

Agree with everything except of getting rid of her location... for safety purposes.

I have a son in College and we still share Life 360 and he's ok with it. He knows it's for my peace of mind while he's away or when he has to drive home.

[Anonymous]

Do what you want re: location sharing but those who don't do it think the negatives outweigh the positives. Just a personal choice.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the camp saying she should have her own apartment so she has a safe place and isn't dependent on this relationship for housing.

But, time to search for a more affordable apartment for next year and for her to have a part-time job to contribute to costs. When my kids moved off campus they found apartments that ended up costing less than living on campus. If they'd wanted a nicer place then they'd have been paying the difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh heck no! I would not pay all that money for her to be living with the boyfriend. Read the lease carefully usually there are fees but you can break the lease its often two months rent. You need to let her know you're not happy and she just moved in July?! You need to say something this is not cool on her end. At a minimum she needs to get a job and start paying 60-70% if shes not staying there see how she likes that.

+900000 you paying for her apartment and everything while shes at a boyfriend's nope! Talk to her today.

[Anonymous]

I think you have to figure out what you want. Do you want your daughter to move in with her boyfriend because that's more cost effective? That seems a bit crazy for a relationship that's gotten serious in the last... two months? I would say that's too risky for a 30 year old, never mind a college kid.

Do you want her to contribute to her living expenses? You were fine paying before the boyfriend came into the picture, so this (fair or not) is going to feel like punishment to her, or that you don't like her or approve of her actions. Risky gamble for your relationship. Possible to this if for next year with careful spin. "Now that you're a junior, you're getting older and more mature, and I think it's time you started working part time after class and contributing to your living expenses. That's pretty reasonable.

Do you want her to move to a worse apartment since she's not there very often? That seems short sighted. This is a college relationship - how are you going to feel a few months later when they break up and she's in a crappy apartment all the time.

The one option that is not available to you is for your daughter to spend less time at her boyfriend's house. If that's what you want - you need to bite your tongue HARD.

If you're just in a place of "this isn't what I pictured for her" - well, welcoming to parenting an adult. It only gets worse for here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mom of a college freshman daughter. I want to give my daughter an education. I am very clear with both of us about what I will pay - tuition and fees, housing, food, costs relating to her sport and a weekly allowance to spend as she sees fit. I am not going to micromanage any part of her life - what she eats, where she sleeps, what she wears to practice, when she does her homework, or anything else.

So for me, my daughter was spending a lot of nights staying with a boyfriend would not change my decisions about what I’m going to pay for and I would continue paying her rent. And I wouldn’t have any heartburn about it.

Once she’s out of school I expect her to get a job and pay her own bills.

This is a great attitude.

[Anonymous]

Mom of a college-aged DD with a BF.

We pay part of the expense for an apartment, up to the COA. She could have gotten a shared apartment with a friend for the amount we provide, but she wanted to live alone. She has a job and pays for the extra cost herself.

It sounds like your DD's BF is graduating. Will this problem go away next year?

My DD's BF graduated but visits extremely often because of the bad job market for recent grads. Its like we're paying rent for both of them. Not much we can do about it. We can't police her apartment. We would not allow her to officially live with a boy and would refuse to pay college funds for that.

Post-college BF visitation rules (when she comes back home to work) are expected to be annoying for all involved, but she wants to save money up.

[Anonymous]

BTDT exact same age and exact same situation. Option 1. Because they could break up anytime and she still needs her space and sometimes they needed a break from spending so much time together. They chose to live together Junior year and well, I’m not a prude. They’re still together talking marriage on and off but focused on careers for now.

[Anonymous]

I am the mom of a 20 year old sophomore.

I would keep the apartment or maybe find a cheaper one for next year. I would talk to my daughter about moving too fast and living together for convenience.

Too many people stay in bad relationships for too long because they live together and it's too hard to separate and deal with moving. Depending on her life goals, living together might not help her reach those goals.

[Anonymous]

It would annoy me, but I would not want her to get rid of the apartment at this point. If their relationship continues, maybe she gets a studio apartment that’s cheaper if she’s going to keep spending most of her time at the boyfriend’s place.

[Anonymous]

Why isn't she orking and paying her own rent? She could have worked all summer. Is she contributing to her own expenses?

How did she end up in such expensive housig for a college student? Most share with lots of roommates to save money.

If you aren't rich, this just seems excessive and she doesn't seem to have any concept of expenses or finances.