Why do men rob you of your sparkle?

[Anonymous]

Today during therapy my therapist mentioned I’m very monotone and unemotional, and that I should work on expressing my happiness and emotion more.

I was reflecting back on why, because I wasn’t always like this, and I realized it’s from my xH. He was initially attracted to me because I was vibrant, outgoing, and fun to be around, but over the years he got so critical of what I wore, how I acted, how I spoke, etc that I just got rid of all personality altogether so he’d have nothing to be critical about.

I talked with some friends and I’m not alone in this. Most women have dated or been married to the guy who immediately tried to stomp out all their sparkle and personality.

Why are men like this? Why date someone who you’re just going to try to change into an emotionless, personality-devoid zombie?

[Anonymous]

Tierra?

[Anonymous]

Not all men are like this. Ahole controlling men are. Because that's how they are able to control women. They beat them down emotionally so that they become reliant on them. My friend has a husband like this. He has a ton of issues from his mom cheating on his dad and their subsequent divorce. So in his head, if he makes his wife feel reliant on him enough, she won't cheat. So he tears down her looks and her intelligence and he knows she'll never leave him. We've talked to her til we are blue in the face and she's convinced herself she'll never be able to find someone better than him. If he didn't cut her down and beat her down to this shell of a person, she never would have put up with all his BS. Her old self would have left him years ago.

[Anonymous]

Mine is depressed and significant childhood trauma. He’s kind but the underlying anxiety saps me.

[Anonymous]

Stop blaming your husband for something you did to yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop blaming your husband for something you did to yourself.

This is overly harsh, but there's some truth in it. Nobody can "rob you of your sparkle" without your consent. It can be hard to see this at first, because decent people don't do it so we doubt that it's really being done to us. But the moment you realize it is, if you continue to dim your shine, you're complicit in your own unhappiness.

DTMFA and stay single for however long it it takes you to rebuild your sense of self.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Today during therapy my therapist mentioned I’m very monotone and unemotional, and that I should work on expressing my happiness and emotion more.

I was reflecting back on why, because I wasn’t always like this, and I realized it’s from my xH. He was initially attracted to me because I was vibrant, outgoing, and fun to be around, but over the years he got so critical of what I wore, how I acted, how I spoke, etc that I just got rid of all personality altogether so he’d have nothing to be critical about.

I talked with some friends and I’m not alone in this. Most women have dated or been married to the guy who immediately tried to stomp out all their sparkle and personality.

Why are men like this? Why date someone who you’re just going to try to change into an emotionless, personality-devoid zombie?

That's just called "aging" and being "jaded".
Men deal with that also. Didn't you notice how teen boys are so much more romantic than men in their 20s, and especially men after a divorce.

Love Hurts. Love Scars.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop blaming your husband for something you did to yourself.

OP. This is less “omg my xH sucks” and more “WHY do men like him feel the need to tear someone down until there’s nothing left?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop blaming your husband for something you did to yourself.

OP. This is less “omg my xH sucks” and more “WHY do men like him feel the need to tear someone down until there’s nothing left?”

A man didn’t do this to you though, you did it to yourself. It’s hard to hear but it’s true.

[Anonymous]

To try and get back some of our sparkle you took from us?

[Anonymous]

Why do women do it to men? Why do lesbians due it to each other?

Because sparkle attracts a mate, and once they lock you down, they don't want anyone else to be attracted.

[Anonymous]

Baby love, I think I've been a little too kind
Didn't notice you walking all over my peace of mind
In the shoes I gave you as a present
Puttin' someone first only works when you're in their top five
And by the way, I'm going out tonight
Best believe I'm still bejeweled
When I walk in the room
I can still make the whole place shimmer
And when I meet the band
They ask, "Do you have a man?"
I can still say, "I don't remember"
Familiarity breeds contempt
Don't put me in the basement
When I want the penthouse of your heart
Diamonds in my eyes
I polish up real, I polish up real nice
Nice
Baby boy, I think I've been too good of a girl (too good of a girl)
Did all the extra credit, then got graded on a curve
I think it's time to teach some lessons
I made you my world (huh), have you heard? (Huh)
I can reclaim the land
And I miss you (I miss you)
But I miss sparkling (ah, hey)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Today during therapy my therapist mentioned I’m very monotone and unemotional, and that I should work on expressing my happiness and emotion more.

I was reflecting back on why, because I wasn’t always like this, and I realized it’s from my xH. He was initially attracted to me because I was vibrant, outgoing, and fun to be around, but over the years he got so critical of what I wore, how I acted, how I spoke, etc that I just got rid of all personality altogether so he’d have nothing to be critical about.

I talked with some friends and I’m not alone in this. Most women have dated or been married to the guy who immediately tried to stomp out all their sparkle and personality.

Why are men like this? Why date someone who you’re just going to try to change into an emotionless, personality-devoid zombie?

My 9 yo said the same thing when she glanced through a box of photos of me in my 20s and early 30s. Wow mom, you were smiling a lot and even with dad!

So exhausted of holding down the fort and doing everything for no nothing back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Today during therapy my therapist mentioned I’m very monotone and unemotional, and that I should work on expressing my happiness and emotion more.

I was reflecting back on why, because I wasn’t always like this, and I realized it’s from my xH. He was initially attracted to me because I was vibrant, outgoing, and fun to be around, but over the years he got so critical of what I wore, how I acted, how I spoke, etc that I just got rid of all personality altogether so he’d have nothing to be critical about.

I talked with some friends and I’m not alone in this. Most women have dated or been married to the guy who immediately tried to stomp out all their sparkle and personality.

Why are men like this? Why date someone who you’re just going to try to change into an emotionless, personality-devoid zombie?

My 9 yo said the same thing when she glanced through a box of photos of me in my 20s and early 30s. Wow mom, you were smiling a lot and even with dad!

So exhausted of holding down the fort and doing everything for no nothing back.

How sad for your kid.

[Anonymous]

My 8th grader used to sparkle in every photo. The most natural smile that reached the eyes.

Last week was the first time I was taking pictures (that she asked me to take, in a happy place) where she didn’t look happy in her eyes.

Boys in her grade causing drama, getting her girl friends involved too.