Why do men rob you of your sparkle?

[Anonymous]

You and your friends married wrong.

[Anonymous]

I think this is an extreme case of the thing that attracted you being the thing that repels you.

[Anonymous]

Why? Because most men are self centered and self serving.

Thats all they have the capacity to think or slightly care about: themselves and their immediate needs.

It works well for them. But not if everyone started misbehaving that way.

[Anonymous]

You become muted and emotionless because they can handle life with anyone any other way. So they train you to be quiet, not sparkle, leave them alone unless convenient for them and their mood at the time. And if you do start talking or sharing or caring when they are not, they ignore, lash out, walk away, put you down. Rinse and repeat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do women do it to men? Why do lesbians due it to each other?

Because sparkle attracts a mate, and once they lock you down, they don't want anyone else to be attracted.

Lol. Yeah marry a winner and force them to act like a loser so they’re safe and locked down. lol.

[Anonymous]

Mine is not critical. I’m probably the critical one. I buy everyone’s clothes, including DH. He has a very nice wardrobe.

I don’t think you can blame your DH or you married the wrong guy. I’m still vibrant, laugh with my friends and kids, less so with DH.

[Anonymous]

Because getting along with other people requires compromise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Today during therapy my therapist mentioned I’m very monotone and unemotional, and that I should work on expressing my happiness and emotion more.

I was reflecting back on why, because I wasn’t always like this, and I realized it’s from my xH. He was initially attracted to me because I was vibrant, outgoing, and fun to be around, but over the years he got so critical of what I wore, how I acted, how I spoke, etc that I just got rid of all personality altogether so he’d have nothing to be critical about.

I talked with some friends and I’m not alone in this. Most women have dated or been married to the guy who immediately tried to stomp out all their sparkle and personality.

Why are men like this? Why date someone who you’re just going to try to change into an emotionless, personality-devoid zombie?

My 9 yo said the same thing when she glanced through a box of photos of me in my 20s and early 30s. Wow mom, you were smiling a lot and even with dad!

So exhausted of holding down the fort and doing everything for no nothing back.

I believe this.

Make sure your kid(s) know it’s not their fault.

[Anonymous]

We all have to grow up op. You can’t be carefree forever. I have no idea if your ex-husband was a jerk or not but most of us lose our ‘sparkle’ when we get older and take on big responsibilities that weigh heavily that on us. I definitely don’t want a husband that treats me like a carefree child. Part of growing up is not blaming others for our own behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this is an extreme case of the thing that attracted you being the thing that repels you.

You mean him, in the OP post.?. He was attracted to her energy and sparkle, but now it repels him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop blaming your husband for something you did to yourself.

OP. This is less “omg my xH sucks” and more “WHY do men like him feel the need to tear someone down until there’s nothing left?”

A man didn’t do this to you though, you did it to yourself. It’s hard to hear but it’s true.

It's less that OP did it to herself, more that she didn't have boundaries. It happened to me in a relationship before I studied stoicism. The book Let Them is a good place to start. For example, when DH doesn't get his way, he might make passive-aggressive comments or even have a full-on tantrum. Let him. It's still his turn to stay with the kids, so I can have one weekend a year with girlfriends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop blaming your husband for something you did to yourself.

OP. This is less “omg my xH sucks” and more “WHY do men like him feel the need to tear someone down until there’s nothing left?”

A man didn’t do this to you though, you did it to yourself. It’s hard to hear but it’s true.

I have a twice divorced friend who would probably blame her ex husbands for her current state of low confidence. I watched her completely lose herself. Women also often blame their children.

I feel happier than ever. DH isn’t necessarily the cause of my happiness these days, but he also doesn’t take my joy away either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine is not critical. I’m probably the critical one. I buy everyone’s clothes, including DH. He has a very nice wardrobe.

I don’t think you can blame your DH or you married the wrong guy. I’m still vibrant, laugh with my friends and kids, less so with DH.

Agree.
OP needs to go full circle in this and find and display her sparkle with her friends, at work and elsewhere.

Ironically it might re-attract her spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine is not critical. I’m probably the critical one. I buy everyone’s clothes, including DH. He has a very nice wardrobe.

I don’t think you can blame your DH or you married the wrong guy. I’m still vibrant, laugh with my friends and kids, less so with DH.

Agree.
OP needs to go full circle in this and find and display her sparkle with her friends, at work and elsewhere.

Ironically it might re-attract her spouse.

Pp here. I have been making new friends. I have a lot of not so fun bitter friends. I am stilll there for them and they are friends, but man is it depressing seeing them.

I have made some new friends who I have never laughed so hard. I love spending time with them:

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because getting along with other people requires compromise.

That’s always been true, but it’s a two way street. what do you make of these Take It or Leave It forgetful folks?
How can they make efforts to meet in the middle and be a decent life and living together partner?