Why do men rob you of your sparkle?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is an extreme case of the thing that attracted you being the thing that repels you.

You mean him, in the OP post.?. He was attracted to her energy and sparkle, but now it repels him.

He was attracted to her energy and sparkle, and he's subconsciously worried that other men will be too.

[Anonymous]

If I think of the couples we are close with I would say most of the husbands are happy to see and help their wives sparkle. Sorry that wasn't your or your friends' experience. To a PP's point, I think it happens mostly from peers, which obviously could include spouses, but isn't coming primarily from husbands.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is an extreme case of the thing that attracted you being the thing that repels you.

You mean him, in the OP post.?. He was attracted to her energy and sparkle, but now it repels him.

Yes, I am responding to OP’s question on why people do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Today during therapy my therapist mentioned I’m very monotone and unemotional, and that I should work on expressing my happiness and emotion more.

I was reflecting back on why, because I wasn’t always like this, and I realized it’s from my xH. He was initially attracted to me because I was vibrant, outgoing, and fun to be around, but over the years he got so critical of what I wore, how I acted, how I spoke, etc that I just got rid of all personality altogether so he’d have nothing to be critical about.

I talked with some friends and I’m not alone in this. Most women have dated or been married to the guy who immediately tried to stomp out all their sparkle and personality.

Why are men like this? Why date someone who you’re just going to try to change into an emotionless, personality-devoid zombie?

k

Why date and marry someone who tries to change you into zombie?

Why generalize to all men and most women?

This might apply to you but you extrapolate to all men AND you take no responsibilty for your own choices AND assume women are passive victims all the time.

And no, I’m not a man.

[Anonymous]

The wrong man steals your sparkle, a good man lets you be/shine, the best man helps you shine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why? Because most men are self centered and self serving.

Thats all they have the capacity to think or slightly care about: themselves and their immediate needs.

It works well for them. But not if everyone started misbehaving that way.

All men? All the time?

You need to meet better people.

[Anonymous]

This exactly why if you're a (straight) man you should never get married. You're gonna get blamed for everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Today during therapy my therapist mentioned I’m very monotone and unemotional, and that I should work on expressing my happiness and emotion more.

I was reflecting back on why, because I wasn’t always like this, and I realized it’s from my xH. He was initially attracted to me because I was vibrant, outgoing, and fun to be around, but over the years he got so critical of what I wore, how I acted, how I spoke, etc that I just got rid of all personality altogether so he’d have nothing to be critical about.

I talked with some friends and I’m not alone in this. Most women have dated or been married to the guy who immediately tried to stomp out all their sparkle and personality.

Why are men like this? Why date someone who you’re just going to try to change into an emotionless, personality-devoid zombie?

Have heard and seen this happening to both men and women.

[Anonymous]

Women mostly blame their husbands for all of their problems and men usually blame their parents. If your are adults, learn to take responsibility and work on improving yourselves instead of shifting blame for your poor life choices.

[Anonymous]

My mom at 70 is a miserable bitter hag. She used to have sparkle and was nicer. She gaslit me my whole life as my dad treated me like sh*t. She was going down but I noticed a sharp difference after the pandemic when she was with him 24/7. Now she is just as bad as him.

[Anonymous]

Have you seen Ballerina Farm? Man took a Julliard ballerina, got her pregnant and now she has 8 kids and milks cows.

[Anonymous]

I know people like to blame it on their spouses but a lot of sparkle from carefree youth gets lost in career, finances, kids, household, health, aging, social pressures, political upheaval, wars, natural disasters, deaths and so much more to rob anyone's sparkle.

[Anonymous]

You've got to learn to be your own person, OP, and stop blaming others.

I've had marital problems too (my spouse of 20 years has ADHD and ASD), but I don't let him sap the joy out of my existence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you seen Ballerina Farm? Man took a Julliard ballerina, got her pregnant and now she has 8 kids and milks cows.

... or she didn't enjoy ballet as much, wanted sex and farm life.

[Anonymous]

You think he is enjoying life with 8 kids?