20 yr old - Sophomore College Living Situation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You keep paying, because if the relationship turns abusive you want her to have a safe place to go. Tell her to get a part time job and that starting spring semester she needs to take over paying for utilities and parking.

THIS! My message to my DD! You do not give up your apartment!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:+1 - I'm also a gen x mom and would not leave my DD without a place to live besides her BF. That said, for next year, you can also suggest/advise/pay for a smaller apartment or less expensive if you think she might not live there very much.

This, my sister lived with a serious of boyfriends. She finally got her own place as each time they broke up (several year relationship but it took her a while to see they weren't marriage serious) and it was a pain. I'd pay regardless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hmmm. There are a lot of young adult children replying to this post.

OP here, please reply. I need to gauge my feelings against other moms with daughters in college, or against women who also lived with a college BF.

13:42 here. I’m not a young adult, I’m a GenX mom. I’ve been around the block enough to know that it’s important for a young woman to have her own space, even if she spends alot of time with a boyfriend. She becomes quite vulnerable if she has no place of her own to go. I’d never let a 20 year be reliant on a boyfriend for housing.

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:+1 - I'm also a gen x mom and would not leave my DD without a place to live besides her BF. That said, for next year, you can also suggest/advise/pay for a smaller apartment or less expensive if you think she might not live there very much.

+1 it’s unfortunate for your pocketbook, but I think you have to provide your kid a space that’s not the boyfriend’s place.

+1 pretend it's back in our day and you don't know

My husband pays so little attention to Life360, he didn't know our kid was doing this and has since broken up!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why isn't she orking and paying her own rent? She could have worked all summer. Is she contributing to her own expenses?

How did she end up in such expensive housig for a college student? Most share with lots of roommates to save money.

If you aren't rich, this just seems excessive and she doesn't seem to have any concept of expenses or finances.

DP

We believe room and board are part of college expenses we expect to pay (and we can afford). This rent actually sounds pretty reasonable given what I have heard in comparison. I think we are roughly $1200 with rent, utilities and parking at a SEC school, and that's pretty good in that town. I have heard $1200-1500 at other SECs. The other thing is the rental companies (apartments for sure) run a bit of a racket. They do not split one big "apartment rent", they charge per person.

[Anonymous]

What if she broke up with the boyfriend tomorrow and started spending all her time in the library studying? Would you still resent the rent and suggest she just move into a library stack? Or want her to stay home more to justify what you are paying? That’s not how a home works. She needs a place that’s hers, whether she needs it 1 day a month or 30.

[Anonymous]

This relationship could end next week, of course she needs the apartment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hmmm. There are a lot of young adult children replying to this post.

OP here, please reply. I need to gauge my feelings against other moms with daughters in college, or against women who also lived with a college BF.

Gen X mom here , she needs to chip in something , even if it’s half the light and while I certainly wouldn’t give up the apartment because she needs to have a place of her own, she needs a deeper understanding of the sacrifices you all are making for her to have something that she does not use.

[Anonymous]

You need to be honest with her. Leave the BF out of it, but say the cost each month is just too much.

Tell her she needs to find a PT job and starting on X date she needs to pay for parking utilities, whatever, and that next year she needs to find a cheaper place as you only will be spending X on rent.

She can live with more people and share one bathroom. There is no reason she needs a 2 bed/2 bath.

You can tell her if she wants to pay for a fancier place she needs to get a job. She needs to learn about budgeting before she graduates!

I have younger cousins who just graduated college and they know nothing because their parents paid for EVERYTHING and they are living way beyond their means after they graduated.

I lived in a cramped and not great 4 bedroom 1 bathroom apartment in Boston when I was an undergrad. I paid the rent myself. It was a learning experience.

[Anonymous]

This is not tough

She keeps the apartment.
If it was too expensive you should have told her before she signed a lease.

She can get a part time job to help but shut up about the BF.

[Anonymous]

Your DD’s roommate is the lucky one.

[Anonymous]

OP - I agree you keep her apartment but consider a lesser priced place next year. It us yine DD had a buyin to her lifestyle. She could make $20 as a sitter for local families according to her schedule. There is no reason to be giving her a weekly allowance as she should be covering expenses from summer earnings or a part-time. You need to sit her down and come up with a budget for the spring semester to see what she will take on.
She needs to learn how to fit a job into her princess lifestyle at college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You keep paying, because if the relationship turns abusive you want her to have a safe place to go. Tell her to get a part time job and that starting spring semester she needs to take over paying for utilities and parking.

This.
I would bring it to her attention. Don't just pretend everything is just fine. She's an adult.

Also, OP I think $1050 it's a lot. You should have her look for something more affordable instead.
She should move into a 4BR/$BA apt. with 3 other girls. Rent should be between $600-$750 for something like that, including parking.

Prices vary based on where your kid is in college. Neither of my kids could pay only $600/month and be in a safe area and adequate apartment. And parking would be $100+ more per month. $900-1000 is normal for where both my kids are. One paid $850 and it was a house that was 140years old and the utility bills in the winter were $600-700/month (spread 3 ways), and it's a 3 bed 1 bath (and my kid's room was as wide as a Twin bed (not a Twin XL, that wouldn't have fit ). parking was $150/month more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would think she’s too young to be officially living with some guy. If she gave up her apartment, she’d have no alternative place to go if something happened to their relationship. That’s way too much pressure on a twenty year old.

+1

[Anonymous]

Definitely keep her apartment. If too expensive, as her to find part time work to kick in or a more reasonable place next year.

If I was the DDs roommate, I would be delighted to essentially have their own place.

I went to the same school as my now wife and probably spent 90% of my time at her place. She had a single in her sorority her junior year and then a small single apartment her senior year and that's where I was most nights.

Good luck.