Options for dead bedroom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Old person sex is revolting anyway. If you are over 45, no one wants to see you naked anyway and it’s probably time to just hang it up. And don’t act like as some 50 year old wrinkled bag of bones that you can go out and get some hot action easily.

That's true for women, but men can still get some until 50 or 60.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Old person sex is revolting anyway. If you are over 45, no one wants to see you naked anyway and it’s probably time to just hang it up. And don’t act like as some 50 year old wrinkled bag of bones that you can go out and get some hot action easily.

That's true for women, but men can still get some until 50 or 60.

60? Lol. Maybe with other 60-somethings. That's old, grandpa age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Old person sex is revolting anyway. If you are over 45, no one wants to see you naked anyway and it’s probably time to just hang it up. And don’t act like as some 50 year old wrinkled bag of bones that you can go out and get some hot action easily.

That's true for women, but men can still get some until 50 or 60.

LOL
signed,
51 year old with 40 year old BF who is smokin’ hot

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Old person sex is revolting anyway. If you are over 45, no one wants to see you naked anyway and it’s probably time to just hang it up. And don’t act like as some 50 year old wrinkled bag of bones that you can go out and get some hot action easily.

That's true for women, but men can still get some until 50 or 60.

60? Lol. Maybe with other 60-somethings. That's old, grandpa age.

This grandpa is still getting some.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is couples therapy excluded? Working through your issues is the only way to fix dead bedroom, whatever the real issue behind the dead bedroom is: health, resentment, incompatibility, exhaustion.

Finding a side partner is one way to work through them.

Finding a side partner is a good way to spread your unaddressed issues to someone else, and pick up some of their unaddressed issues/illnesses in the process. Stupid.

+100000.

Why bring more trouble to yourself: hiding/lying/planning for cheating.

Cheating seems like a win/win. Either you don't get caught, and you fix your problem. Or you do get caught, presumably leading to a divorce, which also fixes the problem.

it's only a win/win if you're a greedy coward. Getting caught blows up any hope of an amicable separation, but most importantly, blows up your reputation as a decent human being. Whatever you may gain from "not getting caught", YOU will know what you did. Enjoy that guilt, greedy coward!

NP.

While I agree with you, I also know this section of DCUM. What the women of DCUM fail to accept / understand is:

- you are a greedy coward if you withhold sex from your partner and refuse to address whatever causes you to withhold sex.

Every month, year after year, I read posts where women decide (all on their own) they no longer feel like doing it (no libido) and further decide their husband must simply accept being a-sexual, while also expecting his full fidelity.

Sorry, but it does not work that way. Again, only a greedy coward would do that to the person they married. People have to either fix their libido problem, address whatever it is they find so repulsive about their spouse, or let them go.

Trapping them in a sexless marriage never ends well for anyone.

Nobody. Traps. Men. In. Sexless. Marriages.

Men can leave. Men leave ALL THE TIME. Nobody forces men or women to cheat, they are adults who make (shitty) choices.

And by the time the bedroom is dead, the person who's gonna get blamed for killing it has probably said 1,000 times why they don't feel like fscking. Someone treats it as an entitlement, the other someone doesn't like meeting one person's needs when their own aren't getting met... Dead bedrooms all have one common cause: One party thinks they're owed sex without any respect or regard for the other human's needs. Lot of 'bedroom suicides', if you're being honest.

This is so not true. Can be the exact opposite. It is not fair to enter into a monogamous relationship giving the expectation of frequent sex, and then do a bat and switch after kids, merged lives, etc.

Ethical remedies for your problem are (i) fix the problem with your spouse through open communication, (2) go to couples counseling to get third-party help in fixing the problem, or (3) divorce.

Ethical remedies what a con.

An ethical response to an unethical action? That’s the manipulator’s playbook.

You are not owed sex, and it's not "unethical" to withhold sex. Unpleasant, sure. Unfortunate, okay. But unethical? Never. People have the right to decide what they do with their bodies, and you have the right to leave a relationship that's not meeting your needs.

Good luck with your long-term relationships. Sorry to tell you but they are not "take it or leave it" arrangements. Each person makes commitments, and those commitments are contingent on the other person's making similar commitments. Those include (usually) sex and physical intimacy and they also include attending to the wants and needs of the other. When you break the commitment unilaterally, whether by refusing sex or refusing to give a crap about what your partner wants and needs (as you're suggesting), you're violating the most basic foundations of the relationship. If you want to change the terms in a mature, responsible way, you need to negotiate that with your partner, not tell them to hit the road if they don't like it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Old person sex is revolting anyway. If you are over 45, no one wants to see you naked anyway and it’s probably time to just hang it up. And don’t act like as some 50 year old wrinkled bag of bones that you can go out and get some hot action easily.

That's true for women, but men can still get some until 50 or 60.

60? Lol. Maybe with other 60-somethings. That's old, grandpa age.

So? What is wrong with that? DH and I are 64 and we still have lots of great sex.
If I stopped having sex at 45 I would have missed out on 20 years of great Os .LOL

[Anonymous]

"You are not owed sex, and it's not "unethical" to withhold sex. Unpleasant, sure. Unfortunate, okay. But unethical? Never. People have the right to decide what they do with their bodies, and you have the right to leave a relationship that's not meeting your needs."

The problem is that so many of the people who say this about having the right to control one's body are also completely opposed to the spouse who wants a normal marriage with a sex life leaving the marriage. People will throw out the "in sickness and in health" line about how menopause made the woman unable to have sex any longer and guilt trip a man for walking away from his family after years of trying to revive a dead bedroom.

Some people see refusing to sleep with your husband as acceptable, but leaving your wife because you've got a dead bedroom is breaking your wedding vows.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Old person sex is revolting anyway. If you are over 45, no one wants to see you naked anyway and it’s probably time to just hang it up. And don’t act like as some 50 year old wrinkled bag of bones that you can go out and get some hot action easily.

My 25yo girlfriend disagrees.

[Anonymous]

Self satisfaction

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"You are not owed sex, and it's not "unethical" to withhold sex. Unpleasant, sure. Unfortunate, okay. But unethical? Never. People have the right to decide what they do with their bodies, and you have the right to leave a relationship that's not meeting your needs."

The problem is that so many of the people who say this about having the right to control one's body are also completely opposed to the spouse who wants a normal marriage with a sex life leaving the marriage. People will throw out the "in sickness and in health" line about how menopause made the woman unable to have sex any longer and guilt trip a man for walking away from his family after years of trying to revive a dead bedroom.

Some people see refusing to sleep with your husband as acceptable, but leaving your wife because you've got a dead bedroom is breaking your wedding vows.

Actually no one said its unethical to divorce over a dead bedroom. Quite the opposite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is couples therapy excluded? Working through your issues is the only way to fix dead bedroom, whatever the real issue behind the dead bedroom is: health, resentment, incompatibility, exhaustion.

Finding a side partner is one way to work through them.

Finding a side partner is a good way to spread your unaddressed issues to someone else, and pick up some of their unaddressed issues/illnesses in the process. Stupid.

+100000.

Why bring more trouble to yourself: hiding/lying/planning for cheating.

Cheating seems like a win/win. Either you don't get caught, and you fix your problem. Or you do get caught, presumably leading to a divorce, which also fixes the problem.

it's only a win/win if you're a greedy coward. Getting caught blows up any hope of an amicable separation, but most importantly, blows up your reputation as a decent human being. Whatever you may gain from "not getting caught", YOU will know what you did. Enjoy that guilt, greedy coward!

NP.

While I agree with you, I also know this section of DCUM. What the women of DCUM fail to accept / understand is:

- you are a greedy coward if you withhold sex from your partner and refuse to address whatever causes you to withhold sex.

Every month, year after year, I read posts where women decide (all on their own) they no longer feel like doing it (no libido) and further decide their husband must simply accept being a-sexual, while also expecting his full fidelity.

Sorry, but it does not work that way. Again, only a greedy coward would do that to the person they married. People have to either fix their libido problem, address whatever it is they find so repulsive about their spouse, or let them go.

Trapping them in a sexless marriage never ends well for anyone.

Nobody. Traps. Men. In. Sexless. Marriages.

Men can leave. Men leave ALL THE TIME. Nobody forces men or women to cheat, they are adults who make (shitty) choices.

And by the time the bedroom is dead, the person who's gonna get blamed for killing it has probably said 1,000 times why they don't feel like fscking. Someone treats it as an entitlement, the other someone doesn't like meeting one person's needs when their own aren't getting met... Dead bedrooms all have one common cause: One party thinks they're owed sex without any respect or regard for the other human's needs. Lot of 'bedroom suicides', if you're being honest.

This is so not true. Can be the exact opposite. It is not fair to enter into a monogamous relationship giving the expectation of frequent sex, and then do a bat and switch after kids, merged lives, etc.

Ethical remedies for your problem are (i) fix the problem with your spouse through open communication, (2) go to couples counseling to get third-party help in fixing the problem, or (3) divorce.

Ethical remedies what a con.

An ethical response to an unethical action? That’s the manipulator’s playbook.

You are not owed sex, and it's not "unethical" to withhold sex. Unpleasant, sure. Unfortunate, okay. But unethical? Never. People have the right to decide what they do with their bodies, and you have the right to leave a relationship that's not meeting your needs.

Good luck with your long-term relationships. Sorry to tell you but they are not "take it or leave it" arrangements. Each person makes commitments, and those commitments are contingent on the other person's making similar commitments. Those include (usually) sex and physical intimacy and they also include attending to the wants and needs of the other. When you break the commitment unilaterally, whether by refusing sex or refusing to give a crap about what your partner wants and needs (as you're suggesting), you're violating the most basic foundations of the relationship. If you want to change the terms in a mature, responsible way, you need to negotiate that with your partner, not tell them to hit the road if they don't like it.

You say this on a thread where "if she doesn't put out enough (by whoever's standards), you get to cheat" is the common refrain?

Way to completely miss the whole point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"You are not owed sex, and it's not "unethical" to withhold sex. Unpleasant, sure. Unfortunate, okay. But unethical? Never. People have the right to decide what they do with their bodies, and you have the right to leave a relationship that's not meeting your needs."

The problem is that so many of the people who say this about having the right to control one's body are also completely opposed to the spouse who wants a normal marriage with a sex life leaving the marriage. People will throw out the "in sickness and in health" line about how menopause made the woman unable to have sex any longer and guilt trip a man for walking away from his family after years of trying to revive a dead bedroom.

Some people see refusing to sleep with your husband as acceptable, but leaving your wife because you've got a dead bedroom is breaking your wedding vows.

Actually no one said its unethical to divorce over a dead bedroom. Quite the opposite.

NP.

It is actually one of the leading causes of divorce, particularly for couples in their late 40s / early 50s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If couples therapy and divorce are excluded. What do people do? Do they justify cheating or not yet?

Ok, everyone is going to disagree, but a dead bedroom requires drastic action. Bring in another couple or person. mfm and such. get super kinky. need to go all the way in the opposite direction to correct the ship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If couples therapy and divorce are excluded. What do people do? Do they justify cheating or not yet?

Ok, everyone is going to disagree, but a dead bedroom requires drastic action. Bring in another couple or person. mfm and such. get super kinky. need to go all the way in the opposite direction to correct the ship.

this is nuts. bringing in another person requires an immense amount of intimacy and communication. if the relationship had this, it would not be in a dead bedroom situation in the first place. 99% of the time it is because the relationship is broken. the other 1% is health. it’s never because they just need another person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If couples therapy and divorce are excluded. What do people do? Do they justify cheating or not yet?

Ok, everyone is going to disagree, but a dead bedroom requires drastic action. Bring in another couple or person. mfm and such. get super kinky. need to go all the way in the opposite direction to correct the ship.

this is nuts. bringing in another person requires an immense amount of intimacy and communication. if the relationship had this, it would not be in a dead bedroom situation in the first place. 99% of the time it is because the relationship is broken. the other 1% is health. it’s never because they just need another person.

NP.

Meh. Super-kinky might work.

Worth a try before going through the trouble of adding a 3rd.