Why do men rob you of your sparkle?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's crazy seeing the amount of comments blaming women for experiencing emotional abuse.

It’s even crazier if those comments are coming from other women.

I think the other women are ones who've had their sparkle taken too, and make comments rationalizing and justifying it to cope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's crazy seeing the amount of comments blaming women for experiencing emotional abuse.

They are responding to the typical DCUM narrative: Men are always at fault for anything suboptimal in women's lives. The common sentiment is that women are never at fault for the breakdown of their romantic relationships. I can't recall a single divorced woman on this board ever admitting that she bore any responsibility at all for her divorce (which is funny considering the countless threads about evil female friend groups and difficult mothers and mothers-in-law).

Men are not always at fault, but in real life, it's STILL very common to dump all obligations of childrearing and household duties on women. It was even more common before, just a generation ago. It's not by accident that young women now don't want to get married and have children any more -- I mean, realistically, how stupid do you have to be for that?! Young women can earn their own living and live the way they like! There are many older women out there, myself included, who regret getting married. I still have my sparkle, but I had to fight for it, and I'm a highly educated professional, with a personality akin to Margaret Thatcher if you get my drift. I recognize that most women are in a way worse position than I am. If I was a young woman now with their opportunities -- I would never get married! The reason of birth rates falling off the cliff is the direct result of women refusing to get used up and thrown away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's crazy seeing the amount of comments blaming women for experiencing emotional abuse.

They are responding to the typical DCUM narrative: Men are always at fault for anything suboptimal in women's lives. The common sentiment is that women are never at fault for the breakdown of their romantic relationships. I can't recall a single divorced woman on this board ever admitting that she bore any responsibility at all for her divorce (which is funny considering the countless threads about evil female friend groups and difficult mothers and mothers-in-law).

Men are not always at fault, but in real life, it's STILL very common to dump all obligations of childrearing and household duties on women. It was even more common before, just a generation ago. It's not by accident that young women now don't want to get married and have children any more -- I mean, realistically, how stupid do you have to be for that?! Young women can earn their own living and live the way they like! There are many older women out there, myself included, who regret getting married. I still have my sparkle, but I had to fight for it, and I'm a highly educated professional, with a personality akin to Margaret Thatcher if you get my drift. I recognize that most women are in a way worse position than I am. If I was a young woman now with their opportunities -- I would never get married! The reason of birth rates falling off the cliff is the direct result of women refusing to get used up and thrown away.

So you agree with the common DCUM narrative, essentially. You really didn't add anything different to the typical comments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's crazy seeing the amount of comments blaming women for experiencing emotional abuse.

They are responding to the typical DCUM narrative: Men are always at fault for anything suboptimal in women's lives. The common sentiment is that women are never at fault for the breakdown of their romantic relationships. I can't recall a single divorced woman on this board ever admitting that she bore any responsibility at all for her divorce (which is funny considering the countless threads about evil female friend groups and difficult mothers and mothers-in-law).

Men are not always at fault, but in real life, it's STILL very common to dump all obligations of childrearing and household duties on women. It was even more common before, just a generation ago. It's not by accident that young women now don't want to get married and have children any more -- I mean, realistically, how stupid do you have to be for that?! Young women can earn their own living and live the way they like! There are many older women out there, myself included, who regret getting married. I still have my sparkle, but I had to fight for it, and I'm a highly educated professional, with a personality akin to Margaret Thatcher if you get my drift. I recognize that most women are in a way worse position than I am. If I was a young woman now with their opportunities -- I would never get married! The reason of birth rates falling off the cliff is the direct result of women refusing to get used up and thrown away.

So you agree with the common DCUM narrative, essentially. You really didn't add anything different to the typical comments.

Maybe you're not aware that women were not allowed to own property, have a job or pretty much do anything on their own until quite recently, and there are still cultures/countries where this is the case? They were/are considered the property of the male members of the family? First, their father and then their husband? In many cultures a woman's last name at marriage still literally designates her as the property of her husband? I suppose the typical DCUM comments then are typical, because this is what typically happens in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's crazy seeing the amount of comments blaming women for experiencing emotional abuse.

They are responding to the typical DCUM narrative: Men are always at fault for anything suboptimal in women's lives. The common sentiment is that women are never at fault for the breakdown of their romantic relationships. I can't recall a single divorced woman on this board ever admitting that she bore any responsibility at all for her divorce (which is funny considering the countless threads about evil female friend groups and difficult mothers and mothers-in-law).

Men are not always at fault, but in real life, it's STILL very common to dump all obligations of childrearing and household duties on women. It was even more common before, just a generation ago. It's not by accident that young women now don't want to get married and have children any more -- I mean, realistically, how stupid do you have to be for that?! Young women can earn their own living and live the way they like! There are many older women out there, myself included, who regret getting married. I still have my sparkle, but I had to fight for it, and I'm a highly educated professional, with a personality akin to Margaret Thatcher if you get my drift. I recognize that most women are in a way worse position than I am. If I was a young woman now with their opportunities -- I would never get married! The reason of birth rates falling off the cliff is the direct result of women refusing to get used up and thrown away.

So you agree with the common DCUM narrative, essentially. You really didn't add anything different to the typical comments.

Maybe you're not aware that women were not allowed to own property, have a job or pretty much do anything on their own until quite recently, and there are still cultures/countries where this is the case? They were/are considered the property of the male members of the family? First, their father and then their husband? In many cultures a woman's last name at marriage still literally designates her as the property of her husband? I suppose the typical DCUM comments then are typical, because this is what typically happens in life.

Not sure how in the world any of that relates to my comments, or to the lives of typical DCUM women.

[Anonymous]

Btw, the first no-fault divorce was legalized in California only in 1969 and only by 2010 have all states legalized it.

[Anonymous]

If you don't understand the wider context, you cannot understand why it's the case that it's more common for men to abuse women in a relationship than vice versa. You obviously don't understand the cultural, nor legal context. In this thread we're talking about killing the sparkle, in essence having a woman's life revolve around others (kids, husband, aging parents). What exactly are you trying to convey here being the woman's fault as you say? Wanting to get away from this? Wanting to live her own life? Pray tell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you don't understand the wider context, you cannot understand why it's the case that it's more common for men to abuse women in a relationship than vice versa. You obviously don't understand the cultural, nor legal context. In this thread we're talking about killing the sparkle, in essence having a woman's life revolve around others (kids, husband, aging parents). What exactly are you trying to convey here being the woman's fault as you say? Wanting to get away from this? Wanting to live her own life? Pray tell.

That's not true. Men's are victims of abuse more often in relationships than women are. They just don't report it or talk to anyone about it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you don't understand the wider context, you cannot understand why it's the case that it's more common for men to abuse women in a relationship than vice versa. You obviously don't understand the cultural, nor legal context. In this thread we're talking about killing the sparkle, in essence having a woman's life revolve around others (kids, husband, aging parents). What exactly are you trying to convey here being the woman's fault as you say? Wanting to get away from this? Wanting to live her own life? Pray tell.

That's not true. Men's are victims of abuse more often in relationships than women are. They just don't report it or talk to anyone about it

This is patently false. I get you hate women, but please don’t make up lies to further your hatred.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop blaming your husband for something you did to yourself.

OP. This is less “omg my xH sucks” and more “WHY do men like him feel the need to tear someone down until there’s nothing left?”

A man didn’t do this to you though, you did it to yourself. It’s hard to hear but it’s true.

Stop with this. You obviously have no idea what some women go through and no it’s not their own fault.

I remember the days when it was misogynistic to think women had no agency.

You’re missing the point.

Obviously women should leave when men try to tear them down, and we should be teaching our daughters to do just that.

The question is WHY do men feel the need to tear their partners down in the first place? It’s like the quote PP posted earlier - why do they want an exotic bird to put in a cage?

It’s like these men who chase after party girls or IG models, and then demand they stop partying or posting bikini pics on IG. You knew who they were, that’s why you were attracted to them, why change them?

No you are missing the point. You should have more curiosity about your own emotional reaction. What attracted you to a guy who takes sparkles? Why did you continue to stay as he tried to take your sparkle?

Shifting the attention to him is a diversion from the real issue - your choices.

“Why do abused women get abused? Must be their choices.”
Gfy

You realize that OP has an EX husband. Is she going to look at her own mindset at some point?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop blaming your husband for something you did to yourself.

OP. This is less “omg my xH sucks” and more “WHY do men like him feel the need to tear someone down until there’s nothing left?”

A man didn’t do this to you though, you did it to yourself. It’s hard to hear but it’s true.

Stop with this. You obviously have no idea what some women go through and no it’s not their own fault.

I remember the days when it was misogynistic to think women had no agency.

You’re missing the point.

Obviously women should leave when men try to tear them down, and we should be teaching our daughters to do just that.

The question is WHY do men feel the need to tear their partners down in the first place? It’s like the quote PP posted earlier - why do they want an exotic bird to put in a cage?

It’s like these men who chase after party girls or IG models, and then demand they stop partying or posting bikini pics on IG. You knew who they were, that’s why you were attracted to them, why change them?

No you are missing the point. You should have more curiosity about your own emotional reaction. What attracted you to a guy who takes sparkles? Why did you continue to stay as he tried to take your sparkle?

Shifting the attention to him is a diversion from the real issue - your choices.

“Why do abused women get abused? Must be their choices.”
Gfy

You realize that OP has an EX husband. Is she going to look at her own mindset at some point?

Why are you still victim blaming? Does it make you feel good to sh** on women going through hard times?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

No you are missing the point. You should have more curiosity about your own emotional reaction. What attracted you to a guy who takes sparkles? Why did you continue to stay as he tried to take your sparkle?

Shifting the attention to him is a diversion from the real issue - your choices.

It's well-known that "killing the sparkle", meaning the abuse, is very common when women are vulnerable. Like when pregnant and having infants. Most women who eventually divorce or at least realize that their sparkle has been killed, saw the first issues when they were pregnant/had infants. The choices in those circumstances are very limited as you perhaps can imagine.

The amount of comments avoiding any self reflection is incredible. OP is divorced. It doesn’t matter why her ex did what he did. Does she want to change her own harmful pattern?

[Anonymous]

Why date and marry someone who tries to change you into zombie?

Why generalize to all men and most women?

This might apply to you but you extrapolate to all men AND you take no responsibilty for your own choices AND assume women are passive victims all the time.



+100

[Anonymous]

Plenty of woman do this to men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop blaming your husband for something you did to yourself.

OP. This is less “omg my xH sucks” and more “WHY do men like him feel the need to tear someone down until there’s nothing left?”

A man didn’t do this to you though, you did it to yourself. It’s hard to hear but it’s true.

Stop with this. You obviously have no idea what some women go through and no it’s not their own fault.

I remember the days when it was misogynistic to think women had no agency.

You’re missing the point.

Obviously women should leave when men try to tear them down, and we should be teaching our daughters to do just that.

The question is WHY do men feel the need to tear their partners down in the first place? It’s like the quote PP posted earlier - why do they want an exotic bird to put in a cage?

It’s like these men who chase after party girls or IG models, and then demand they stop partying or posting bikini pics on IG. You knew who they were, that’s why you were attracted to them, why change them?

No you are missing the point. You should have more curiosity about your own emotional reaction. What attracted you to a guy who takes sparkles? Why did you continue to stay as he tried to take your sparkle?

Shifting the attention to him is a diversion from the real issue - your choices.

“Why do abused women get abused? Must be their choices.”
Gfy

You realize that OP has an EX husband. Is she going to look at her own mindset at some point?

Why are you still victim blaming? Does it make you feel good to sh** on women going through hard times?

The only one sh*tting on women is those who think we have no agency.