20 yr old - Sophomore College Living Situation

[Anonymous]

OP, have you actually TALKED to your DD about this? Of course you haven’t because you only know because you are basically snooping via Life360 or location sharing, and you know that this snooping is wrong and will hurt your relationship.

This is why this tracking is dangerous - before you do it with a 20+ year old, you better be prepared to be honest about why you do it and what you will do with the information once you discover it.

[Anonymous]

Do not pay for her to rent an apartment with her boyfriend. She needs her own place in case they break up and so she doesn't stay in a bad relationships so she needs the housing.

If she wants to live with her boyfriend, she needs to get a job and pay her half of the rent.

[Anonymous]

She needs to get decent grades and graduate to get a professional job. Insisting on her to take temporary retail job to pay off rent could derail educational plans. Think long term.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You keep paying, because if the relationship turns abusive you want her to have a safe place to go. Tell her to get a part time job and that starting spring semester she needs to take over paying for utilities and parking.

💯

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You keep paying, because if the relationship turns abusive you want her to have a safe place to go. Tell her to get a part time job and that starting spring semester she needs to take over paying for utilities and parking.

Excellent advice, I would do this as well.

[Anonymous]

how far away is the college? Would commuting from home be an option?


What is she thinking about next year? Should she find a new roommate, are there options for a less expensive apartment or smaller apartment?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You keep paying, because if the relationship turns abusive you want her to have a safe place to go. Tell her to get a part time job and that starting spring semester she needs to take over paying for utilities and parking.

Excellent advice, I would do this as well.

+1

[Anonymous]

I was in the opposite situation. My college apartment roommate spent all her time with her boyfriend so I had the apartment to myself 90% of the time. It was great.

That said, my parents expected me to pay for books and utilities. I’d start there.

[Anonymous]

I’d give her the money directly to pay for rent. Explain that she’ll get her current rent per month. If next lease is cheaper she’ll pocket the difference. I suspect she’ll suddenly find a small cheap inconvenient place to store her stuff.

[Anonymous]

I agree with everyone who says she needs a safe place to go if things go south with the boyfriend. That said, she either needs to contribute to her living expenses, or you move her to a cheaper apartment. My first apartment after I moved out of the dorms was a shit hole above a bar, but in a VERY nice, safe neighborhood. My parents paid the rent while I was in school, but I was able to afford it on my own during the summers I stayed in that city. Young people should not feel entitled to, or get used to having swanky apartments they can’t afford.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d give her the money directly to pay for rent. Explain that she’ll get her current rent per month. If next lease is cheaper she’ll pocket the difference. I suspect she’ll suddenly find a small cheap inconvenient place to store her stuff.

Some pretty bad advice overall in this thread, but this may be the worst.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d give her the money directly to pay for rent. Explain that she’ll get her current rent per month. If next lease is cheaper she’ll pocket the difference. I suspect she’ll suddenly find a small cheap inconvenient place to store her stuff.

Some pretty bad advice overall in this thread, but this may be the worst.

It’s exactly what I do with my kid.

[Anonymous]

You're all just plain nuts. Tracking your kids' every move on their phones with location sharing. Recommending keeping an apartment so the daughter can escape "abuse?" Seriously??? Over the top.

The bottom line is this: if OP can afford the apartment she can afford the apartment. Let the daughter live her life, and you live yours.

[Anonymous]

OP have you spoken with you daughter about this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hmmm. There are a lot of young adult children replying to this post.

OP here, please reply. I need to gauge my feelings against other moms with daughters in college, or against women who also lived with a college BF.

13:42 here. I’m not a young adult, I’m a GenX mom. I’ve been around the block enough to know that it’s important for a young woman to have her own space, even if she spends alot of time with a boyfriend. She becomes quite vulnerable if she has no place of her own to go. I’d never let a 20 year be reliant on a boyfriend for housing.

Another GenX mom to a college junior who is a boy. I wouldn’t want him to have his girlfriend moving in with him. He’s not dating anyone now, but was on/off with someone for 2 years. When they were on, it was intense. If she had officially moved in with him and then had no place to go when they broke up, it would have been an unnecessary burden on both of them to navigate. Relationships at that age have a high likelihood of not lasting. View this as a phase, OP. Don’t make her give up the apartment and if you do have her start paying, make it because it’s time she owned more financial responsibility or has time in her schedule to contribute money, not because she’s spending time at her boyfriend’s apartment.