Options for dead bedroom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If couples therapy and divorce are excluded. What do people do? Do they justify cheating or not yet?

There's no such thing as "justified cheating". Decent people never cheat. They either discuss open marriage with their spouse and come to a mutual agreement on terms, or they divorce.

Similarly, there is no amount of time without sex that justifies cheating to a person who doesn't cheat, and a cheater will use any length of time, or even none at all.

So your ethical options are: tough it out, open the marriage/consensual non-monogamy, or divorce (which you say is excluded). You could also be a low-integrity POS person and cheat, in which case, there's no circumstance or set of circumstances that justify that behavior. Just go cheat, if that's who you are.

Trapping a spouse in a dead bedroom marriage is more immoral than cheating.

Unless they've literally trapped you, cuffed you, caged you, etc., acting like a victim is just another part of your low-integrity bullshit. You're not stuck. You're an adult. You may have to make some hard choices, go without some of the things that are still good in your marriage, downgrade your life, etc. but you're not "trapped". Quit whining.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If couples therapy and divorce are excluded. What do people do? Do they justify cheating or not yet?

There's no such thing as "justified cheating". Decent people never cheat. They either discuss open marriage with their spouse and come to a mutual agreement on terms, or they divorce.

Similarly, there is no amount of time without sex that justifies cheating to a person who doesn't cheat, and a cheater will use any length of time, or even none at all.

So your ethical options are: tough it out, open the marriage/consensual non-monogamy, or divorce (which you say is excluded). You could also be a low-integrity POS person and cheat, in which case, there's no circumstance or set of circumstances that justify that behavior. Just go cheat, if that's who you are.

Trapping a spouse in a dead bedroom marriage is more immoral than cheating.

Unless they've literally trapped you, cuffed you, caged you, etc., acting like a victim is just another part of your low-integrity bullshit. You're not stuck. You're an adult. You may have to make some hard choices, go without some of the things that are still good in your marriage, downgrade your life, etc. but you're not "trapped". Quit whining.

NP.

I disagree. “Trapped” is an accurate description for a spouse with integrity.

I do respect the fact there are a bunch of poly-amorous / open marriage people in this sub-forum. My ask is:

- can you respect the people who don’t think exactly the way you do? Many of us oppose divorce in our own marriages and we plan to abide by marital fidelity (for a variety of reasons).

Please stop being so dismissive of others, PP.

[Anonymous]

Spouse who wants it gets to get it elsewhere if divorce is not an option. It is unreasonable to involuntarily thrust celibacy onto a partner and expect them to be happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If couples therapy and divorce are excluded. What do people do? Do they justify cheating or not yet?

There's no such thing as "justified cheating". Decent people never cheat. They either discuss open marriage with their spouse and come to a mutual agreement on terms, or they divorce.

Similarly, there is no amount of time without sex that justifies cheating to a person who doesn't cheat, and a cheater will use any length of time, or even none at all.

So your ethical options are: tough it out, open the marriage/consensual non-monogamy, or divorce (which you say is excluded). You could also be a low-integrity POS person and cheat, in which case, there's no circumstance or set of circumstances that justify that behavior. Just go cheat, if that's who you are.

Trapping a spouse in a dead bedroom marriage is more immoral than cheating.

Unless they've literally trapped you, cuffed you, caged you, etc., acting like a victim is just another part of your low-integrity bullshit. You're not stuck. You're an adult. You may have to make some hard choices, go without some of the things that are still good in your marriage, downgrade your life, etc. but you're not "trapped". Quit whining.

NP.

I disagree. “Trapped” is an accurate description for a spouse with integrity.

I do respect the fact there are a bunch of poly-amorous / open marriage people in this sub-forum. My ask is:

- can you respect the people who don’t think exactly the way you do? Many of us oppose divorce in our own marriages and we plan to abide by marital fidelity (for a variety of reasons).

Please stop being so dismissive of others, PP.

I will 100% continue being dismissive of jerks who justify cheating. They are not trapped into cheating, this is a choice, and a shite one. If you oppose divorce and abide by marital fidelity, then you're not cheating and I'm not talking to you, so don't make it about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Spouse who wants it gets to get it elsewhere if divorce is not an option. It is unreasonable to involuntarily thrust celibacy onto a partner and expect them to be happy.

that's not how vows work, clownshoes.

Divorce is an option. It may be an option that costs you, and you may not like that option, but it's an option. Better to take a financial/lifestyle hit than compromise your integrity being a cheating POS.

If you and your spouse can't agree to open the marriage, then your options are "suck it up" or "leave", unless you want to choose "throw my integrity in the toilet and go cheat" which is also a choice you could make.

[Anonymous]

Divorce or Suffer in silence

[Anonymous]

Umm there are other options you know. Please

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spouse who wants it gets to get it elsewhere if divorce is not an option. It is unreasonable to involuntarily thrust celibacy onto a partner and expect them to be happy.

that's not how vows work, clownshoes.

Divorce is an option. It may be an option that costs you, and you may not like that option, but it's an option. Better to take a financial/lifestyle hit than compromise your integrity being a cheating POS.

If you and your spouse can't agree to open the marriage, then your options are "suck it up" or "leave", unless you want to choose "throw my integrity in the toilet and go cheat" which is also a choice you could make.

The “clownshoes” is the one who said divorce is not an option. These are the workarounds.

[Anonymous]

Divorce is always an option

Cheating is not an option if you want to keep your integrity.

[Anonymous]

Divorce or open marriage/consensual nonmonogamy. Cheaters are weak, lacking integrity, and they are liars.

[Anonymous]

But toys and use porn?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Divorce or open marriage/consensual nonmonogamy. Cheaters are weak, lacking integrity, and they are liars.

The partner has consented to nonmonogamy through their actions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorce or open marriage/consensual nonmonogamy. Cheaters are weak, lacking integrity, and they are liars.

The partner has consented to nonmonogamy through their actions.

Revenge adultery isn't consensual nonmonogamy. Not having sex with someone isn't consent to cheat. What an asinine thing to say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But toys and use porn?

This. Nobody's dying from lack of sex. It may not be what you want, but you'll live long enough to get a divorce and go fsck someone new. In the interim, get yourself off and keep your integrity where it should be. Have some self-respect!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Define dead bedroom.
Some people here say once a week is dead bedroom.

NP.

The consensus among therapists is fewer than 12 instances of coitus over a continuous 12-month period = a sexless marriage.

Pretty normal after a certain age.